Aa
90 days by the grace of God...
Well I dragged my way to 90 days complaining and moaning most of the time. And today was the worst ever. My father died last week and the turmoil and pain all the mixed feeling had me desperate to use. I could taste the feeling and feel it's warm glow. Why I didn't had something to do with this group. and dumb luck.
This is very very hard and each day presents a challenge There are so many things that I am mourning for now, my Dad's death, my DOC, my mother's death, my husbands stroke...that I can't tease out what is what.hat
Thank you for reading this . It creates a type of a ring of hope that I can cling to.
ZJ
This is very very hard and each day presents a challenge There are so many things that I am mourning for now, my Dad's death, my DOC, my mother's death, my husbands stroke...that I can't tease out what is what.hat
Thank you for reading this . It creates a type of a ring of hope that I can cling to.
ZJ
agree with domino..not fair to experience all of this in ur first 90 days clean///but life has no "breaks" for us just cos we r fresh on clean time...life will move on with or without us...guess we have to learn in the long there is no "good" time to get clean...I saw where I posted my dad was doing well///I thought so but now he is not...he is in icu due to lung issues after 45 yrs of smaoking even tho he stopped 10 yrs ago///the last time I thought I wa gonna lose him
Fact is//I will loose him/whether it is this go around or the next/less I go first///At this point my relapsing will not help this loss///cos it is gonna hurt and no drug use will ever prepare me for this
feeling and praying for u...just know moving backward will not solve anything///only continuing to move forward...in whatever motion forward may be ///can be almost a zig zag motion sometimes...just try with all of ur soul not to move backwards///as i do believe they//those we lose as part of lifes course///can look down from above/in their peaceful place that we have yet to reach/they can perhaps look down on this earth and see us///be safe///and try ur best to mopve FORWARD///all u can do is the best u can do
Fact is//I will loose him/whether it is this go around or the next/less I go first///At this point my relapsing will not help this loss///cos it is gonna hurt and no drug use will ever prepare me for this
feeling and praying for u...just know moving backward will not solve anything///only continuing to move forward...in whatever motion forward may be ///can be almost a zig zag motion sometimes...just try with all of ur soul not to move backwards///as i do believe they//those we lose as part of lifes course///can look down from above/in their peaceful place that we have yet to reach/they can perhaps look down on this earth and see us///be safe///and try ur best to mopve FORWARD///all u can do is the best u can do
I so wished i lived right next door to you. As for your dads estate type things, just try and take one thing at a time. I know it is so painful but the more you make yourself do this the quicker it will get done. Is your husband expected to make a full recovery? You are a strong woman ZJ. Give yourself some credit for that. You deserve it!!!! When is the last time you did something nice for yourself? I am in your corner rooting you on......sara
I am really struggling. I want to use so badly but know where it leads. I have be exerciseing like a lunatic and walking in circles singing "I:m Henry the 8th I am, over... and over in the back yard ...Much to the neighbors delight. I have spent all the other time on the computer either playing games and reading the posts. I can think of nothing to look forward to and have loads of work around my Dad's death to complete.
Poor pitiful me....I need to accept my responsibilities and stop complaining or wanting some big Daddy in the sky to magically do it all for me. My husbands stroke has left him with cognitive problems that make it pretty hard from him to help.
On to television, my peace, my love, my temple,
jill
Poor pitiful me....I need to accept my responsibilities and stop complaining or wanting some big Daddy in the sky to magically do it all for me. My husbands stroke has left him with cognitive problems that make it pretty hard from him to help.
On to television, my peace, my love, my temple,
jill
How are you today?
Please keep strength,It's not worth starting all over again,and in the end you'll regret it.We are all here to listen.Some of us may be thousands of miles away but we hear and feel your pain.If I could I would send all my strength to you at this time.Just stop and remember what it was like before you became clean you don't want to go back there. Love and Great Big Hugs Denise
Using will not make you feel better girl. The mental part will be worse than it is now. Please please dont do this. I know it is very painful for you right now. I know how overwhelming it is but it will subside. Is there anyone you can talk to such as a counselor, minister somebody?? We are always here for you too. Let your feelings out. Its okay to let yourself feel.........hugs to you sara
I am so low I don't know how I am going to make it through the day. I want to use I just don't want to feel so bad anymore. Everything is different and overwhelming. It is so childish but I just want to feel better.
