Aa
Conforontation
What do you think about contacting the person your significant other cheated on you with. I did contact her when I first found out, It was not a very nice message and then as stated before I did give her number out to a guy I knew who was looking for a hook up ( I know it is mean and it pi$$ed her off. Just what I wanted) and I have pretty much bad mouthed her to every mutual acquaintance we have. But I realize in order for me to truly move on as she has I need to not let her have power over me. I check up on her on line about once a week just to see what pics she has posted and pages she is on etc, I spoke to my husband about me contacting her and he said that it probably would not accomplish anything but let her know that she has pretty much had the upper hand for the past year when it comes to me. So today I went on and checked her page again and she had a new post. It was a page that said I am into a serious relationship I want a person who does not lie, cheat and etc. OMG! made me so mad, /She is always the one that is the other woman. In many relationships. So do I contact or not.
Sammy, I am so sorry. I can't imagine facing those choices. If, Brice's OW had gotten her way, she would have been moving here, to our town. I would have had to leave. I just wouldn't be able to face her.
Sammy, just take it one day at a time. Your kids would appreciate civility so if you can try and get along nicely with him, it would probably make the transition easier for them. Bites either way, I think I would want to choke the w hore if she wound up with my fiance. I guess I would avoid her until I couldn't any longer and then just be descent, doesn't mean I have to be her best friend. In time when you've moved on perhaps it will get easier.
This is something I've still got to face. Now my wife (well, ex-wife, I need to get used to referring to her as that) and I are separating, and he's moved to live near us, he's going to be a much more constant feature of her life. Chances are high that he'll end up moving in with her. Sooner or later I'm inevitably going to have to meet him and deal with him, and cope with the visual proof of him and her being together. There are times he's going to be there when I pick up or drop off the kids.
I probably can avoid meeting him for a while yet (I won't move out for about 2 months, and I can't see any need to meet him while I'm still at my old home), but it'll happen eventually. I have no idea how I'll handle it. I need to cope with it and be cool about it, because I need to remain on good friendly terms with my ex-wife, and I need to cope with the fact that they are together and accept it. Won't be easy. At the moment he's really just a concept to me, he doesn't feel like a "real person", if that makes sense. As such, it is easy (and feels kinda safe) to hate every fibre of his being. I want to slash his car tyres (and maybe his face), for all the reasons already discussed about transferring all the blame to someone I don't have to deal with so I can try to fix relationships with my wife. And I'm really not a violent sort of person, at all.
I'm not sure I even know what I want him to turn out to be - the hateful monster I've created in my head, or maybe he'll actually turn out to be a nice bloke it's easy to get on with. How do I cope with that? Guess I won't know until the time comes...
I probably can avoid meeting him for a while yet (I won't move out for about 2 months, and I can't see any need to meet him while I'm still at my old home), but it'll happen eventually. I have no idea how I'll handle it. I need to cope with it and be cool about it, because I need to remain on good friendly terms with my ex-wife, and I need to cope with the fact that they are together and accept it. Won't be easy. At the moment he's really just a concept to me, he doesn't feel like a "real person", if that makes sense. As such, it is easy (and feels kinda safe) to hate every fibre of his being. I want to slash his car tyres (and maybe his face), for all the reasons already discussed about transferring all the blame to someone I don't have to deal with so I can try to fix relationships with my wife. And I'm really not a violent sort of person, at all.
I'm not sure I even know what I want him to turn out to be - the hateful monster I've created in my head, or maybe he'll actually turn out to be a nice bloke it's easy to get on with. How do I cope with that? Guess I won't know until the time comes...
That's the best thing you could've done.
Okay, I blocked her from my facebook, my job site and all my kids sites.So, now I can not check up on her at all. I do feel much better. It is like being haunted by a ghost who needs it?
