Avatar universal

Mental Problems/Guess I lost it

As some of you know I have not been doing good at all. I know I wrote a lot about the things going on and how stressed out and depressed I have been feeling. Things were falling apart and everything was lousy. Well everything just seemed to pile up on me and I lost it. I know maybe you were expecting a ton of details why I have been absent and what happened while I was gone and all this. Sorry to disapoint you but I dont know. My memory well it was always bad but it got really bad. Im not even sure why I left. I guess I got lost in my own world maybe. I dont know. I wish I had the answers. Im not even sure how I made it through all that. I guess I did or well then I wouldnt be here at all. Im still not well. I space out a lot. Feel like Im in and out of it. Feels like Im not all here. I know this sounds crazy. It really does. This is another really hard thing for me to talk about. I guess this really makes me feel I am crazy. Like how could I forget what I did and stuff. Did I just lose it? I dont know. Stuff like this happened before but I think this was like the worst. I call it zoning out. I dont know. So I dont have an answer. I dont know what I was doing for most of it. I remember some of it breifly but just not much of it. Like I said I was out of it. I have no explimation. Oh and I know the 1st thing people are going to say, see a shrink. Yeah I know I need one. I needed one then too. I dont have one. I dont have insurance. I cant afford to see another doctor. Its to expencive. Aughhhh. When it rains it pours and thunders and lightnings. Still I am doing better then i was or I probably still wouldnt be able to be here. But I am here right now. I wanted to be then too but I couldnt. Wasnt functioning. Maybe I forgot how to come here too. Not sure. Like I said wasnt myself. So really I just wrote this to update everyone and hoping for a bit of support. Im still stuck in a situation where Im in the house all the time. And I dont go out. Maybe it didnt matter. Id probably forget most of it anyway. Seems like I forgot it all anyway. My memory is awful. My mental health is awful. Everything really ***** right now. Things got to hard. to bad. to much, So I guess I just lost it. Thanks for listening.
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Avatar universal
Amylove, Yes it is really hard for me to be stuck in the house. Trapped in my walls. Plus mom is unwell agian. So now I have that drama. Honestly I dont know how soon I will lose it this time but if things continue who knows. I hate this. Why does all this have to happen to me. Everything falling apart. I dont want to lose it agian. If I do I might disapear agian and I dont want that. I dont want to be out of it agian. Still now that I am here not talking about the site but being here mentally what keeps me here? I dont know. Anyway I hope that you had a good night as well. I actually slept pretty good which I needed. Mom took a nap and came out in a bad mood. Augh yeah it figures.

Nikodicreta, Thank you for commenting. Also that you said Im back and thats the important thing. I just hope it lasts. Im worried that with my constant stress I will be sent back into the mind state I was in before. I hope that doesnt happen. Thats really great that your health issues are doing better. I am so happy for you,. Im glad that you can help other people out and stuff. Also that you found spirituality and things that help you and improve your life and its meaning. I will check out that video later if I can get it to work and stuff. Anyway I hope to hear from you agian sometime soon. You seem like you really care.

and finally Everyone, anyone who reads this or responds. I am really worried of losing it. So I just want people to know if I do another disapear it wasnt because I want to. So at least now you will know why. I am hoping my sanity will stick with me this time and I dont lose it agian. Just in case I wanted everyone to know that I didnt choose to leave it just happened. And I hope I will be ok from now on. Still I do worry something could happen and I might be gone agian. So in case I think everyone here who joined expecially those who wondered about me deserve to know why I was gone.

Amylove, Nikodicreta, and everyone who reads have a great day/night. Take care for now.
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Avatar universal
I hope that you are doing better now. Must have been hard to not do well mentally. I know I've pulled disapears but mostly because I was busy with something. So stuff like that. I hope that you are ok and don't have anymore incodents where you lose it and everything. Maybe you'll be fine now. I hope so. It's not good that you couldn't get help when you needed it. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have insurance. It would be really hard for me. So it must be really hard expecially when you were doing worse.

