How can I survive My Mom's sudden death?

[Lorivee]

My Mom died suddenbly this week. I came home from work to find her on the floor and unresponsive. She was still warm, but not breathing. I performed CPR and the rescue squad worked on her for 25 minutes, but could never get a hearbeat.

My Mom and I have lived together for my entire life. My Dad died when I was in my early 20s and my mom was in her early fifties. First I lived with her, and then I bought a house, and she lived with me. I'm in my fities now and Mom was in her 80s, but had no known major health problems. I loved her with all my heart, and still do. She was my best friend, my buddy, my focus. We did everyhting together, and just seein her things or driving alone in the car without her are stabs in the heart. How can I do this, I feel my purpose for living is gone, I can't imagine ever feeiling joy again. I can't sleep. I can barely eat. And nothing seems to matter. What can I do?

[tmb13]

I lost my mom ten days ago unexpectedly to sudden cardiac arrest.  She was a vibrant devout Catholic at 92 still drove to church and to the mall and to the diner to meet her friends everyday.  Went to the dr with complaint of stomach constipation and the next day decided it was too much to take went to the hospital and shortly after, of course when I was just entering the hospital she went in full cardiac arrest, they tried to revive her with no luck.  I watched.....Then I told them to stop.  When I walked over to her she looked so peaceful and glowing.  I miss her she was my strength, each day is different, I have crying moments and then moments of words my mom used to say to me about dying.  She always said "I've lived my life" you have to live yours.  We talked about death when we would go to the cemetery to see her mom and dad, and she would cry like it was yesterday even though it was 45 years ago.  I know that I will see her again and she wouldn't want me to be sad, but I can't help it.  I didn't get to tell her I love her before she went home.

[Stacey_80]

I am so sorry for your loss. I know how painful it is to lose a love one. But you must not let it affect your health and your well being as your mother will not be happy with that.
Try and keep your mind and yourself busy. It is is one way that would keep your mind from thinking about your mom.
Cry if you have to, to release the pain but keep on going with your life.
Hugs.

[Bouzari]

There is a book that I ordered quite by chance (there are so many) from Amazon.  It is called 'I was Ready to say Goodbye'.  It is not a 'self help' book (because let's face it if we could help ourselves we would, but it is like having a friend to turn to. The eating and sleeping side will be disrupted you are grief stricken all the 'normal' rules are not in play now.  This wasn't supposed to happen.  You will eat and you will sleep even though that sounds impossible now. You will, in time, dream of her.  You will see signs she is with you.  A mother's love never dies. Speak to her as you always did.  Ask her for help.  You will feel her (maybe not immediately as we block it through grief) I promise.  Like you I am in my fifties my beloved angel on earth was 82 with no health problems. She died alone in her bedroom on May 17th, I couldn't eat for 2 weeks.  Sleeping is still a problem. This is a life changing event, please relax and know that the sharp pain will lessen, have faith. You must allow yourself to feel like this, don't block it.  I send my love to you.

[Bouzari]

I understand, I really do.  I lost my mum suddenly less than 1 month ago.  I am an only 'child' and I lost my dad 14 years ago. It is utterly devastating.  Mum was a wonderful grandmother to her only grandchild and I mourn his loss as well as my own. The emotions are a roller coaster just as you describe and I am afraid it is a ride we cannot get off.  We have to see it through to the end, although I fear in this case there is no actual end but just degrees of coping. I am trying to take each day, moment by moment. Her physical absence and not hearing her voice is traumatising but I also know that she would also be devastated if I fell completely apart. It is not wanting to let her down and all the love she has shown me all my life that keeps me putting one foot in front of the other.  Have courage.  Grief is the price we pay for love

[Vurt]

I too understand exactly how you feel after losing my Mother this year.  I find great solace in fellowship with my church members and prayer.  I also have continued to enjoy my work and marriage.  I do feel however, that I am in some sort of fog and not as responsible as I use to be in all aspects of my life.  I have not "broken down" yet to cry my heart out...I feel like something is wrong with me for not having done that.  I do have small episodes whereby I tear up.  There are a few regrets too.  You should have none since you were so loving to your Mother.  We are supposed to honor our parents.  I will say a prayer for you that you may heal quickly and smile upon your wonderful memories from now on until you see your Mother again in Heaven.  

KG

[Lorivee]

Thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement. I pray to God every day to help me through this. I find joy in nothing, I'm anxious and heartsick and all kinds of negative emotions rolled into one. I can't sleep and I have to force myself to eat. I know my Mother would not want me to live like this. As a tribute to her, I need to find my way back to life--but I still don't know how.

[Lisi251]

I think the counseling is a great ideal. I lost my mother 4 years ago, we also were so very close so I understand what you are going through.Its very difficult..... I know I wouldnt be here without my faith in God I just couldnt of endured.Life is forever changed.Just take it one day at a time.In time you will learn how to accept it better although the hurt never ends.I will be praying for you.

God Bless You,
Lisa

[Lorivee]

Thank you both for your kind words. My company has an employee assistance program that includes a provision for counseling. I will call today to arrange an appointment, I can't do this alone. Each morning, I despise waking up. Every day is a roller coaster of pain.

Again, thank you both so much for your encouragement.

[mammo]

I am so sorry for your loss, I know how much it hurts.  Try to concentrate on the good life the two of you shared, the fun times, the times you made each other smile.  Your mother had a long life, and you made sure it was a good one. She would want you to keep going and be happy.  Take the time needed to mourn her loss, cry, laugh, smile, get angry, whatever it takes.  This is a big loss, I lost my mom when I was 25.  I think you need to see a specialist to help you thru this period, it is a life changing event and sometimes things can be too much for us to handle on our own.  When able, do things you are passionate about, get out and enjoy your life, so that your mother can rest in peace in knowing you are again, happy.  Treasure the time you had, it was special and long.  Journal your thoughts, the times you shared, your feelings, putting this in writing is very therapeutic.  I know right now you can't imagine life without her, and that's okay.  The day will come when it will hurt less, I don't know how or why, it just does.  I'm always here if you just want to vent.  My heart goes out to you, and I wish you all the best.  Take care.

[madisonnotApeace]

I feel a part of your pain i lost my dad when i was 7 an im just staring to realise that i need to have feeling in my heart ive done grife counseling an i can tell the ruslut is ASMAZING!!! to be with peapol that know your pain helps in the all parts of your life!!! good luck! :-)