Mood

[Jaquta]

Why is mood so variable?  My mood has been all over the place.  Up, down.  Crazy!

[innerchild09]

I'm glad you had a great Christmas. And I'm glad that the info I gave you helped. I am really glad you had a good time.

[Jaquta]

It sounds like you had an absolutely amazingly fantastic Christmas.
I'm glad you enjoyed yourself and had so much fun.

[amylove21]

Yeah it did. Thanks. It was really interesting. I am glad you told me more about it. That helped me get an idea picture. So you think you have this? Well anyway keep us posted. If you are concerened about it you should talk to your phychiatrist about it. Well anyway christmas was great for me. We had fun. We had good food and we stayed pretty late. I was tired by the time we got home. My brother and a few others left early but everyone else stayed. Plus everyone did come. It was great. It was after midnight before we got home. I know. We were just having so much fun. Well anyway can't wait to talk to you both soon.

[innerchild09]

Oh I thought I would post this for amylove. Here are the symptoms I wrote down for aspergers.

1. Difficulty in choosing a topic of conversation
2.they may not reconize when a person has lost interest in the topic.
3 they may speak in a monotone (not sure what that means) and may not respond to peoples comments or emotions.
4.may have difficulty understanding sarcasm or humor.
5.problems with eye contact, facial expressions, body postures, or gesters.
6.called weird or strang by other kids
7.difficult in devoloping relationships
8.does not express pleasure at other peoples happiness
9.repetitive bahaviors including injuring oneself
10.finger/hand flapping, twisting or whole body movements
11.unusually intense preocupation with narrow areas of interest, such as obsessions with objects
12.tends to be in own world
13.repeating themselves over and over
14.lacking of showing bringing or pointing out objects of interest.
15.inability to respond emotionally in normal social interactions
16.not flexable about routines or rituals
17.preoccupied with parts of whole objects.

   Hope that helped you amylove

[innerchild09]

Well all you can do is take one step at a time. Good luck with that. I hope you are able to start improving your life. I'm pretty bummed. I'm really depressed. Mom guilted me into going. So I had to see my family. It was not enjoyable. I just stayed in the back waiting for time to pass. I didn't really feel like socializing and I didn't. I felt it was better to just try not to interact because I really don't have any good thoughts about some family members. And I didn't want to ruin mom's christmas. You see how I said mom's. I don't really care if certain family members xmas is ruined but i didn't want to ruin mom's. Also my cousins or one cousin's  son or my grandpa even though he hurt me too but I'm not sure if he ment to. But everyone else I couldn't care less about. I only went for mom. she had a good time but I was glad when it was over. I know bah humbug no Christmas spirit. I wanted to stay in bed too today. But no mom was going to not go to be home with me. And I'm already messing up her life as is so I didn't want to be the reason her Christmas was lousy. Anyway enough about that I checked out that site agian. I'm going to see how it goes. I still like this site better but I do think the whole chatroom thing is pretty neat.

[Jaquta]

I don't feel like doing a lot either.  My brother's girlfriend needs to be doing something all the time and I think that has pushed me even further in the opposite direction (of not wanting to do anything).  On some level I probably want to be out there doing some stuff but ... I don't know.  I just don't feel like it.  I would rather go to bed and sleep all day (and all night).  At least that's a good temporary way to escape from everything.
I canceled all my follow-up oncology and surgical appointments and asked that I be discharged back to my GP.  I might make an appointment with him at the end of Jan but I think I'm going to skip all these weekly appointments.  Maybe keep my one for 5 Jan though.
I think I need to look at why my life isn't working and try and change it.  Maybe one little thing at a time.  I can't deal with everything as it is now.

I don't have much to say today.  Have a great Xmas.

Love J

[innerchild09]

I ment the forum allthough there was only like 30 people in one chat room but I didn't go in cuz I haven't joined yet. And there probably won't even be anyone on tomorrow. If there is I may join it since everyone will be pretty busy tomorrow.

Ok I may type it up tomorrow and you can read it when you come back amylove. I don't know for sure if it will be posted or not. Maybe we can talk more about it later. I don't know. I sometimes visit those forums to read about people who know they have it. Many of them feel some what how I feel. Well mine will stink cuz I'm going to be alone. But that's ok. I don't really feel up to celebrating anymore.

Take care. Hope we get to talk soon.

[Jaquta]

Hi everyone.  It was good to hear from you both.  I hope everything goes well for you both.  Have a great day.

I was a bit surprised to hear how slow the chat rooms are.  When I chatted, admittedly several years ago now, there were quite a few people.  There were always people on.
I think medhelp provides a better service though.  I like having that expert advice.

Take care.  Have a great Xmas.  I hope families don't fight, etc.  Sounds like it should be OK.  Have fun.

[amylove21]

Yes I'd be happy to check it out your list. I proabaly won't be on tomorrow though. If I have any time I will try to write so you won't be lonely, but I don't know if I'll be able to. So we'll see. Hope you two are doing better. I don't have a lot of time. I have to get to bed soon because we're leaving kinda early. So I'll talk to you later.

