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Mental Problems/Guess I lost it

As some of you know I have not been doing good at all. I know I wrote a lot about the things going on and how stressed out and depressed I have been feeling. Things were falling apart and everything was lousy. Well everything just seemed to pile up on me and I lost it. I know maybe you were expecting a ton of details why I have been absent and what happened while I was gone and all this. Sorry to disapoint you but I dont know. My memory well it was always bad but it got really bad. Im not even sure why I left. I guess I got lost in my own world maybe. I dont know. I wish I had the answers. Im not even sure how I made it through all that. I guess I did or well then I wouldnt be here at all. Im still not well. I space out a lot. Feel like Im in and out of it. Feels like Im not all here. I know this sounds crazy. It really does. This is another really hard thing for me to talk about. I guess this really makes me feel I am crazy. Like how could I forget what I did and stuff. Did I just lose it? I dont know. Stuff like this happened before but I think this was like the worst. I call it zoning out. I dont know. So I dont have an answer. I dont know what I was doing for most of it. I remember some of it breifly but just not much of it. Like I said I was out of it. I have no explimation. Oh and I know the 1st thing people are going to say, see a shrink. Yeah I know I need one. I needed one then too. I dont have one. I dont have insurance. I cant afford to see another doctor. Its to expencive. Aughhhh. When it rains it pours and thunders and lightnings. Still I am doing better then i was or I probably still wouldnt be able to be here. But I am here right now. I wanted to be then too but I couldnt. Wasnt functioning. Maybe I forgot how to come here too. Not sure. Like I said wasnt myself. So really I just wrote this to update everyone and hoping for a bit of support. Im still stuck in a situation where Im in the house all the time. And I dont go out. Maybe it didnt matter. Id probably forget most of it anyway. Seems like I forgot it all anyway. My memory is awful. My mental health is awful. Everything really ***** right now. Things got to hard. to bad. to much, So I guess I just lost it. Thanks for listening.
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Avatar universal
Nikodiceta, your responce really touched me. It was very nice and supporting. You seem like someone who really cares about other people. Its hard to feel happy about myself. I always pick out the bad things I guess. I know its not healthy but I do. Its a struggle. So its nice to hear that people dont think I am those negative things at least here they dont. And its nice to have people care. I guess Im still not used to people wanting to lift me up. So used to people dragging me down or someone lifts me up sometimes but othertimes pulls me down depending on their mood. Something like that you know.

I dont know how everyone feels. I am happy that people want to post here and stuff and that they joined but I dont know what they think of me. I dont expect an answer and thats ok. Still I guess old thoughts of wondering if everyone here thinks Im lame or something. I know when I 1st came I expected that not many people would join or if they did join a whole bunch of them would run out heading for the exit because of all the things I wrote about. I really thought that. And sometimes I worry that now I am back people will be annoyed with me and want to leave. I should know by now they dont want to leave or they would have but I guess I just keep expecting that to happen. I know the group has grown a lot while I was gone. Makes me wonder what people thought about a group running without a founder watching over it. Or maybe a lot of people didnt even realize who started the group anyway. I dont know.

I guess you believe that everyone here wants me well and knows about me and wants me to be happy and that they all care. I hope your right. Maybe you are. I guess sometimes its hard to believe that I actually did something right. I had a lot of doubts when I 1st did this back in 2009. I wondered if making this group was a mistake and the posting I did. Worried about that being a mistake. So I never thought my words were important or helped anyone or anything good about it. So it surprises me when someone says its great what all I said or something.

Anyway just thank you for the positive healing thoughts and just the words of encouragement that you posted. And for being another person who does care about me and what I write. Im glad you posted. Hope to hear more posts from you. Also I hope that you are having a good day or night.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I'm glad that you are doing better now. Maybe they are'nt always good friends. Sometimes they can be but no they don't really accept all of me. What you say makes perfect sense and stuff. I do go out a lot. Maybe without these people my life would feel so empty and boring. So I just go with it. I know I need to cut back on these outings at least the ones that cost money. I have been spending it foolishly. So I do need to cut back. Still I know a big part of my life involves running around. I had to borrow money from my parents so I could put some gas in the car so I could go over to one of my friends house. It's like I just don't want to stay home. I actually did go through a period where I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. Just didn't want to. It has passed obviously or I wouldn't be gone all the time. So that's what is going on. I'm actually doing good right now. Hope that you are too. Talk to you soon.
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Avatar universal
Glad to hear that you are doing well right now. Im glad that you do actually get to run around a lot. I think its good to get out. I wouldnt know, but yeah. Still sounds like your always keeping busy. And I do hope that you do have people who are supportive and who will accept the depressed side of you too. I mean the whole thing is you weather your happy or not. So hope people will accept you as you are. I dont really have a lot to say right now. Just wanted to respond and let you know Im listening. Take care.
Helpful - 0
1530171 tn?1448129593
Hi everyone.

