Mental Problems/Guess I lost it

[innerchild09]

As some of you know I have not been doing good at all. I know I wrote a lot about the things going on and how stressed out and depressed I have been feeling. Things were falling apart and everything was lousy. Well everything just seemed to pile up on me and I lost it. I know maybe you were expecting a ton of details why I have been absent and what happened while I was gone and all this. Sorry to disapoint you but I dont know. My memory well it was always bad but it got really bad. Im not even sure why I left. I guess I got lost in my own world maybe. I dont know. I wish I had the answers. Im not even sure how I made it through all that. I guess I did or well then I wouldnt be here at all. Im still not well. I space out a lot. Feel like Im in and out of it. Feels like Im not all here. I know this sounds crazy. It really does. This is another really hard thing for me to talk about. I guess this really makes me feel I am crazy. Like how could I forget what I did and stuff. Did I just lose it? I dont know. Stuff like this happened before but I think this was like the worst. I call it zoning out. I dont know. So I dont have an answer. I dont know what I was doing for most of it. I remember some of it breifly but just not much of it. Like I said I was out of it. I have no explimation. Oh and I know the 1st thing people are going to say, see a shrink. Yeah I know I need one. I needed one then too. I dont have one. I dont have insurance. I cant afford to see another doctor. Its to expencive. Aughhhh. When it rains it pours and thunders and lightnings. Still I am doing better then i was or I probably still wouldnt be able to be here. But I am here right now. I wanted to be then too but I couldnt. Wasnt functioning. Maybe I forgot how to come here too. Not sure. Like I said wasnt myself. So really I just wrote this to update everyone and hoping for a bit of support. Im still stuck in a situation where Im in the house all the time. And I dont go out. Maybe it didnt matter. Id probably forget most of it anyway. Seems like I forgot it all anyway. My memory is awful. My mental health is awful. Everything really ***** right now. Things got to hard. to bad. to much, So I guess I just lost it. Thanks for listening.

[innerchild09]

Thats good that you are in a good mood. Im glad you got to see your family and then got to go out with one of your friends. Thats good. Its ok if your busy. I know you cant make it on here everyday and its ok.

Im ok right now. Didnt really do much but yeah today was ok.

And I guess its ok. It doesnt bother me if hes here or not. So I was just talking about it. For mom I guess its good sometimes. Still she changes her mind like the weather. One minute they are friends, then they are back together, then they are off shes dont with him. Then back to friends. Then shes done with him. And it just goes back and forth mostly between friends and not friends with ocational they are back together agian. They even thought about marrage which is totally crazy and I am not sure Id be happy with that. But then he backs out or she does or both do. The whole thing is just complicated. I dont really get it.

And yeah it is completely awful.

[amylove21]

So I'm actually in a good mood today. I was doing a family thing yesterday. Today I went out to eat with one of my friends. Not the ones who I go with out all the time but the one who understands me but is sometimes really busy. Shes one of the best friends I have. One of the best people I know out of my friends. So today is a great day. So was yesterday. I was busy with that and some other stuff so I wasn't online. I hope things are ok with you.

That guy coming over is that a good thing or bad? I guess maybe it was just an event that happened. Maybe good for your mom. Not sure. Sorry you got stuck in the house agian. I hope that you get to go out soon. I'm sure you need this time to go out and do things. I hope that you get to agian soon. Not going out being in all the time must be awful. I know I say that a lot but I guess I feel bad for you over that. I know I go crazy if I'm inside the house for a few days. So I can't imagine what you are going through being stuck in the house all the time.

[innerchild09]

Its ok its how it is. Nothing I can do to change it. Its the life Ive been dealt I guess. Mom is grouchy sometimes and she yells and stuff. Maybe Im just getting in the way.

I am so sorry that you are not feeling good right now. I hope you feel better soon.

So my moms friend who used to be her husband but then they didnt talk for a super long time who then became her friend then went to boyfriend then friend and its off and on agian. Not my father or anything. I dont know if anymore remembers but my dad is gone unfortantly. But this person mom was with before she met my dad. Well they are friends now. So this guy is over. Mom is up and down when it comes to everything. Anyway its really complicated like everything else in my life so I dont really know how to explain it any better then I did. So thats all that is going on today. Mom was out I was in the house. Nothing new there. So guess thats all.

[amylove21]

Sorry that your mother was groucy towards you and that things are back to being not so good. I was hoping things would continue to be good.

For me I did'nt go anywhere today because I haven't been feeling all that good. So I'm having a lousy day right now. Also I am stuck at home because I don't feel good so I'm bumbed and I am feeling lousy right now. I am feeling a bit better but I still feel lousy. So really nothing is going on with me right now. Except that. Hope you don't mind me complaining about how I am feeling. I just wanted to see if you posted anything yet. So I am actually going to get off here and lay down. I might be back later today I don't know.

[innerchild09]

Hey its ok weather theres a lot going on or not you can still talk. Its nice talking to you. Anyway Im glad your doing good. Its still to bad you cant talk about your problems with them. I dont really have anyone I can talk to except mom and here I guess. Yeah I had an awsome day that day.

Well things are back to normal agian. Mom was grouching yesterday. So looks like things are back to blah agian. not a shock. I saw it coming. Today was ok I guess. Wow it looks like my post is going to be short too. Im sure half of what I say is boring anyway because either its stress or nothing is going on. Thats how it is in my life. Either mom is yelling at me or some other junk or Im not doing anything. Except for the exception of going out once in awhile. So thats all thats going on with me right now.

[amylove21]

So thought I would update. Friday I managed to stay in. Yesterday I went out agian, So I was gone all night so I didn't come online. Still I wanted to update and tell you whats going on. So things are great with my friends. I still have my doubts but I just don't think I could just leave anyway. I just won't talk to them about my emotional problems I guess. I'm doing good right now. Hope to hear from you soon. Not sure if you are busy or what. Hope that you're ok and not having more problems with your mind. I hope you are doing good right now and having a great day. I will probably check the computer tomorrow. Maybe later today I don't know. It depends on what I am doing later today. Talk soon.