Aa
want to become "asexual" or decrease libido
I have tried to find books and search the internet for help on becoming unattracted to either sex. I desperately want to become asexual. I do not want to have children, I do not want to get married, sex is truly not for me and I want no part of it what so ever. Are there any medications I could take that could suppress my libido without causing terrible side effects? Are there any books that will help me with this issue? I hate sex and never want to take part in it again. When i say these kinds of things they are looked at as something wrong...i don't understand why. Yes i know sex is completely normal and natural, but I hate it. Is there a surgery that can be performed to help?
This discussion is related to Getting Rid of a Sex Drive.
This discussion is related to Getting Rid of a Sex Drive.
Old thread, but was investigating online and it popped up. I have been making advances towards the development of my own asexuality through meditation.
Before proceeding, let me stress that I have never heard of meditation recommended for this purpose. Meditative traditions are not to blame for unusual pursuits like my interest in going asexual.
I have wanted to become asexual for a long time, for many of the reasons stated above. Sexual love inevitably leads to hurt and loss, whereas platonic love seems to simpler and safer to the heart. It's certainly safer if disease is a concern. Cultivating sexual relationships is exhausting: it's hard to convince someone to sleep with one in the first place, and numerous, often onerous, responsibilities tend to accompany sexually sanctioned unions.
Polovrine speaks for me above in addressing the disingenuous nature of courtship; there is something so false about being charming to a potential partner when we all know I'm in it largely for future bed-play.
In my Vipassana practice, I focus on the cubic millimeter of greatest intensity in my body. That cubic millimeter shifts about at various speeds, and I just follow it. I feel it, much as one feels around on the floor for something dropped on the ground, or as someone who attends to the sensation in a bodily region when reporting symptoms to a doctor. When attraction and arousal sensations present themselves, I locate them in the body and zoom in, trying to find and feel the cubic millimeter of volume with the greatest intensity of feeling. It will probably be in the genital area, and may spread upward into the thoracic chamber, affecting my breathing. Sometimes the global spread is stronger than the initial arousal sensation in the grown. In any case, I constantly track the progress of that cubic millimeter of greatest intensity. If there is a tie for greatest intensity between locations, I just pick one until the other, or an altogether new area, begins to dominate.
Through this practice, I adapt to my urges. By facing the sensation head on, taking a close look (or rather feel) at it, I become very familiar with it and accustomed to it.
In descending into a cold swimming pool, at first it is uncomfortable but within 30 seconds it feels great. Likewise, by turning towards and getting close to our urges, cravings, and pain, they cease to perturb. I can bear craving without difficulty for as long as I do this practice. Even after ending mindful body-scanning as described above, a residue of mindfulness remains that curbs strong cravings and snap reactions to pain.
Thus, through mindfulness in the way described above, I adapt to any and all cravings such that they neither disturb my peace and internal balance, nor drive behavior. I have been able to use this approach to work through the desire for romantic companionship and sexual urges.
Incidentally, I may actually have sexual intercourse from time to time, but only as a gift to someone who really wants it. I can get back the libido if only I zoom out and stop feeling the location of greatest intensity. But I never masturbate, and I was an orgasm and porn addict. That is all in the distant past. I like the feeling of testosterone coursing in my bloodstream so don't alleviate it through unnecessary ejaculations.
If it is your goal to end the craving for romantic love, attraction, and sex, you might try feeling your lustful urge sensations--the narrower the focus the better--and see what happens.
Before proceeding, let me stress that I have never heard of meditation recommended for this purpose. Meditative traditions are not to blame for unusual pursuits like my interest in going asexual.
I have wanted to become asexual for a long time, for many of the reasons stated above. Sexual love inevitably leads to hurt and loss, whereas platonic love seems to simpler and safer to the heart. It's certainly safer if disease is a concern. Cultivating sexual relationships is exhausting: it's hard to convince someone to sleep with one in the first place, and numerous, often onerous, responsibilities tend to accompany sexually sanctioned unions.
