Aa
Benedryl (Wal dryl) Abuse
For months I noticed lots of the tiny pink Benedryl tablets in my girlfriends' purse. They didn't seem to be disappearing so I never questioned it. One night, on a whim, I counted 37 pills in her purse. The next evening I went to count again and there were only 8 left...which led me to believe she took over 20 of them in a 24 hour period.
(I should add, before we get too far into this, that my girlfriend is a recoverring acloholic and has an addictive personality and lies about things like sneaking cigarrettes (which is odd since I smoke and wouldn't judge))
I am aware that there are side effects related to abuse. One is rapid heartbeat (which she has complained about since I met her). Another is the fact that she sleeps 12 hours at a go and, aside from St. John's Wort, she takes no other sleep aids and, currently isn't even working. I attribute a small amount of this to depression but to be actually SLEEPING that long?....
She also strongly argues that she is not taking more than one or two a day...sometimes four if her "sinuses are acting up". Funny thing is, I've been living with the girl for over a year and she has never blown her nose in front of me, had any allergic reactions, or anything of the sort.
The scary thing is that, in hindsight, I recall her waking up in the middle of the night making no sense whatsoever and rambling on about things she doesn't remember the next day. The fact that she strongly denies taking more than perscribed (even though I KNOW otherwise), the elongated sleep patterns and inability to sleep when I'm "watching", and the fact that she generally hides the bottle in the back of the cabinet and, somewhat foolishly, seems to buy new bottles and use them to fill the OLD bottle....all lead me to believe that there is an addiction-type situation occurring.
Does anyone have any relevant advice or suggestions on how to approach the issue or if there are signs I should be looking for or if I need to seek advice elsewhere! Thanks in advance!!!
(I should add, before we get too far into this, that my girlfriend is a recoverring acloholic and has an addictive personality and lies about things like sneaking cigarrettes (which is odd since I smoke and wouldn't judge))
I am aware that there are side effects related to abuse. One is rapid heartbeat (which she has complained about since I met her). Another is the fact that she sleeps 12 hours at a go and, aside from St. John's Wort, she takes no other sleep aids and, currently isn't even working. I attribute a small amount of this to depression but to be actually SLEEPING that long?....
She also strongly argues that she is not taking more than one or two a day...sometimes four if her "sinuses are acting up". Funny thing is, I've been living with the girl for over a year and she has never blown her nose in front of me, had any allergic reactions, or anything of the sort.
The scary thing is that, in hindsight, I recall her waking up in the middle of the night making no sense whatsoever and rambling on about things she doesn't remember the next day. The fact that she strongly denies taking more than perscribed (even though I KNOW otherwise), the elongated sleep patterns and inability to sleep when I'm "watching", and the fact that she generally hides the bottle in the back of the cabinet and, somewhat foolishly, seems to buy new bottles and use them to fill the OLD bottle....all lead me to believe that there is an addiction-type situation occurring.
Does anyone have any relevant advice or suggestions on how to approach the issue or if there are signs I should be looking for or if I need to seek advice elsewhere! Thanks in advance!!!
Thread is 2 years old and, obviously, you didn't read it in it's entirety.
1 Comments
6 years later lol
While it is great that in your opinion on this post you feel that you are a caring friend and have noticed all of the above. However, if she refuses to be honest with you, then there is not really a friendship there at this point and you should remove yourself from her presence. You have confronted her and as you stated, she is a liar, has an addictive personality, an alcoholic, among other things, and you have spoken to her about your concerns and there seems to be no positive response or at least some type of responsibility or action taken on her part in order to retain her friendship with you means that she is not ready to let go of her addicting behaviors and right now, that is more important to her, than her friendship with you.
Being honest. I mean, I know your looking for some answers, but the way you wrote up the post I would not want a friend of mine writing up a post like this on me and it goes to show, your not a real friend either. You speak of your friend in a way that makes one not want to share anything with you. You cannot be trusted as a friend. Sorry, but speaking the truth.
Being honest. I mean, I know your looking for some answers, but the way you wrote up the post I would not want a friend of mine writing up a post like this on me and it goes to show, your not a real friend either. You speak of your friend in a way that makes one not want to share anything with you. You cannot be trusted as a friend. Sorry, but speaking the truth.
Scoenen & Crys833:
Thank you! I really appreciate your responses and congrats!! It means a lot to me to see such responses in a thread filled with negative things about me. I'll admit, I didn't want to ever read this thread again because it makes me cry and is completely humiliating. But I had 3 reasons for checking back on this thread:
First, I felt I had to add the addict's side of the story and the wonderful outcome to provide others with a sense of comfort in commonality and most importantly, hope.
Secondly, I must comment on behalf of my wonderful mother. Jake's reference to being considered the bad guy stems from a mother who saw her daughter devastated by a man's betrayal time and again. I ran to her instead of drinking the first few times. But when he did it again, I couldn't stand to tell her it happened again because I knew I'd just end up going back to him and she would think I was crazy. And so, as we know, I bottled it up in the bottle. Mom knew my resentments toward Jake were what led me to relapse, but she does not blame Jake. She is not "ignorant" by any means. She told me every day to go to meetings and often discussed treatment. She even came over and read to me from Dr. Milam's book about addiction in an attempt to educate me about my illness. She researched every inpatient program from Arizona to Washington and she checked me into the one she thought was best. Her father, nephew, and just this month, her sister, have all died from addiction in some form. She "gets" this disease and her heart is absolutely tremendous.