[innerchild09]

The problem is getting the doctor to listen. It's more than just two symptoms. I fit most of them. But it's like no one wants to test an adult because they always assume that if they had it then it would have been diagnosid. But that ain't neccarrly true because if no one is looking for it then it can be easily missed. Maybe he did. Maybe I'm that and bipolar. I don't know. I may never know if I can't get my doc to listen. It's not that I'm trying to question him. It ain't that. I mean I could still be bipolar but I don't know. I don't know I may ask him about it when I go into see him next month. See what he says.

Anyway I hope you have a better Xmas than me because I ain't gonna be doing anything. Oh I checked out that website. I will concider joining it. It is interesting cuz it's all mental health but it isn't very active so I don't know if I'll have anyone to talk to or not on there. My mom just came in. She seems in a bad mood. I hope she ain't gonna try something. Be on later.

[Jaquta]

I hope you're feeling better now.  I expect the anxiety over your open door stuff is eating at both you and your mother.

Just the eye contact thing and the social awkwardness made me think of autism, etc.  I'm not serious.  Your doctor needs to diagnose you.  Or I think in your case you should probably get a second opinion.  I think your doctor may have overlooked stuff or made a mistake.  Anyway, it's not important.  It's what we do about our symptoms that count.

I'll try to get back on tomorrow, even if only briefly.
The memorial service went well today although I really hated the socializing.
I hope you guys have a brilliant Xmas.

[innerchild09]

Today was lousy. I did have an anxiety attack just like you warned me. It happened anyway. I have no idea what will happen. Mom thinks she is getting rejected because she sounded smart. I told her they'll probably aprove her for her physical actually diagnosed problem. My mom is doing better now. Her sugar is back up agian. She's over her suicide fit. Well anyway I don't know what's going to happen. I think the only way I'll get aproved is through mental and mom physical. So I don't know what will happen. We should find out sometime next month. I ain't positve about it. I never am. Anyway because of the pill incodent I had the worst anxiety ever a 5. Also I cried hysterically. My eyes are red from that.

Oh thanks for the website I'll check it out and see if I want to join it or not. It depends on if they have lots of mental things to chat about. It is a chat place right. Nevermind I'll look myself. Well anyway how are you two? I hope we get to chat tomorrow. I know you two probably won't be on here Christmas so I won't be expecting to much.

And about the aspergers thing. Are you serios? Not in I can't believe you even think that but on do you think I could be. I was wondering because this is something I have thought about for awhile now. I myself have been thinking I could have aspergers. So that's why I freaked not because you put it on here but because I may not be the only one who thinks that. Anyway Amylove there is a forum about it here so you can get some info if you want. But if you need more info I have an asperger page symptoms written down. I'll be happy to post it later.

Anyway take care. Both of you.

[amylove21]

I hope you get aproved. Don't worry about it. You'll get anxiety. I know you need to get out more. So it would be good for you. Hopefully it will all work out ok. I really do. Good luck. Also happy holidays. I was out so I was busy all day. We are for sure having our family thing. I hope it goes well.

I have a question. What's aspegers? Is that a mental health problem? I know I probably sound lame that I don't know much about certain health issues but I don't reaaly spend a lot of time looking up stuff like you guys do. But maybe that would be a good website to check out. I'm to busy to join another site or I would check it out too. But I don't always have the time.

I hope both of you have a good day today and tomorrow. And try to come on here as soon as you can. Ok bye now.

[Jaquta]

Good luck for your thing tomorrow.
Just focus on one thing at a time and don't get ahead of yourself.
Could you have asperger's?  I probably spelled that wrong.  When I can see I might look up the criteria.  It's not to label you, just for interest's sake.
I really can't see that well with all this allergy stuff going on.  My GP gave me stuff but it hasn't worked very well.

Take care.  Don't stress and I hope your open door thing goes well.
Keep posting or go to other forums if nobody is here to chat too.
You could also check out realmentalhealth.com.  Haven't chatted there in years but it may be a good alternative (to sitting alone feeling miserable).

[innerchild09]

I'm really nervouse about tomorrow cuz we have to apply for the open door. It is our only hope for going ANYWHERE EVER. So if we get denied then we're out of luck. Or if Mom gets denied or if I get denied. The only way it will work out is if both of us get accepted. If we don't we'll remain inside trapped like rats forever. With my luck mom and me both or I get rejected. Also mom is showing me plenty of love and suport. NOT!!! She says if we get rejected it will all be my fault not hers. OOH she makes me so mad. She always blames me. I can't take it. I just don't want to be here anymore. I am tired of it ALWAYS being my fault in mom's eyes. And I'm tired of my life. And I'm going to be really upset if we don't get it. Then we'll always be in the house 24/7. Auuuugggh! I can't live like this anymore! I really can't! I hope someone responds. I'm really upset right now.