Nice to see you supporting one another. It's very important.
Just a bit off topic here. My daughter, who happens to be 23 as well,  has battled
multiple issues, and managed to actually overcome them ( to a degree). Another long story,but with a happy ending!
It's like a miracle, to see her so interested in life again!

She's presently studying Holistic Health with a big emphasis on Energy, Soul and Spirit.
Now she's looking for a domain name for a blog and website that she'll be putting together
soon.  Some of her services will probably  include past life regression therapy, future life progression therapy, chakra and crystal healing, Reiki, soul coaching.
Geez , I wonder who she's taking after?
Most likely, distance healing through skype, would be available.

She's looking for a short and catchy name possibly including the words: spirit, awakening,
soul, purpose, love, light, healing, life, earth, magical, inner, wisdom, circle, heart, bliss etc
   Any suggestions?  Please feel free to post your suggestions and ideas.

    By the way, I have no intention to advertise or promote any services (for myself or my daughter).  It is not appropriate at all, to do so, here. I just wanted to clarify this.
It is not what we are about, however, if someone needs some advice, in the area of holistic healing, I will be more than glad to help.

One tip for anyone that can relate to it: There's a dark place in a very low point of our life that we may reach, (for the one's that are battling serious issues in their lives) that I call the Ultimate Crisis  Point. There's a spark in that place- not to be overlooked - as this spark can ignite a fire within us, to truly turn our life around.
Despite all the suffering and pain.
Perhaps this has to do with the deeper meaning of illness and devastation.
I'm talking from my personal experience and  being witness to other peoples' similar experiences as well!  
Does anyone have anything like this happen in their lives (or friends,or relatives)?

  Take care, and thanks for taking the time to visit here.
Blessings to all,
Nikodicreta

  

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I agree supporting is a good thing. And thats what we do. Or attempt anyway.

As for your daughter Im glad that she is interested in life agian. Its awful to live life when you have no interest anymore. So Im glad she has that back. Its ok you needed to post a bit about your daughter. I dont have any ideas for names at this time. If I come up with any I will let you know.

I apriecate the not advertising this stuff here. Plus theres not a whole lot of people who would see it anyway, but Im glad thats not your intensions.

As for your question not sure. I feel like Im in a dark place right now in my life. It has definitly not turned around. Seems like it only keeps getting worse to be honest. I want it to end but seems everything continues to fall on top of me. So Im in the dark but nothing being turned around. I dont know if this is as dark as it can go. Probably not. Im sure there are plenty of more bad things that could happen to me or in my life.

Im glad theres people like you who can inspire people who dont feel like they have anything to live for. You try to give people hope. Maybe Im stubborn to think things wont get better. I dont know. Im just glad there are people around who have been through stuff but are recovering and doing better and then not only that, they choose to help others. And that makes me glad. So thanks for responding and have a very good day.
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Avatar universal
Uugh woke up because I had an anxiety attack. So thought I would check to see if anyone posted so here I am. I might sleep in today since I haven't been able to get back to sleep since my anxiety woke me up. Hope you are doing ok.

I think it's good that we have support too. I think things haven't been the same when innerchild was away from the group. I know that I haven't really posted as much back then. I came sometimes and supported but now we are both supporting each other agian and I'm glad for it.

As for you Nikodica I think that's really great about your daughter and stuff. As for names I think all those names you have there are good. Maybe put two of them together could make a really neat name. I think. I'm sure you'll come up with something or she will.

As for the other thing I don't think anything like that has happened to me or to my family or anything that I know of.
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