No physical problem, feeling really weird/bad..

[Andrews0612]

First I would like to say hello to all and thanks for everyone that reads this.

I'm a 25 years old student, male, and I live in Brazil. I would like to tell a little about me, because something is happening to me and, besides all my struggle and positive toughts, it's been really hard to keep with my life.

I would like to say a little about my family, because I think my problems are directly related to them. In short words, my mother and my father are divorced and my mother has allways been ausent and she used to use a lot of drugs (well she's stoped with most now). My father, since I was a child, allways told me that I was useless and that I would be nothing in my life. 5 years ago, before I start college, I had a really stressed episode in wich my father processed (I don't know exactly how to say this in english, but when someone go to the judge or court) not to give me anything from his herance saying that I did'nt deserve anything because I didnt wnat to study and a lot more things that are not true.

Well, obviously he lost, but that really made something with my mind and from that time on i have passed for a lot of mental disturbies. My main problem is to think that I'm not capable of doing things. Altough I had entered in a good college, and I'll probably graduate and work, I'm in constant stress with almost everything I have to do, like if someone is wacthing me everytime to see if I'm going to succed or fail. That really make me forget what I'm doing or lose my toughts lots of times daily, and I need to do some great efforts to work well, resulting that, in the end of the day (sometimes much sooner, around 14:00 15:00) I'm totally wasted.

This is like everything started and, with that, I started a psicholagical treatment (I'll talk about this later). I have passed trough lots of disturbies like a high depression that lasted for 3 years and I almost comitted suicide. After I overcome  that, I had  another high anxiety about having HIV/hepatits ar any STD (I did tons of tests  and they allways comebacked negative). Lately, started my lack of energy and disturbies of feeling like I'm going to die, couldn't breath and my acelerated heart. Again I did alot of exams and doctrs said my health is very good.

And what's making me crazy now is a non-stop feeling of lack of energy and a kind of headache in the frontal part of head wich make dificult to look around, make my relflexes slow and I'm in a constant feeling of beeing out of the world like I'm dreaming or something. The only think that can make me normal and feel a little happy is  when  I'm drunk. My pains go away and I can have some fun. But this is starting to become a problem, because I'm drinking too much and I know this is not the solution.

About my therapy, it looks like that, whenever I get better about a problem, I start a new one. I've tryed a lot of drugs like paroxetina, certralina, venlafaxina, litium, ritalina, sulpirida, and now I'm taking citalopram, but none sounds to work.. I confess that, sometimes I lose my strength and quit therapy and treatments for some time..

Well that's what I'm felling right now. Only the fact that I can write here is something to make kinda of peace in my heart. Maybe I can find someone that is passing for something alike and we can talk. Best wishes to all and sorry if my english is too wrong.

[innerchild09]

I'm really glad that you got to go on vacation and do stuff. And I'm also glad that our words helped some. Yes I do the same thing. I get absorbed into other things to get away from all of the stress. It is a lonely way of living. It did help me to find this site because I could still be absorbed but I don't have to be lonely. Of course the computer doesn't take the place for true socializing in the world but it can help. If you have people to talk to outside the web too would be great. As sfor me I'm so far in my shell I don't really have a social life outside of the computer, but I don't really feel ready for one. So I am ok with being on here but if you do have friends it's still good to hang out and stuff. Of course you can always come on here anytime to talk. We would be happy to listen. And as you know Jaquta and I are on here a lot talking about our lives and stuff and so does Amylove sometimes. So we have plenty of stories so don't be a stranger you can say your own oppions too. Anyway thanks for the friend invite. That was nice. Anyway you can talk here whenever you want to. Have a good day.

[Andrews0612]

Hello again.

It took me some time to answer because I was in vacation and, since I work with computers (I'm a Computer Science student), I decided not to touch them for a time to give my mind a break and enjoy only natural things like the sea and the nature (I live in a very beautiful place, search for Florianópolis in google if interested). I have to say that it was really refreshing and I recomend for everyone.

I want to say thanks for the support. I also want to chat with all, I think this is a good way to help each other.