Polovrine speaks for me above in addressing the disingenuous nature of courtship; there is something so false about being charming to a potential partner when we all know I'm in it largely for future bed-play.
In my Vipassana practice, I focus on the cubic millimeter of greatest intensity in my body. That cubic millimeter shifts about at various speeds, and I just follow it. I feel it, much as one feels around on the floor for something dropped on the ground, or as someone who attends to the sensation in a bodily region when reporting symptoms to a doctor. When attraction and arousal sensations present themselves, I locate them in the body and zoom in, trying to find and feel the cubic millimeter of volume with the greatest intensity of feeling. It will probably be in the genital area, and may spread upward into the thoracic chamber, affecting my breathing. Sometimes the global spread is stronger than the initial arousal sensation in the grown. In any case, I constantly track the progress of that cubic millimeter of greatest intensity. If there is a tie for greatest intensity between locations, I just pick one until the other, or an altogether new area, begins to dominate.
Through this practice, I adapt to my urges. By facing the sensation head on, taking a close look (or rather feel) at it, I become very familiar with it and accustomed to it.
In descending into a cold swimming pool, at first it is uncomfortable but within 30 seconds it feels great. Likewise, by turning towards and getting close to our urges, cravings, and pain, they cease to perturb. I can bear craving without difficulty for as long as I do this practice. Even after ending mindful body-scanning as described above, a residue of mindfulness remains that curbs strong cravings and snap reactions to pain.
Thus, through mindfulness in the way described above, I adapt to any and all cravings such that they neither disturb my peace and internal balance, nor drive behavior. I have been able to use this approach to work through the desire for romantic companionship and sexual urges.
Incidentally, I may actually have sexual intercourse from time to time, but only as a gift to someone who really wants it. I can get back the libido if only I zoom out and stop feeling the location of greatest intensity. But I never masturbate, and I was an orgasm and porn addict. That is all in the distant past. I like the feeling of testosterone coursing in my bloodstream so don't alleviate it through unnecessary ejaculations.
If it is your goal to end the craving for romantic love, attraction, and sex, you might try feeling your lustful urge sensations--the narrower the focus the better--and see what happens.
First things first, what you are asking for is not to become "asexual"; I am an asexual woman and I can tell you one thing: sexual urges are not what your orientation is. Asexuality does not mean a lack of arousal or sexual urges, it simply means that you don't react to any individual person with that desire. You don't get attracted to them in a sexual way. BUT an asexual person certainly can still have sexual urges, arousal, a libido. An asexual can also be sexually active and enjoy it. Personally I do not, but I know of others that do, some of them married, some even poly-amorous, with multiple partners, not because they're attracted physically to all their partners, but because they enjoy getting their urge taken care of and trust them in that respect.
Now, what you are asking for is not to "become asexual", but to decrease your libido. I hate to make assumptions, but from your description you seem to have some repulsion towards sex and sexual activity... You could also try meeting a sex therapist just to make sure that this repulsion isn't a sign of other distress. And also remember that just because you are straight, gay, bi, asexual, or what-have-you, it doesn't mean you HAVE to have sex, or not have sex, or that you HAVE to seek some kind of that pleasure, or that you have to stay away from it. Whatever you discover is your thing, you do that. Whatever's comfortable. Believe me, people will demand you be one way or another, and you mustn't listen to them. Most people wouldn't believe that I exist, or you, but ta-da--here we are. Hang in there.
Now, what you are asking for is not to "become asexual", but to decrease your libido. I hate to make assumptions, but from your description you seem to have some repulsion towards sex and sexual activity... You could also try meeting a sex therapist just to make sure that this repulsion isn't a sign of other distress. And also remember that just because you are straight, gay, bi, asexual, or what-have-you, it doesn't mean you HAVE to have sex, or not have sex, or that you HAVE to seek some kind of that pleasure, or that you have to stay away from it. Whatever you discover is your thing, you do that. Whatever's comfortable. Believe me, people will demand you be one way or another, and you mustn't listen to them. Most people wouldn't believe that I exist, or you, but ta-da--here we are. Hang in there.