COngrats on 90 days!!!! ZJ you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You have been dealt some real painful blows but have continued to stay clean. I was talking with a lady the other day who has been clean for some time and she told me to sit and write a letter to my mom as i have some real issues with her. Maybe it would help for you to write a letter to your DOC to start with. Take it one day at a time. I know after a death it is very overwhelming with all the legalities. Keep talking with us. I am always here if you need to vent.........sara
You have been through so much, it's such an inspiration to see you fight through all of this and get your 90 days, that is a big milestone in recovery. Your so strong and I am very proud of you.
Losing ur mon qand ur dad, plus ur husband having a stroke..is almost just frickin unfair to happen in 90 days! Sometimes I do think bad luck can rain and rain before the sun comes out..but it will!
I went thru hydro wd almost 2 years ago...I had no major losses during my 90 day "get half way to normal" period...I was scared to death of losing my job cos i was so so sooooooo tired...but i made it
My stressors startied hitting much longer from my quit day...over a year..and it was one after another since July of this year...calm period would come then sumpin else would happen to a friend, a family member etc.....it is always hard when stress hits to stay clean..even years from now...cos we do not wanna grieve and feel pain...making it so important to learn new ways to cope///wiithout trying to escape
My main problem post wd was fatigue//i had a stressful job...i kept getting sick..caught everything that was in the air..which made the fatigue worse and prompts me to remind those is detox to remeber to take vitamins cos detox takes alot out of us..EmergenC is a good one from walmart
I was very scared yesterday that i was gonna lose my dad///we will all lose our parents first unless we die first///it is part of life but when it is ur parent it is different..but fact is they will pass...and we will too onedy...no one is eternal
My dad snapped out of it today..and i am happy...but i do know one day he will not..i almost lost him 10 yrs ago and slept with my bible every night after he coded/resusitated/ and lay in a coma for a month...it was not his time to go..flashbacks came back this weekend and i felt afraid..fact is i will have to deal with the loss of both of my parents one day..unless i go first...and i can not escape this..many of my friends do not have parents anymore..they have both died..and they cope without using...and i hope i can do the same
I feel ur pain..stress and grief aggravates our condition so badly,,and i do know no one can feel ur pain as intensely as u feel it...we just gotta remember that taking pills does not make it go away...and by not taking pills//it makes us stronger..we realize we r in control of our disease..even tho we may have to work on it for the rest of our lives/like a diabetic must work on their diet and be compliant with their insulin in a way
I guess we have to reach out for support..realize when we r weak...and keep moving forward
please hang tight...lots of support here
I went thru hydro wd almost 2 years ago...I had no major losses during my 90 day "get half way to normal" period...I was scared to death of losing my job cos i was so so sooooooo tired...but i made it
My stressors startied hitting much longer from my quit day...over a year..and it was one after another since July of this year...calm period would come then sumpin else would happen to a friend, a family member etc.....it is always hard when stress hits to stay clean..even years from now...cos we do not wanna grieve and feel pain...making it so important to learn new ways to cope///wiithout trying to escape
My main problem post wd was fatigue//i had a stressful job...i kept getting sick..caught everything that was in the air..which made the fatigue worse and prompts me to remind those is detox to remeber to take vitamins cos detox takes alot out of us..EmergenC is a good one from walmart
I was very scared yesterday that i was gonna lose my dad///we will all lose our parents first unless we die first///it is part of life but when it is ur parent it is different..but fact is they will pass...and we will too onedy...no one is eternal
My dad snapped out of it today..and i am happy...but i do know one day he will not..i almost lost him 10 yrs ago and slept with my bible every night after he coded/resusitated/ and lay in a coma for a month...it was not his time to go..flashbacks came back this weekend and i felt afraid..fact is i will have to deal with the loss of both of my parents one day..unless i go first...and i can not escape this..many of my friends do not have parents anymore..they have both died..and they cope without using...and i hope i can do the same
I feel ur pain..stress and grief aggravates our condition so badly,,and i do know no one can feel ur pain as intensely as u feel it...we just gotta remember that taking pills does not make it go away...and by not taking pills//it makes us stronger..we realize we r in control of our disease..even tho we may have to work on it for the rest of our lives/like a diabetic must work on their diet and be compliant with their insulin in a way
I guess we have to reach out for support..realize when we r weak...and keep moving forward
please hang tight...lots of support here
Congratulations!!!!! It's great to hear your still clean after what you've been through-You Go Girl. Hugs Denise
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