Need advice on talking to my psychiatrist about panic medications

Question

This turned out longer than I thought it would. Sorry!
I welcome advice from anyone.

So, a couple weeks ago, I took my "last" vicodin. I had been on and off of them for a little over a year (10mg Norco), taking 4 pills a day most of the time. I was taking them for migraines, and I admit that I lost the temptation battle and did take more than I was supposed to if I could get my hands on them (my parents held on to them). I've had social anxiety / panic disorder for about 6 years, and haven't had any successful treatment. I'd seen my share of bad psychologists, and a few bad psychiatrists. So, yes, I did take more to feel better in those areas.

Anyway, after seeing a Neurologist for my migraines, he told me that I was having rebound headaches. That was in January. So my Neurologist, my dad and I made up a taper plan to have me off by the first of this month, lowering the dose from 40mg a day. Well I didn't tell him I was taking 80mg-100mg if I was able to, so I completely screwed up the taper. I basically went from sneaking some to get 80mg a day to dropping down to 20mg a day for about a week, then I only had enough to do 10mg a day for 3 or 4 days.

During this time, my psychiatrist was giving me klonopin for the withdrawal, prescribed .5mg twice a day. The first run on that script wasn't really helping, so I asked him to up the dose to 1mg twice a day, knowing it was going to get a lot worse when I had to drop my dose more than I should have needed to. Well, he didn't do it, so I waited to see how it would go, and I really needed to take 1mg at a time to even feel mildly better, so I did. When I saw him last, I was 2 days clean from vicodin, and about 2 weeks off of klonopin. I felt kinda bleh, but I told him I didn't want to do any med stuff until I was clean for a couple more weeks.

Fastforward a week, my panic disorder has come back, stronger than it's ever been. I went and saw him early again (now about a week clean), and asked him for a 10 day script for klonopin, thinking it would be better by then. Well, he wouldn't give me any more because they're addictive. He gave me some prescription grade antihistimine(spelling!) which has done absolutely nothing. It's been almost 2 weeks, and I see him again this coming Tuesday (March 30th).

Now onto the subject of benzo's. I've taken them before, and had absolutely no problems with taking more than I should or needing refills too early. In fact, the script I had was for 30 .5mg Xanax, and I only refilled it twice over the course of 2 years, but that was with a different doctor. I've been seeing the guy I go to now for about 5-6 months, and I have a lot of respect for him and think he has been extremely helpful with my detox. I'm at a difficult spot now with my anxiety constantly just below full blown panic. I've told him that I've taken these medications before with no problems and he even said he believes me, but he won't give me any.

The panic problem was around years before the vicodin came along, so I know that the detox is making it worse. I want him to realize that this is a debilitating problem and I need something to ease it until my body "recalibrates" from the detox.

Sorry for the book! And yes, I do understand how complicated this situation can be for a doctor. =P
Thanks for any input!

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broknbck · Answer

drugs, drugs, and more drugs.
i don't think more drugs are the answer. they are like poisons, not healers.

you need to get healed. try the homeapethic approach. there are a lot of different herbs that can help with panic and calming down. and they are powerful. do not underestimate them. this is still just treating the symptoms. these natural doctors may be able to help you find out what is causing the panic or what is not working right to prevent the panic. than they tell you what foods, vitamins, herbs - whatever that will help to heal it. sometimes it is getting something bad out of your diet also.

i once had a rash on most of my body that itched so bad, i could barely sleep for a couple hours straight. it turned out to be the water coming out of my faucet. i got a water filter and the rash was gone in a matter of days. the doctors just wanted to keep trying different drugs, creams. and even suggested mental therapy. hah!! and it was simply the water.