I too want to become an asexual. I want to interact with all human beings in a nonsexual way. I don't ever want to have any 'special feelings' for any one person in particular. I like knowing that when I am friends with a woman, that it is for the 'right reasons', not some ploy to try to get her to eventually sleep with me. I think that having a sex drive makes me a big phoney on so many levels in terms of my interaction with the opposite sex. I am always pretending like I don't want to get intimately involved with women, and I am always 'pretending' that I don't want to sleep with other mens' girlfriends or wives. The world would be better off if I could just be asexual.
Are you kidding me? If you don't want to have sex YOU ARE ASEXUAL. Nothing wrong with that. If on the other hand you do want to have sex ( you do have a libido) but can't stand the stuff that comes along with it, or it gets you into trouble then that's the problem. You don't run away from it by trying to kill your sex drive. Make better choices of how you express your sexuality or find out why you have such issues with it..
I may be prying but I'm really concerned. Did something happen recently that has caused you to feel this way? Maybe you need to talk to someone to help you thru it.
Once I read your post I went searching the web to find an answer to your question and came across this website http://www.asexuality.org/home/general.html#def13 . I hoep this helps and good luck.
If you just need a strangers ear or someone to talk to let me know.
Once I read your post I went searching the web to find an answer to your question and came across this website http://www.asexuality.org/home/general.html#def13 . I hoep this helps and good luck.
If you just need a strangers ear or someone to talk to let me know.
hi people i read a lot about asexuals, i don't know if being physically attracted to a man, that you feel in the mood when you see either his pictures or touch his face, like getting you the feeling of wanting to kiss him and not only that you know, it's a way of saying he is attractive, but what is asexuality? is it the opposite to that? i mena is it when a person doesn't feel that? i tell you that i have feelings mostly when i see pictures of attractive men, but only few men in my country i have been attracted to..so i don't know if i'm asexual or not. but i read a lot that asexuality is a condition where you are by no means attracted to any men, tv personality or not. correct me if i'm wrong, most of the men i like are personalities or foriegners.
if you have sexual desire and urges then it is probably impossible to become asexual in strict sense, it is not a matter of free chioce, the same can be said about sexual orientation...or other sexual variations/preferences. Mental attitudes or opinions do not always have the power to rule over our bodies... It would be more practical and reasonable to look for some suitable ways of dealing with natural physical needs, whether alone (autoerotica, masturbation, porn etc) or with (long term or short term or even unknown) partners... I mean it would be helpful to discover some way of satisfying those needs which would be in harmony with your personality/attitude/lifestyle...and which would not lead to physical or emotional frustration. How to do it, it is another question and I must admit that this question (and the struggle for finding the answer in practical life) is one of the most difficult guestions of life, universe and everything:)
I'm a woman, it feels like torture wanting to become asexual and there's nothing that can be done about it. Guess i'll have to just deal with it and be miserable
LOL about priesthood! But I'd have thought some sort of religious conviction might be handy too ;-). And he'd have to pick the right flavour - plenty of religions, including Anglican/Episcopalian, are totally in favour of their priests having a sexual relationship (as long as it's with someone they're married to).
I don't think it's as simple as "don't do it." Abstaining from sex won't get rid of sexual desires or urges. They will happen regardless.
I have no idea if there is any medical treatment that would help. Maybe some sort of hormone injection. It's not likely to be something you could acquire without going to see a doctor.
I don't think it's as simple as "don't do it." Abstaining from sex won't get rid of sexual desires or urges. They will happen regardless.
I have no idea if there is any medical treatment that would help. Maybe some sort of hormone injection. It's not likely to be something you could acquire without going to see a doctor.
You are an ideal candidate for priesthood. If you don't want to have sex or be in a relationship the answer is simple, don't do it and you don't have to give explanations to anyone. You don't need surgery to avoid sex or sexual desires, just don't do it.
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