[innerchild09]

I'm glad to hear it. As for me lousy. I feel really depressed what else is new. I spend about 60% of my time depressed and 35% of my time angry and depressed maybe 4% angry by itself and leaving 1% where I actually feel happy unless I'm in front of the tv/computer/some other way with objects of escaping. Or I'm in my own little world which tends to really annoy mom when she is talking and I don't hear. She gets so mad. It's kinda funny that I can get absorbed in objects or reading or stuff and not space out but when someone talks I'm zoned out. Like right now I am paying complete attention with no interuptions and no spacing off. I can type without going into the zone. But if we were talking face to face there is a good chance one of my replies to what you have to say is HUH. I can't really help it. I've been that way since I was a kid. Well anyways that is how I've been doing lately. Bla. Lousy as usual.

[amylove21]

Well at least you got them. You needed them. So how are you today. I'm pretty good. I don't know if all the relitives are going or not but it looks like our family Christmas is going to happen after all. I am so glad about that. I'm in a pretty good mood. Mom is happy. All of us are excited except my brother who still thinks it may end in disaster. I'm trying to get him to come with then go to his friends later. He said he'll think about it. So we'll see. Just thought you should know I'm doing better now.

[innerchild09]

That's weird that it happened. It happened to Jaquata too but she had a long post but made it short cuz it messed up. I am so sick of the way things are. We did get our gloves finally, but we had to borrow the money. This stinks. I don't feel like having to borrow money is a way of life. I mean once in awhile is fine, but when your super poor it seems to be a hole you can't get out of. But that's how we have to live now. I feel like we are at the bottom of everything. I really do.

[amylove21]

Hi I'm keeping this short because my **** post got erased! I am so mad now I have to change my mood tracked. I don't know how Christmas is gonna go but my bro still wants to go to a friends. And I've been listening to Christmas music all day. I had a WAY BETTER POST BEFORE THAN THIS ONE. STUPID WEBSITE!!!! As you can tell I'm mad. By the way accidentally hit the caps button but I'm to mad to change it.

[innerchild09]

I'm not in a super bad mood. No I'm never really truely happy. At least I'm so so today. I spent all day in front of the tv. That's why it took me forever to respond. Christmas is getting closer. Do you know what is going to happen yet? Has your family worked it out yet? There ain't a lot of time left. Thanks for the comment on my jernol and the note. So how are you doing? Let us know ok.

[amylove21]

I'm sorry to hear that your depressed right now. It's not good for you to feel so bad about yourself and your life. But maybe venting will help. I wish you wouldn't feel like you'd be better off dead because that is not true. I know you feel sad right now but there is a reason that you are here. It's to bad you don't know anyone you can hang out with to get away from your mom for a little while. I mean you say that you both are stuck at home all the time so maybe what you really need is a break from each other. I know I would go nuts if I had to be stuck at home with my parents and my siblings all the time. I hope that tomorrow is better for you.

[innerchild09]

I thought it was apropriate to talk here. My mood is terrible today. I feel like I'm better off dead. My mom is ******* me off. I love her but she is getting on my last nerves. I just want to grow up and get the **** out of here. Also I'm really depressed today. I just needed to vent. I am stressed out and I don't need it from her as well. I can't stand how my life is. I feel like a puppy still needing milk from mom but I want to seperate so bad. Not saying I want her out of my life. I just want to be able to live alone so I don't have to deal with all of this anymore. People really know how to stress me out. That's part of why I choose to be a loner. Unfortantly I still am very depepndent on my Mom and I just don't understand why I can't grow up. I am tired of feeling like a burdon to society and to my mom. I feel like I am just wasting space. I really do. Right now I'm in one of those moods where I am both really depressed but I'm also mad at my mom and also myself because I feel so messed up in the head and so stupid in life. I'm not going back and forth or anything. Maybe this is normal bipolar stuff or maybe I just really hate myself and my life. Which I do. Thanks for listening. Anyway I hope you post on the other two most active forums too. I'd like to hear from you guys of course and anyone else who wants to talk.

[amylove21]

Wow he only talked to you once before diagnosing you. That was fast. I see why you wonder if it is correct. He either is a really good doctor or really needs to get to know you more. I didn't get dianosised for awhile. After I found out I went through denial. I just couldn't believe that there was really something wrong with me. But I did accept it and I'm glad I did. Being treated isn't easy because of side affects and trying to find the right medicin to help. But I guess it's like that for all pills.

[innerchild09]

I don't think it's a control thing. I think it may be anger related. I admit sometimes I feel like I hold some anger toward her for how she acted when I was a teenager. Maybe she really couldn't help it. I don't know but she hurt me when I was a teen. Maybe that's why I lash out on her now.

And yeah I see what your saying about mania. I don't get mania myself but I sure get the anger. I read a lot in the bipolar forum. As for me I was told I had depression for a long time. Since I was a kid. So I believed that is what I had. Of course now the diagnosis is bipolar and not depression. As far as I know Mom still has the depression lable. But I don't I am the other thing. So I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if I really am bipolar. I mean he made it so quick. And I read that sometimes depression can cause anger, but so can bipolar. I know I could be but maybe I haven't fully accepted it. I don't know. All I know is there is defenitly something wrong with me. I can admit that. Maybe I am bipolar. I guess the main reason I kinda doubt is because of how fast he made the diagnosis.