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My 8 year old will not wipe properly after using the toilet
is it normal for 8 year old girls not to clean after going to the toilet?
My 8 year old will not wipe properly and her pants smell every day, I have tried to explain that if the children in school notice the smell she will be called names.
I have tried everything I can think of, chastising, smacking, putting sanitary towels in her pants, punishing her even telling her that if she is dirty she does not go to her friends party. Hoping this would work, nothing works.
If I stand in the bathroom with her, she will clean so much, why won't she do this if I am not standing there?
I am so frustrated and at the end of my teether as she was such a clean little toddler.
What can I do?
Is it normal?
My 6 year old daughter is very clean but does have the odd day where she has dirty pants, I worry that she might go down the same route.
My 8 year old will not wipe properly and her pants smell every day, I have tried to explain that if the children in school notice the smell she will be called names.
I have tried everything I can think of, chastising, smacking, putting sanitary towels in her pants, punishing her even telling her that if she is dirty she does not go to her friends party. Hoping this would work, nothing works.
If I stand in the bathroom with her, she will clean so much, why won't she do this if I am not standing there?
I am so frustrated and at the end of my teether as she was such a clean little toddler.
What can I do?
Is it normal?
My 6 year old daughter is very clean but does have the odd day where she has dirty pants, I worry that she might go down the same route.
I am not sure why at this age (8-12) this becomes a problem.?!!. I was astonished on how many parents have this issue esp. around this age range. I tried everything, ie taking away iPad, TV, yelling, letting him clean his own mess in his underwear. I thought he had issues about going in the school bathroom. But one day he was just sitting at home sucked into his iPad and he pooped full on in his pants!!! I was sooo pist!! That’s when I realized that he was being LAZY and was too absorbed with what he was doing to stop and go to the bathroom. He ignored his need to go, in favor for his want to stay at his iPad, or save his spot in the kickball line, or go to the BR quick, skip wiping so he could go back doing a really fun thing at school. So, one day after a sleepless night of thinking I wanted to replace his underwear with disposable underwear. But the only type of disposable was the night time diapers for boys. In the morning, I told him if my plan, and explained (calmly) that I was going to replace his underwear temporarily with “disposable underwear”. He responded “you mean like diapers?!! Nooooo (whining). I said “Yes, because I don’t know what to do anymore, you are not listening and tried everything, you are acting like baby pooping in your pants, so you have go back into diapers.” I explained everyone goes poop, there is know shame in going and told him health issues if he keeps tries to hold it or not wipe properly. I also explained and acknowledged that he is ignoring his signs to go in favor for fun things he is doing at the moment. I told him “ It’s really up to you Geoffrey, it is your responsibility.” He really did not want to wear diapers so we agreed I give him a week to improve. If I see poop I put him boys diapers. There was no problem after that, not even a streak!!! Amen!!! Hope this helps any distressed parent. Goodluck!
1 Comments
Omg. I thought I was the only one going through this. My daughter 11, same thing. She sometimes forget to flush and I see the urine or poop in the toilet but no toilet paper. Her panties will have brown stains too. I’m concerned she’s not cleaning her privates in the shower as well. I’m going to try your suggestion and see if this helps.
Physical punishment is not a parenting factor that will solve the situation. People quickly learn that children's behavior only worsens and intensifies. When my little sister was six and eight years old, she did not want to take a bath, she did not want to clean herself properly while she was on the toilet. It wasn't a psychological or mental issue. It wasn't a medical issue. She just had a lazy stage where she rebelled against doing anything. My mother tried a little smack on the arm, but it never worked effectively. That's where I stepped in.
I got frustrated too, but I never, ever put my hands on my sister. I had to constantly wipe her off. I had to tell her something to make sure she wasn't going to leave the bathroom ever again without making sure she is clean. To get her to clean herself using the bathroom and clean herself daily, I told her "There is a person that comes to make children who do not take good care of themselves and clean up. They kidnap them, make them brush their teeth, and they make them eat spinach." It never prevented her from sleeping or scared her.
She just didn't want to brush her teeth or eat. She was very gullible and naive, and she hated eating spinach. With me saying this, I never had to worry about her not cleaning herself ever again. It is very normal for kids to not wipe themselves properly during eight years old. She is currently the age range to go through a phase where she doesn't want to bathe, clean herself properly, etc. Not only that-- your child may be stressed or depressed about something.