It does help thank you. Joe and I talked about it last night. He said that they do not even acknowledge one another at work unless they really have to.Once in a while she will have to go to his department with Priority mail and such but he just gets it from her and that is it. When I told him what her face book said he got just as angry as I did. He said she is nothing but a cheater and could not even imagine why she would post that but I guess she found out her current boyfriend ( whom left his girl friend of 3 years with whom he was living with and moved in with her after 3 days) was seeing his ex on the side. He is currently in jail so Joe said she is now hitting on some guy in the office who is also married. This is all work place rumor though. He said I just need to not check on her anymore. My only thing is we live in such a small community and even though she lives 1/2 hour away we run in the same circles and have run into one another a number of times. Joe said we just need to let her see how happy we are together and not let her get to me! I guess that is true but when ever I see her I just want to slap her. I mean I did him more then once.So.......
I think what I meant by power is to let the other women know that they have affected us so much. Some women thrive on that. Some women like to know that they have made such an impression. Obviously they have a lack of moral values as well or they wouldn't have gotten involved with a man who wasn't available. So that's what I mean.
It's okay to feel Hate and Fury toward her. You won't direct it at him because You've decided to stay but You still want to vent so you look in Her direction - After all - she is at fault too - many times "she" knew he was a married man with Children. This is all Normal. Anger, Hate, Fury are Normal Human Emotions - Healthy Emotions. You are stuffing these feelings for HIS sake and You tell Yourselves You shouldn't show Your anger to her because that would give her power. Power?? What do You mean Power?? Power for what?? to do what???
Some of You have told me it's Unhealthy to be Unforgiving. I think a lot of that is counseling and therapy psyco-babble. Personally I think it's Unhealthy to stuff Rage and Anger. You are Supposed to be mad when SomeOne does bad things to You.
That being said. I still feel the Anger here is misplaced. It really is more what HE did to you than what SHE did. And if You're going to "forgive" him - she's the least of it. The hard work here is in trying to justify what HE did without trying to place the blame on her - She didn't hold a gun to his head.
Some of You have told me it's Unhealthy to be Unforgiving. I think a lot of that is counseling and therapy psyco-babble. Personally I think it's Unhealthy to stuff Rage and Anger. You are Supposed to be mad when SomeOne does bad things to You.
That being said. I still feel the Anger here is misplaced. It really is more what HE did to you than what SHE did. And if You're going to "forgive" him - she's the least of it. The hard work here is in trying to justify what HE did without trying to place the blame on her - She didn't hold a gun to his head.
Oh man, don't I ever wish I would've been able to gain more closure. The only contact I had with her was the initial phone call and a couple subsequent messages afterward where I told her to leave my family alone, that my son deserves his father and to not have her chasing after him trying to destroy whatever we are trying to fix. I also told her that she got her answer about their relationship the night he told her it was over and that if she ever comes between me and my family again, she will find a fist in her face. I also left a few quick messages calling her a w hore....LOL. Anyway, I used to check her facebook page all the time, even befriended her as someone else just to make sure nothing was going on behind my back. I couldn't really trust him telling me the truth since to me he was a liar and so I took it upon myself to get answers. Her pictures were hideous and the bad part about seeing her all the time was that it held me back from really moving on. I would see her vacationing and partying and even though it might have all been an act and she was truly heartbroken and sad, she didn't look it and it made me angry. It made me feel victimized all over again. Like here he is, living with me and his son still, he got to keep his family and there she is, moving on with her life and enjoying herself. I was the one suffering, I was the one who was still hurt and left damaged while these two were fine. So I had to stop and just let her go. He had let her go and so I needed to as well. You know how many emails and letters I typed up to her, even recently, where I wanted to send it and just bash her. But then I realized what would be the point. She's probably so over this whole thing, she probably is over him and living her life. It wouldn't even bother her if I sent her a letter. To her it would give her power. She would know that she still matters and that's the last thing I want her to know. I would rather her think that me and him are together and happy and better than ever. If I spewed forth anger towards her she would know she got the best of me and still held some kind of importance in our lives. I don't want her thinking about him at all. I want her moved on so that she wouldn't even think of trying to contact him. My suggestion, even though it's hard because to this day I still check her profile pics to see what she looks like now. But I just make sure I don't let it consume me. Maybe I check it once a month or so. I have to move on. If you want to write her a letter than do it, then burn it, don't send it. It's very therapeutic to write but not worth your time to send it. She will get hers one day love. She goes after unavailable men because she doesn't think much of herself. She probably has such low self worth because she feels deep down that she isn't worthy of a man who is just hers. It's competition to her, she feels better about herself if she can "steal" someone away. Then she's "special", but in reality, she's a loser. Hope this helped.
