NONE of us is wrong here - we are ALL right

[TTinKKerBBell]

I did not mean that We should not be mad at the other woman. I meant that HE is the one who had THE COMMITMENT TO US!! HE betrayed that!! The Trust Faith Belief We had in HIM!! HE broke the Bond We had with HIM!!  Yes,Yes,Yes!! she's bad - but HE's badder!!  She never made Us any promises.  HE'S THE ONE WHO BROKE THE BOND HE MADE WITH US!! That being said SHE'S A DOG TOO!! I respect anyone's choice to "forgive and forget" and I'm glad for those of You who choose to go there. But - some of Us choose not to and Those of Us who don't should support One Another also. As I said - NONE of us is wrong here - we are ALL right.  We each and every one of Us are entitled to feel exactly as We do about having our Hearts Broken - Our Reality about who We thought He was & who We were Together has been Shattered.  Speaking for myself - it's not my job to "forgive" (God forgives - people don't have to) AND it's impossible to "forget".

[lor662]

Yes i agree mami ,,they deserve what they get but it should not be from us cause its are spouces fault,,we are not there concern and they should not be ours,,married men rarley leave there wives for them its usualy the husband or wife who choose to leave,,its wasted emotions to blame them because its the CHOICE of are spouces,,its lowering yourself to there level of desparation to be exactly who they are,,so you want to let them get the best of you,, seriously do these homewreckers really deserve that attention from us,,i think not,,just the fact that the ball is in are court is pain enough i would gather,,they are not worth a minute of are time trust me,,i never gave it to my husbands misstress and she harrased me so bad so so bad,,cause i never gave her the time of day,,imagine when the courts told her and her ex to stay away from me my kids and my husband,,cause all the proof was there to charge them both,,how did she feel,,especialy since i never ever gave her the time of day,,,

[mami1323]

I feel like if the other person is not aware that the person they are involved with is married or taken, then they are just a victim themselves.  I'm talking about the ones who well aware of the situation and don't care.  They deserve everything they get as well.

[lor662]

Also wanted to add other than the fact that in my opinion under any circumstance is the other person to blame,,like i said they did NOT hostage are spouces to have an affair,,they were more than willing so BLAME ARE SPOUCES,,THEY OWE US NOTHING,,,but what about the men and woman who dont no they are married and they have been lied to by our spouces,,i feel they are also inocent victums to this,,as bad as it may sound,,they dont no they are so called home wreckers till they them self find out the same thing we do,,,but i believe in all heart an affair is a choice,,and the one to blame is the one who could not say no to these people who engage in it with them,,are spouces,,maybe some do not whant to hold all the responsibility on the spouce so we focus the wrong anger towards the people who slept with them are spouces,,maybe it makes some kind of relief to easily focus it was there fault,,But its not,,like i said they are spouces are fully to blame,,yes they are said to be homewreckers,,but the real homewreckers are ,,,Are cheating spouces

[brice1967]

Oh, trust me - previous eMails to her were not so kind . . . In fact, I would probably be thrown off this forum if I printed them here!  *LOL*!  

[lovemykids465]

OMG! Props to you. I was not that nice to my husbands other. I still harbor ill thoughts toward her. I know is wrong and I need to let it go but I think she really owes me an apology and I have not received one yet. I Know I have to forgive her and I try to but I smile when I hear of her getting in to trouble or having a bad day or whatever. I guess I still have work to do.

[mami1323]

Wow Dee Dee, I give you so much props for that email.  I have no idea how you did that.  My email to my fiance's w hore would've sounded a lot different...lol.  I am not ready to forgive her for what she did to me.  Did it bother you that she responded so negatively?  That must have enraged you when she told you that you stole her future....ugh!  I think I would've sent a reply saying that I negate the first email and write a whole new one ripping her a new a-hole.  You are a big person.  

[GroovyDeeDee]

The bottom line is, anger only hurts the person who feels it.  It eats away at you and erodes your self-esteem and self-love.  It keeps the affair alive in your mind and in your heart.  The other woman and the cheater move on, find happiness in their future, but the bitter victim can't feel happiness as long as they keep the anger alive.  Forgiveness is the ONLY path to freedom.   I have released the anger, and will continue to fight the negative feelings.  I have chosen to stay with my husband, because I love him, and he loves me too much to let this tear us apart.  Yeah - negative feelings toward both of them, but I take a deep breath and think of my future with Brice and let it go.  Sometimes I still ask him a question or make a comment, but it's getting easier to forget the past each day since I let go of the anger and embraced the future.  Here is the e-mail I wrote to the other woman.  I felt an immediate sense of relief.  


Dear Valerie,

I do not consider myself a religious woman, but I do hold myself to a certain moral code that requires me to be kind, above all.

I have NOT been kind to you. I have said many mean things to you, and about you. I have harbored mean thoughts toward you. For this, I am truly sorry.

I behaved badly in the wake of my broken heart, and I sincerely apologize for any distress or sadness I may have caused you as a result.

I am sorry I threatened to tell your secrets to your husband.  That was very unkind, and I will not attempt to let him know what I know.

I no longer harbor any anger or ill-feelings toward you, as I have during much of our brief acquaintance. I believe that we are all doing the best we can on this earth, and that everything happens for a reason.

If I think of you in the future, it will be to wish you a life of peace, joy and happiness.

I will not contact you again.

Namaste, Valerie, and goodbye.

DeeDee

She did not receive it well, but maybe she's not ready to let go.  After all, she told me that she feels that I "stole her future,: by taking my husband back.  

[specialmom]

Well, it is impossible to forget but with time the memories can fade.  If you have chosen to forgive your mate, know that this is true.  
Everyone is entitled to feel as they do.  Infidelity hurts------- no doubt about it.  But I would only make the comment that being consumed with anger allows the other person to win.  Such anger can do grave damage to our psyche and health.  Rage is not healthy for us.  
I think that finding healthy ways to deal with the intense anger we feel is mandatory.  Otherwise, it will seep into every aspect of our life.  It will ruin us.  
And I wouldn't let either my cheating spouse or the other woman to do that to me.  

And for those trying to work through things with a mate that has cheated, many couples overcome it.  For those who have left their cheating partner, I'm sorry you are in pain.  I wish all here peace in their hearts and luck at rebuilding their lives.

[lor662]

I tottaly agree it is imposible to forget,even if we would move on i believe it is impossible to forget,when trust is gone some say they trust but in the back of are head the trust is not there because reality is,, its never forgotton,thanks

[brice1967]

I am not trying to pick a fight, because I agree with almost all of your points.  When it comes to forgiveness, you can choose to forgive or not, but you do have to find a way to move on.  Holding on to all of the pain and hurt is not going to allow you to live a life with any happiness, furthermore it will probably prevent you from finding any other happiness.  Negativity breeds negativity, and regardless of anyones situation, you can move forward.  Seek help and learn to move forward.  You deserve to find some happiness anywhere you can find it, but holding on to this and being angry surely cannot produce a seconds worth of happiness.

[mami1323]

I'm glad you decided to come back Tinkerbell.  You are right, you are totally entitled to feel the way you do.  You chose the other route, to leave and you still have to heal from that as well.  Betrayal is the same no matter what.  I hope at some point you can move on from what your husband did.  Good luck.