Ask her, have a mother-daughter discussion. If she tells you something is wrong, don't make her feel like she has absolutely NO reason to have anything to be upset about. Children end up with issues later on in adulthood and have destroyed views of the world. And from what it sounds like, she probably she cleans herself like there is no tomorrow when you are in the bathroom with her because she is intimidated by you.
She may feel that she will get hit with you in there with her. She may feel that when you are not there with her, it is not necessary since she won't get hit. It is not always a medical problem. Children just get to stages where they DO NOT want to do anything. My sister had it so bad, that she would literally begin to cry and threaten to kill herself just to avoid having to do anything. After a little while, she didn't want to do anything again even after what I had told her about the monster that comes to make kids brush their teeth and eat spinach.
I talked to her. I told her that I love her and she has my support. I told her that whatever it is I'll be there every step of the way. I told her I will let her decide what is important. She then grew a sense of self-importance. She felt loved and respected. A few days after our discussion, she decided what she was going to do, how she needs to do it, when she needs to do it, and why it is important to do it.
And THEN I never had a problem ever again getting her to bathe or clean up. A lot of times we think children don't understand their surroundings and that they may have some "psychological" or "medical" problem. They do not. I am telling you from experience, they do not have any problems. Sometimes children have more sense than anyone. They see things quicker than we do. They have just as many feelings as us. Maybe you do not realize you are so busy trying to stop the issue that you have not thought about why she is doing it. Just ask her why. If she doesn't tell you why, have someone talk to her and then have them tell you. I hope you can find out why. Good luck. :)
I got frustrated too, but I never, ever put my hands on my sister. I had to constantly wipe her off. I had to tell her something to make sure she wasn't going to leave the bathroom ever again without making sure she is clean. To get her to clean herself using the bathroom and clean herself daily, I told her "There is a person that comes to make children who do not take good care of themselves and clean up. They kidnap them, make them brush their teeth, and they make them eat spinach." It never prevented her from sleeping or scared her.
She just didn't want to brush her teeth or eat. She was very gullible and naive, and she hated eating spinach. With me saying this, I never had to worry about her not cleaning herself ever again. It is very normal for kids to not wipe themselves properly during eight years old. She is currently the age range to go through a phase where she doesn't want to bathe, clean herself properly, etc. Not only that-- your child may be stressed or depressed about something.
Ask her, have a mother-daughter discussion. If she tells you something is wrong, don't make her feel like she has absolutely NO reason to have anything to be upset about. Children end up with issues later on in adulthood and have destroyed views of the world. And from what it sounds like, she probably she cleans herself like there is no tomorrow when you are in the bathroom with her because she is intimidated by you.
She may feel that she will get hit with you in there with her. She may feel that when you are not there with her, it is not necessary since she won't get hit. It is not always a medical problem. Children just get to stages where they DO NOT want to do anything. My sister had it so bad, that she would literally begin to cry and threaten to kill herself just to avoid having to do anything. After a little while, she didn't want to do anything again even after what I had told her about the monster that comes to make kids brush their teeth and eat spinach.
I talked to her. I told her that I love her and she has my support. I told her that whatever it is I'll be there every step of the way. I told her I will let her decide what is important. She then grew a sense of self-importance. She felt loved and respected. A few days after our discussion, she decided what she was going to do, how she needs to do it, when she needs to do it, and why it is important to do it.
And THEN I never had a problem ever again getting her to bathe or clean up. A lot of times we think children don't understand their surroundings and that they may have some "psychological" or "medical" problem. They do not. I am telling you from experience, they do not have any problems. Sometimes children have more sense than anyone. They see things quicker than we do. They have just as many feelings as us. Maybe you do not realize you are so busy trying to stop the issue that you have not thought about why she is doing it. Just ask her why. If she doesn't tell you why, have someone talk to her and then have them tell you. I hope you can find out why. Good luck. :)
I too have this same issue with my now 8 yr old daughter. It has been going on since she was potty training. I thought she would grow out of it but she hasn't. I have tried everything from shaming, punishment to positive reinforcement, you name we've tried it. Sandman2 and specialmom you really don't have any right criticizing parents that have these issues if you your self have not dealt with this issue. I personally have tried everything you both have mentioned. Talking to her pediatrician, we both figure at some point she has to grow out of it. I make her wash her own undies, clean herself properly (shower or wet wipes) and before she gets up from using the restroom she has to let us know and see clean paper. This is the only option at this point as she has had a number of infections. I'm glad to see I'm not the only parent to have this happen. Hang in there other Moms and Dads.