Ok. In spite of my kind letter of forgiveness, I continued to check her page. She started posting things to make me think Brice was trying to contact her . . . I know he's not. She also started posting stuff about their affair - like "I'll always have the memories, . . . " and then describing some detail.
So I did something unkind last night. I do not feel good about this. She was having yet another cryptic conversation with one of her friends who is "in the know." Actually, they were slamming me for misspelling "Namaste." Another friend asked, "What's up? What are you guys talking about?"
So I sent an email and told her.
Within 10 minutes the OW's facebook page was completely deleted. I'm sorry, but she has been having a good time at my expense for too long.
It's probably for the best that I can't check on her for a while. Brice and I are actually doing great. He knew about the email before I sent it. He said to prepare for a barrage of revenge texts, or something else, but he's letting me deal with it in my own way.
But I do feel bad that I lost control and contacted her again, when I had said I wouldn't.
Ugh! It is getting easier, but I'm ready for it to just be over!
So I did something unkind last night. I do not feel good about this. She was having yet another cryptic conversation with one of her friends who is "in the know." Actually, they were slamming me for misspelling "Namaste." Another friend asked, "What's up? What are you guys talking about?"
So I sent an email and told her.
Within 10 minutes the OW's facebook page was completely deleted. I'm sorry, but she has been having a good time at my expense for too long.
It's probably for the best that I can't check on her for a while. Brice and I are actually doing great. He knew about the email before I sent it. He said to prepare for a barrage of revenge texts, or something else, but he's letting me deal with it in my own way.
But I do feel bad that I lost control and contacted her again, when I had said I wouldn't.
Ugh! It is getting easier, but I'm ready for it to just be over!
I hope You don't misunderstand - I TRULY understand Your Anger at her & it's TOTALLY well deserved - it's just that this is only one more thing about this whole thing that You have to stuff down Your throat and live with no matter how unhappy You are about it!! It's so UNFAIR but it's just another one of Your emotions that get to take a "back seat" in all of this. I hope Your husband is sincerely repentent and willing to deal with Your Hurt, Anger, Insecurity. If all this is uncomfortable for him - oh well - he earned it!!
You are both right and believe me I was so pi$$ed at him for a long time but we have worked on it, I am still hurt and angry but when you love someone and decided to work it out you have to let it go, We went through hell and I guess it bothers me that she gets off scott free but oh well you are right who cares she is out of our life as far as he is concerned but really not mine,as of yet, I guess i will just have to block it
I so understand Your Anger at her but You're letting him off the hook - why not her? If You want to save Your Marriage You HAVE to "forgive" him & IF You can do that You should be able to let her go too. She did You wrong, yes but He did You wrong-er!! HE'S the one out of the two of them that had the Commitment to You. You're willing to accept whatever his reasons or excuses are to do what he did - well, I would imagine she had her reasons too & if his reasons are "good enough" or acceptable to You then so are hers AND she didn't force him. Don't get me wrong here - I definitely feel she's a BAD PERSON to be involved with a married man but HE is the one who risked a relationship with you by having this affair. She probably doesn't give a rat's a$$ about You but HE was supposed to!!!
I called her a year ago and have not contacted her since but yes I do check up on her, I did blame my husband for his actions and you are right I should not care about her it just ticks me off that she constantly goes after married or committed men,
You already gave her power over you,,, by you calling and confronting her,,and you should not care about her pics and keep her alive in your mind also,,i still dont get why you continue these thoughts of its her,,its him your husband,,you just gave her more attention then she deserves and also you need to stop blamming her for his choices,,you need to stop concerning yourself about whats she doing and who she is dateing,,,who cares,,you think she does,,you have just displayed to her your obsessing over her,,including her looks and buissness,,your letting her get the best of you,,you realy are,,you need to stop all this and focus what the real truth is,,and it was your husbands choice to emotionaly conect with her,,you are trying to repair your marriage but you are not by continueing to hold and obsess about her doing
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