Reading your answers I see that all of you agree that my relationship with my parents is the factor that start all of this, and I agree with you. It's very good to hear that because sometimes when I try to explain that for someone else they just don't understand how hard it is.

I really identified with what innerchild09 said about family problems and spending a lot of times depressed because I also do this. I also have anger towards my parents, especially my father, and sometimes it burns me inside. I used to play a lot of computer games when I was depressed to forget about my problems but, by doing this, I realize that I was living in a small and lonely world that is so hard to get rid of like stop smoking or something. Just now I still have a desire to just start playing and forget everything.

About the symptoms I fell, I think Jaquta got the point. They become worse when I'm out of my house so they might have something to do with anxiety and panic.

Let's keep chating, and thanks for everyone to believe me, that makes me feel better.

Cya!

[Jaquta]

Your English is good.  You communicate very well.
I think you have a lot of self-doubts and confidence issues based on your upbringing.
Negative words from family members can undermine us the most.  They can be extremely hurtful and long-lasting.

I believe you are capable.  Despite all that is going on you sound determined.

All that effort would make anyone feel tired.

It sounds like you may be describing anxiety and even panic at points.

You may have a tension headache or even a migraine from all the stress.
I think what you are describing is mainly due to stress and anxiety.

I think you need to continue taking meds or go to therapy in order for it to be of use.

I can relate.  I feel pretty tired and stressed and anxious.  Life feels like more of a chore than a pleasure.

If you want good advice about what could be helpful you may like to check out the mental health expert forum.  I think the doctor there is excellent.

[innerchild09]

Hello there and welcome. Nice to have you on here. We look foraward to chatting some more. Anyway I know what Amylove is saying about your relationship with your dad. He could be part of the reason why you feel the way you do. What a parent tells you can go along way. Plus the negitive words is what we tend to take in even when there are positive ones. My family life is lousy. The only person I have in this world is my mom. She's all I got. I have been betrayed by my friends and my family. I understand how you feel like that it's like a dream sometimes except for me it's more of a nighmare. I feel like I'm not all the way here. I spend a lot of my time depressed. And of course my mom and I don't always get along. Our relationship is far from perfect. I am still effected by what she said when I was a teenager even now. Allthough now I'm just as mean back. I may have anger toward her. And I'm pretty sure she has anger toward me. I feel like a burdon and have no future. But it sounds like your parents may have some problems too. Also I don't know for sure what's causing your headaches and other symptoms. It may be anxiety related because it can cause a number of symptoms. Or it could be something else. Have you went to a doctor to see if ther is a physical reason for these symptoms. If there is no physical cause it could be anxiety symptoms or maybe stress. I know sometimes when I'm really stressed I get this feeling like my head is pounding without the pain but then feels like my head is going to explode. This has been going on for 3 years.

Anyway it was nice getting to know you a bit and I hope we can chat sometime. You can post anything you want or if you want to vent feel free. Venting helps release some of the stress and frustration plus it's a good way to let out some problems and to get suport. You can respond to any of the other posts if you want. Feel free to check them out if you want to. You don't have to but no one minds. I have vented a lot on here so if you do read you may learn a lot about me.

Anyway have a nice day.

[amylove21]

Hello welcome. I think it was very interesting what you said. First of all your father is wrong to treat you like that. You shouldn't let him get you down. Sounds like he may have some problems himself. And don't give up you are worth it and can do things. You are able to do things. It's nice to come on here to chat. I've been dealing with some family issues because of there being a lot of mental illness in my family. No I don't know what it is like to be put down by a parent but I'm sure it hurts. You look up to parents and when they tell you your no good or anything bad people tend to believe it cuz it's a parent so they are right. But it isn't right. I think it's just as bad when a parent is mean to a son or daughter as a kid disrespecting a parent. Maybe he don't realize how much he hurts you. I don't know why he does it. Maybe he has emotional problems. Who's to say but no matter what you deserve to be treated with respect and with dignity.
Don't give up and feel free to post on here anytime. I'm sure one of us would be happy to respond. Look foraward to talking to you.