My 9 yr old grand daughter (have custody of since she was 18 months old)out right refuses to clean herself after using the restroom. She KNOWS she's supposed to. When asked why she doesn't she just shrugs and says " I don't know." We won't 'reward' her doing it right on the rare occasion she does. Taking stuff away doesn't faze her. Punishment doesn't faze her. She has ADHD and strong willed. We are At our wits end on how to get through to her. I've explained the importance of female hygiene and she just doesn't care.
My daughter does the same thing. When asked why she isn't wiping, she tells me that she wants to get back to her toys or games. It has gotten so bad that she has had sores on her behind (like a bad diaper rash). I know that she knows how, but she chooses not to out of sheer laziness. For the parents out there who are saying that positive reinforcement is the ONLY way to help, you obviously have not been in this situation. "If you wipe after going to the restroom, you can have a treat"; talk about making the future generations entitled. They should not be rewarded (after they have been potty trained) for doing something they should be doing regardless. In cases like my child's, it comes down to pure laziness. They don't want to take the few seconds it takes to clean themselves properly because they are in a rush to go play. THAT is the main problem. They don't WANT to be dirty, they just don't want to take the time to clean themselves.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Found the post I mentioned. Its http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Child-Behavior/need-help/show/2074350#post_9827614
Look for the one by AnnieBrook Jan 09
Look for the one by AnnieBrook Jan 09
I don't know if you really understand these situations. You are outside looking in... I have the exact same problem with my 7 (soon to be 8) yr daughter. We've encouraged her, explained to her the importance of proper hygiene, provide the wet wipes, repeatedly showed her the correct way to use the paper, rewarded her for doing it right and also forced her to wash out her own panties as a last resort. NOTHING WORKS!
This is more than an embarrassment to her; its not HEALTHY. We are all just trying to figure out WHY our children are doing this (or not) and HOW to help them. Leaving them alone doesn't work. I would love a simple answer - but haven't found one.
So unless you REALLY understand, be careful criticizing parents who are at their wits ends trying to train their children. Holding a child back because they aren't "emotionally" prepared to move up with their piers is not a punishment - its a harsh reality. No child is allowed into kindergarten if they are not potty trained... the similar principle applies to a 7/8 yr desiring to move up to 3rd grade. It intended to be a positive motivator... Do you have any better ideas?
This is more than an embarrassment to her; its not HEALTHY. We are all just trying to figure out WHY our children are doing this (or not) and HOW to help them. Leaving them alone doesn't work. I would love a simple answer - but haven't found one.
So unless you REALLY understand, be careful criticizing parents who are at their wits ends trying to train their children. Holding a child back because they aren't "emotionally" prepared to move up with their piers is not a punishment - its a harsh reality. No child is allowed into kindergarten if they are not potty trained... the similar principle applies to a 7/8 yr desiring to move up to 3rd grade. It intended to be a positive motivator... Do you have any better ideas?
1 Comments
This is an odd comment. But I was chatting with a 29 year old girl. We talked about all kind of things. Well I asked her if she wiped or dripped dry , she dripped dry . She was born in Syria. Moved to the US at age 7. So maybe it is ok in other coulter's .
Just saying.
Just saying.
COMMUNITY LEADER
As far as I can see, our only criticism was of a parent who wanted to hold her child back in school due to these problems. I still stand by that suggestion. I covered multiple possible causes in my posts. Unfortunately, until you can figure out the "why", it's pretty hard to come up with a solution.
What you are doing for your child as long as she does not have ADHD, or some other type of medical condition that she has no control of - is probably about all you can do. It does not seem like you are shaming her or anything like that now. It looks like immediate, consistent, cause and effect - which is how you change behavior. Keep in touch and let us know how it goes. Good luck!
