My 9 year old daughter hits her little brother (aged 7) and constantly fights with him over trivial issues.

[Moonshadow0302]

My 9 year old daughter constantly fights with her younger brother aged 7. She hits him for no reason and just does not understand the word "NO". I have tried every method possible, from encouragement to time out, but nothing seems to work. The littlest thing make her go into a sulk. She is a wonderful child otherwise, very loving and often takes care of her little brother, getting him sweets and saving up sweets if she gets them from her friends for him. But the moment she gets home from school she starts off hararssing him like taking his things away and not giving them back just to annoy him. She also has a habit of throwing tantrums when I tell her off, throwing things around, even though sometimes I have got really furious with her and sent her off to bed. Even this does not seem to make her feel that she needs to stop doing it. I have tried to offer rewards for good behaviour. |But even this does not work. I am at my wit's end as to how to change her behaviour!

[Pogo114]

Excuse the typo :-)

[Pogo114]

My daughter was doing the same thing to her brother, I thought it was attention seeking after being away from me all day so I set aside 20 minutes after school where it was just the two of us having a chat or maybe preparing dinner or doing homework together, now it's almost completely stopped.

[mitchell02996]

you say u have tried everything but i havent heard the right awnser yet there id dtill one thing that u guys apearently havent tried and that is the one thing that has worked for centuries and in the south we still use this method its called bend them over your knee and bust their rear good for them my mom and dad did it to me and it apearently did me some good cuz i have never done anything as far as drugs or anything like that goes i have a house a job and a car and a lovley wife and am gettin ready to be a father. and as far as gettin her friend to join in tell her mother or father and dont let her come back over come on your a parent dont let ur kids bully u around and drive you insane

[eyeflingpu]

i understand exactly where you are coming from. I am having the same problem, infact it's been ongoing for years and no matter how we deal with it she carries on.
She says i dont spend time with her and that she never gets anything ( if anything shes the one that gets the most).
I arrange for myself and my daughter to do things together and just before we do she'll ruin it by attacking her brother just because hes there.
Im at the end of my rope, i never had any of this from her older brother who's 16 now. I feel like Im a bad parent as i cant seem to resolve this.
I try to speak to her about what might be wrong but she never opens up n just says she doesnt know why.
I've tried the activities thing and it doesnt work. We even make sure she has a friend come and stay so she feels better and so it can take the attention away from wanting to hurt her brother, but she then gets her friend to join in.

[jdtm]

But the moment she gets home from school she starts off hararssing him like taking his things away and not giving them back just to annoy him.  --  your words

Sounds to me as if your daughter is just releasing "stress and anxiety" from being in school all day.  Why not set up a situation so that your daughter is not in contact with your son for an hour or so - perhaps a chore, or physcial activity for one of them, whatever.  I think your daughter just needs some "down time" without her brother (perhaps without anyone).  Just one opinion ....