I know I did wonder about you and stuff. So I'm glad that you were able to finally let everyone know. I still hope to see you around and stuff. Thought I would continue posting here too like we used to if you want to as well. If not then I won't as much. Just thought it might help to have someone you used to talk to her still talk. Plus I liked when we talked here too. Still I am ok with other people joining in too. Who knows maybe we would get to meet more people and make more friends. I think that would be nice. I mean I know I have a huge social life but sometimes i feel I can connect better here on the computer. I guess most of my friends just don't really understand what it's like. They are great to be around when I'm fun and stuff and I just need to get out. Maybe running around a lot is how I cope with things. I know it's all good when I'm happy life of the party. When I'm down and sad and stuff it's like things are different. Yet here it's not. People don't mind when I talk here or if I talk to much or if I whine about things and stuff. Here it's like I am free to do it. Maybe that's why I like this group so much. I mean you let me whine. You didn't mind. In fact I think you encourage people to talk and that here no judging will occure. At least by you it won't and not by me and maybe everyone else who comes in here too. So I do like coming in here. I don't always know answers to everything so sometimes I don't answer. I guess maybe it's the same with most people. So anyway maybe I should be a bit more shy because I know I am rambling and I'm sure it sounds silly. Yet I am doing it. I don't know what people think of us when we talk and stuff here. When we share our stories. We did in the past. I guess people must have been ok with it or everyone would have left. Here I am doing it agian. Rambling. lol. So I am going to stop for now and later come back see if you or someone else respondes.
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Avatar universal
I dont think you whine. Its nice that you still talk here to me. Anyway Im doing pretty crummy right now. Life ***** I dont think its going to get better, I dont know why anyone would want to talk to me anyway. Theres nothing good about me. Ill try to come up with a decent responce later but right now I just cant. I dont feel like Im worth anything and neither is what i say. Sorry your stuck wasting your time on me. I dont deserve anyone.
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Avatar universal
Hey I'm sorry that you are having a really hard time right now. You're really nice and you are smart. I like talking to you. Plus you care about what other people feel and think. You don't judge. You don't try to force your oppinions on others. You are really friendly. We always have things to talk about I think. So I'm not wasting my time talking to you. You deserve people too. Maybe people didn't always treat you right so now you think you deserved that. I don't know but sounds like a lot of bad things happened from your previous posts you made. And even now.

Don't worry about responding to my post I made. No rush. You are down and you needed to vent more then responding to my post. So it's ok. You can do it later or not at all if you are not up to it. At least you read it and even though you can't respond I know that you care about what I said. So it's fine. Hope that you feel better soon.
Helpful - 0
1530171 tn?1448129593

Hey innerchild09.
Rule #1. Do not believe everything you think. (There're are better things in store for you!)
Rule #2. What you think of yourself, is what you think of the world.( This is the one time when being wrong, could be actually good for you!)

The great news is that there are dozens of members who are reading or will read this post.
We all truly want you to feel better.

So let's give it a go!
  I will ask all of us to close our eyes for a moment- myself included- (after reading this post a couple times), and imagine this ray of brilliant white light  from up above, through our crown, on top of our heads, and entering our body.
And as this bright warm light, starts filling our body and flowing through our arms and into our hands, we start thinking about you and all your hurt. From the bottom of their hearts, we want to help you. We all want to help you because we're all one.
And with this intention, as we feel this warm and healing light in the fingers of our hands, we are now letting it flow out through the tips of our fingers. We are  sending it towards you, always feeling its warmth , as it's now leaving our body and travelling toward you.
It is travelling across water and land with the speed of light, because IT IS light!
Bright, warm , Healing light. We all see this light now entering your place, filling all the space around with its glow and its brilliance. You are surrounded by it, and soon you are feeling its warmth, as it's touching you. And finally it is entering your body from every direction and every angle. What a feeling! You are enjoying this warm feeling greatly.
Soon your body is experiencing for the first time ever, this shower of Healing Energy!
All your cells, trillions of them, are soaking up this warmth, awakening to this newfound
Source of Universal Life Force.  You know now that you are not alone.
You are connected to all of us and we are connected to you. One big family.
There's nothing that can change this. You have touched our hearts, and now with our intention alone, we are able to send you peace, love and healing.
There's no judgement, no conditions. Just pure and simple caring for one another.

Thank you for all for participating.
God bless you.

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Amylove, thank you for caring about how I am feeling and that you still want to stick by me even though I am a mess right now mentally. Even though I honestly dont know if I will stay well enough. I am scared I could be gone agian. I know it could happen and I dont want to hurt anyone if I am gone agian. And I dont want anyone to think I simply dont care because I do care about this group, the people here, their posts, and this site. So I hope I will remain.

I am overdue to give you a better responce. Im feeling up to it now. Sounds like its really difficult that you feel like you cant talk to all your friends how you can talk here. And that people dont understand the other side of you. The side that needs support. Then side that is depressed or angry or loney whatever you feel. You cant be a party girl all the time. Friends who only like a part of you arent good friends in my oppinion. I dont have any friends in real life. It ***** but I know that I dont have any pretending either. I hope you have some good friends who accept you as you are. You deserve that.

Also you dont whine like I said earlier. I want you to come here and feel you can get some support. Thats the whole idea. So rant,vent, talk as much as you need. Post long posts yes its fine. Us talking and people joining in are ok. Its fine.

Yeah it could be how you cope. Some people cope different. I think your right. You probably use these friends to make you happy or to get your mind off the bad things in your life. Maybe. And the running around could be to keep you distracted from the way things are going.

Hope to hear from you soon. Im doing better. A bit spacy but other then that fine.
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