What you are doing for your child as long as she does not have ADHD, or some other type of medical condition that she has no control of - is probably about all you can do. It does not seem like you are shaming her or anything like that now. It looks like immediate, consistent, cause and effect - which is how you change behavior. Keep in touch and let us know how it goes. Good luck!
My guess is that she has a sort of phobia about **(PooP)** and doesn't want to get her hands in it. Even if toilet paper and wipes are between her hand and the Yuck. After all it is smelly and disgusting. She may have gotten her hand all full of it and it grossed her out and now doesn't want to wipe anymore. You could ask her if this is what happened.
1 Comments
I have thought the same. I’ve been going thru this since she was potty trained. Now she’s 11.
My 8 year old is the same she sent to school with clean underwear,toilet wipes and deodorant sometimes she does it no bother sometimes she doesn't I've been too doctor to get refared as she poos as well all you can do is see a doctor and lots of positive comments even go into bathroom with him for a wile make sure he does then try him on his own just have to trying it is awful because sometimes my daughter will come out of school and you can smell it and she does try so I am thinking medical problem as I had one when younger as she would still wet the bed too about 2-3 times a week hope you get sorted xxxx
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I have tried to explain to my eight year old as well. I even showed her what happens because she doesnt wipe...she has dirty underwear. I tried having her use wipes..I remind her each time she goes not to forget to wipe. Its been a struggle. I feel like my grandma, she would smell clothes to determine if they needed to be washed. The other day the oder was so bad, and it was her pjs from not wiping. Its just easier to wash everything. Even if she only wears it for a couple of hours. I worry that she will get teased. So I try to make sure she has body spray on. And, poor thing sweats like her parents. So I try to make sure she has on deorderant too. These conversations are not easy. We have the all about you book. Hoping it will help. I feel bad because I don't want her to think I am picking on her. I tried to explain the oder could be noticed by others. Uggg...any suggestions.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, its possible that having ADHD, she simply is in a rush to get back to what ever it was that she was doing and impulsively forgets or chooses not to clean herself. Do you notice any difference when she is on or off her medication?
It is also possible that she has sensory issues. Here is a good link about that - http://www.additudemag.com/adhdblogs/4/8527.html - if you read the comments below the article, you will find parents with similar problems.
It is also possible that she has sensory issues. Here is a good link about that - http://www.additudemag.com/adhdblogs/4/8527.html - if you read the comments below the article, you will find parents with similar problems.
I agree. Children struggle and that kind of treatment compounds their issues. It's very unfortunate when any parent handles a situation like this in that manner.
Hopefully by now, your child is wiping better... my son has sensory issues and anxiety trouble so wiping for him is hard because he is unsure if he can do it without getting poo on his hands. It is incredibly frustrating for his father and I to still be dealing with wiping him, but we either wipe him, offer him gloves to wipe himself, or stay in the bathroom to coach him (as recommended by his O.T.). I can not imagine the parents on this forum who are saying that they have spanked their children for having an accident in their pants or not wiping. It is mean, disrespectful, and does not accomplish the goal that you are setting out to achieve; on the contrary, negative speech towards toileting (at any age and for any stage of potty training) WILL create anxiety in the child that can lead to LIFELONG toileting stress and/or gastrointestinal disorders. ~ April, M.Ed. School Counselor
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I know this post is old but I completely agree with you. I know parents aren’t supposed to judge other parenting styles and I do my best to live by that but for this… I don’t care… it is appalling to me that a parent would strike their child for this without it understand first why it happens. I think the parents saying they have shamed, spanked, humiliated, ostracized their child for this should be more upset with themselves than their child. That’s a disgrace.
I am having simular issue with my 7 year old daughter not wiping after using the restroom. I would love if someone out there has advise on what I SHOULD do to make some head way with this. I will say my daughter hasn't regressed but has never really wiped. I have spoken to her doctor about this issue several times to have him discuss the health issues with not wiping. I KNOW she does not wipe at home or school and the reason is she doesn't want to miss out on anything. I have tried making her use more time by going back wiping and changing her panties to show there isn't time saving by not wiping. Nothing is working what do I do?
COMMUNITY LEADER
No, you really have not approached this from "every way possible".
Do you know if it is really a wiping problem or a pooping in underwear problem? Do you know when it is happening? At school or at home?
Have you talked to your pediatrician about this? And definitely check out the link I posted in my last sentence in my prior post.
We have had many posts on this forum about pooping problems and the information given by specialmom and myself is the result of dealing with these problems. I do remember there was one in particular that was very helpful. I will go back and try to find it.
Do you know if it is really a wiping problem or a pooping in underwear problem? Do you know when it is happening? At school or at home?
Have you talked to your pediatrician about this? And definitely check out the link I posted in my last sentence in my prior post.
We have had many posts on this forum about pooping problems and the information given by specialmom and myself is the result of dealing with these problems. I do remember there was one in particular that was very helpful. I will go back and try to find it.
2 Comments
Please stop punishing and humiliating your children. I used to be a kid who one day just made a decision to stop wiping. I just stopped seeing the point, adult logic did not register. How many of you have straight out tried to have an open, honest discussion with your kid on why? For me, it was the beginning of a life long struggle with self neglect and depression. Do not assess your own child and think think they have no reason to be depressed, to think you know what's going on inside your kids head just because you're their parent is a huge mistake. Please, please stop punishing and check for depression before it gets worse and manifests in other ways.
@clowncar, how do you suggest we deal with it then, if you have talked to your child? my son is 8 and he doesn’t bother wiping at all, I don’t know what else to do, we have seen paediatricians, mental health, talked about it, watched videos on it. I get him to clean up his own messes, change his clothes, have a shower, talk to him and he still does it. Is there anything we can do about it?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Gotta agree with specialmom here. Threatening to hold a child back at this age (or for that matter any age) is not going to work. You use rewards or immediate, consistent behavioral reinforcement. The problem with pooping problems is that it is very hard to have immediate reinforcement because the problem is not noticed till later.
What can possibly work is a fairly strictly held schedule of toilet sitting accompanied with rewards.
However, if this is happening at school. Then the teacher has to be involved. And I have seen many situations where the child had problems because they were afraid to use the restrooms at recess times.
And in this case, as the parent has hopefully learned the punishments have not worked - what now?
In the first place it may not be due to poor wiping, but rather to actually having an accident in his underwear. Which I think is much more likely.
Also there are several good medical reasons - besides being scared to use the bathroom or being too lazy or having ADHD - for the child having this problem. And what a shame if it is a medical problem and the child is being punished for it.
This is a link to an article on functional fecal retention that might prove helpful. http://www.practicalgastro.com/pdf/November02/LoeningBauckeArticle.pdf
What can possibly work is a fairly strictly held schedule of toilet sitting accompanied with rewards.
However, if this is happening at school. Then the teacher has to be involved. And I have seen many situations where the child had problems because they were afraid to use the restrooms at recess times.
And in this case, as the parent has hopefully learned the punishments have not worked - what now?
In the first place it may not be due to poor wiping, but rather to actually having an accident in his underwear. Which I think is much more likely.
Also there are several good medical reasons - besides being scared to use the bathroom or being too lazy or having ADHD - for the child having this problem. And what a shame if it is a medical problem and the child is being punished for it.
This is a link to an article on functional fecal retention that might prove helpful. http://www.practicalgastro.com/pdf/November02/LoeningBauckeArticle.pdf
I offered advice not to humiliate a child and to that I stand by what I said.
I don't think holding a child back is a positive motivator. Spanking, shaming, humiliating, etc. is not positive parenting.
Rather, an encouraging approach with a reward system would be more appealing. What does the child say is the issue for not wiping properly?
I understand very much what it is like to parent a child with various challenges.
I don't think holding a child back is a positive motivator. Spanking, shaming, humiliating, etc. is not positive parenting.
Rather, an encouraging approach with a reward system would be more appealing. What does the child say is the issue for not wiping properly?
I understand very much what it is like to parent a child with various challenges.
1 Comments
The issue with the child I deal with is the possibility of touching the poop.
Oh, please do not humiliate your child like this (suggesting he stay back in school, etc.). Perhaps your son is constipated and having problems.
I really don't think kids desire to not wipe well or have stains in their underwear.
I would make this more positive and safe emotionally for him. Show him how to do it. Talk about if he is having any trouble going, if it hurts at all or if it feels like some is still there, make sure he's leaving enough time to go so that it isn't happening on the front end, etc. And then set up a reward type of sitation. Approach it like i want to help you ---- not like you are an awful kid that I'm furious and disappointed with. good luck
I really don't think kids desire to not wipe well or have stains in their underwear.
I would make this more positive and safe emotionally for him. Show him how to do it. Talk about if he is having any trouble going, if it hurts at all or if it feels like some is still there, make sure he's leaving enough time to go so that it isn't happening on the front end, etc. And then set up a reward type of sitation. Approach it like i want to help you ---- not like you are an awful kid that I'm furious and disappointed with. good luck
1 Comments
I agree I have the same problem, I do tease him sometimes. I ask him to go back to the restroom and double check his butt, underwear and rewash his hands and I have the nose of a hound. This is what a I assume is another part of his development. Some of the ways people are trying to do everything” are the exact things they should not be doing. This is degrading, and putting your child down. We don’t even treat people we dislike like that. Don’t treat the little person you love most in this world in a negative degrading way. There is a difference between being assertiveness and negative reinforcement to correct your child. Assertiveness is consistently working with your child. Negative reinforcement only reinforces the behaviors your are trying to prevent and is abusive in nature. We don’t criticize babies for not walking perfectly when they are learning. We need to be consistent but not cruel. It’s just apart of their development.
I am going through the same thing. I decided to get online to search answers today. My 8 year son is going through this. I have talked to him, taken away the video games, spanked him, told him the kids aren't going to want to play with him.. I am just at my witts end with this. I don't understand. He stinks and sometimes it is HORRIBLE!! Just this morning, when I was looking for a shirt for him I found a pair of dirty underwear in his dresser.. it is beyond disguisting and now all of his clothes smell. I want to help him with this, and not hurt his feelings in the process, but I truly don't understand why he would want to walk around with poop in his underpants. Today, I told him I was going to make him stay behind a grade in school, because he is just not ready to go on if he can't even wipe himself after going to the bathroom. I packed up all of his video games to put away. I told him if he did this again he was going to lose them for good, and yet, he continues to do it, or more so NOT do it... I am nervous that I am over reacting to this situation, but then again not.. I think I have approached this every way possible... what can I do???
Our 8 yr refuses to wipe after she goes to the bathroom. She leaves poop in her underwear from it. It is disguesting. It has concerned me that a possible problem that this could be linked to is someone abusing the child. It is scary to think of and we have talked to our child a lot I suggest you talk to your daughter about appropriate people like you and her doctor being able to see where her bathing suit covers just to cover your tracts. I think that we have tried everything you have from asking her if she has wiped every time she exits, softer toilet paper, wipes, punishment, making her purchas new underwear with her own money everything. It does not work. This is my step daughter so I think its even grosser to me because i never imagined an 8 yr old would regress back to baby stages. We have a 7 month old son and I would think it might have to do wtih him and his attention however, it really started before he even was born I think. It was early in 2010 and he was born in April there was so much going on that I think we thought she would get over it with proper attention and she never has I am so concerned that she is going to get someone in the house sick. I have taken my temprapedic mattress out of her room because I dont want it getting poop on it. We can have a conversation about wiping and why its important for her health and our health and kids at school dont want to be her friends cause she smells and 2 minutes later she goes potty and DOES NOT WIPE! I know your frustration and if you have found anything that works PLEASE let me know
...Perhaps speak to a doctor if you are concerned she has a problem .I think if you back off a bit she will be less anxious and may be able to help herself,this is just my opinion,
These are all the things we have tried.
We have baby wipes and she is asked to use as many as possible to get her clean.
I never mentioned that when she has made an effort she is treated to whatever she wants.
I do not stNd over her everytime it has been once or twice to see off she actually knows what she is doing and she does.
I just wanted advice invade she has a medical problem .
We have baby wipes and she is asked to use as many as possible to get her clean.
I never mentioned that when she has made an effort she is treated to whatever she wants.
I do not stNd over her everytime it has been once or twice to see off she actually knows what she is doing and she does.
I just wanted advice invade she has a medical problem .
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