Just as Jake's is :)
Third, seeing this again was part of facing a painful past, of which, I wasn't proud. When I mentioned it, my (female;) sponsor suggested I read this piece of history as a person in recovery and try to read it not with embarrassment and anger, but with a new understanding of who/what this disease created in me and a fresh perspective, so as to see it for what it is now and what it must certainly remain - "history."
"WE DO NOT REGRET THE PAST, NOR DO WE WISH TO SHUT THE DOOR ON IT"
Thank you! I really appreciate your responses and congrats!! It means a lot to me to see such responses in a thread filled with negative things about me. I'll admit, I didn't want to ever read this thread again because it makes me cry and is completely humiliating. But I had 3 reasons for checking back on this thread:
First, I felt I had to add the addict's side of the story and the wonderful outcome to provide others with a sense of comfort in commonality and most importantly, hope.
Secondly, I must comment on behalf of my wonderful mother. Jake's reference to being considered the bad guy stems from a mother who saw her daughter devastated by a man's betrayal time and again. I ran to her instead of drinking the first few times. But when he did it again, I couldn't stand to tell her it happened again because I knew I'd just end up going back to him and she would think I was crazy. And so, as we know, I bottled it up in the bottle. Mom knew my resentments toward Jake were what led me to relapse, but she does not blame Jake. She is not "ignorant" by any means. She told me every day to go to meetings and often discussed treatment. She even came over and read to me from Dr. Milam's book about addiction in an attempt to educate me about my illness. She researched every inpatient program from Arizona to Washington and she checked me into the one she thought was best. Her father, nephew, and just this month, her sister, have all died from addiction in some form. She "gets" this disease and her heart is absolutely tremendous.
Just as Jake's is :)
Third, seeing this again was part of facing a painful past, of which, I wasn't proud. When I mentioned it, my (female;) sponsor suggested I read this piece of history as a person in recovery and try to read it not with embarrassment and anger, but with a new understanding of who/what this disease created in me and a fresh perspective, so as to see it for what it is now and what it must certainly remain - "history."
"WE DO NOT REGRET THE PAST, NOR DO WE WISH TO SHUT THE DOOR ON IT"
I'm glad you are beating this disease! I know all too well what it's like when you feel you're with your soulmate, but keep hurting each other in different ways. It does turn into a cycle, and for a lot of people it starts to define their whole relationship. I'm happy for and Jake, you are moving past your mistakes and basing your relationship on love and forgiveness, not revenge. Good Luck to you guys, and congrats on 80 days clean girl!
i am so glad your got the help you deserve. there are always two sides to a story and sometimes we have to remember that things may be left out that are pretinent to the discussion. i am proud of you for getting past all the disappointments- it sounds like your life has really turned around.
way to go!
scoenen
way to go!
scoenen
Hi everyone! This is Jake's girlfriend. Yes I'm still his girlfriend ;) Almost 80 days sober now! I just wanted to give you an update since I know how concerned you all were for him. Luckily for me, my parents were concerned enough for me to send me to treatment. I ended up staying in the same state, living in a sober house. I'm doing really well and finally educated enough about my disease to learn how NOT to let things like being cheated on and other resentments toward Jake keep me trapped in what I thought was my only way out of feeling the pain.
I am a good person though, I did lie, as is the nature of addiction. Thankfully Jake has forgiven me the lies I told when I was under that spell. Aside from that, I have been honest, loving, and faithful (despite the urge to get him back for what he did). He knows the real me and I suppose that's why he wouldn't let me go when I tried to end it with him while I was in treatment so that he could move on. Thank goodness for that, as he truly is my soulmate. Don't know what I'd do without him!
In treatment I learned that those who have done us wrong are simply as sick as we are and that we must treat them this way. This is how I was able to forgive Jake. I was sober for 2 years until I met him and he did some things that truly devastated me. I started drinking and abusing other things when I caught him cheating again and again. I tried to leave him each time but we just couldn't quit each other. So instead I kept taking him back and every time he hurt me again, I drowned my sorrows the only way I knew how. But this is obviously not something a person with a normally functioning brain does. I no longer blame him for this relapse because that isn't right or fair and I know he's not to blame, but I did at first because before he hurt me, I never even thought of abusing any kind of drug. I needed help to stop the vicious cycle and learn how to cope with awful feelings and I needed Jake to stop his cycle as well. And as I have changed, he assures me he has changed as well.
I tell you all this because I think people looking to this thread for help and support should see that there can be a happy ending no matter WHAT you go through and it starts with recovery and forgiveness. You can't let others actions make you stray from your sober path. Only you can truly affect you.
This is a "family disease" and your loved one(s) should be educated too. Jake didn't know how to tell me he was concerned. He just accused me of things and yelled at me, and vented on sites like these without simply talking to me. But he just didn't know the right way to go about it. I don't blame him for that. If you are a loved one wondering how to talk to an addict in your life, you must remember to come from a place of love, not anger. Your loved one is sick, not evil.
So in this happy ending, Jake plans to move here and we talk of marriage often! I am finally able to forgive and move on to a beautiful future with him.
Stay strong if you are a loved one seeking advice or an addict seeking support. Life gets better, if you do. It takes two if you love each other. We must continually, consistently work on ourselves. Jake and I continue to do this daily and have never been stronger and more in love.
Take care everyone! Thank you so much for your support of Jake. I appreciate that he had someone to turn to.
I am a good person though, I did lie, as is the nature of addiction. Thankfully Jake has forgiven me the lies I told when I was under that spell. Aside from that, I have been honest, loving, and faithful (despite the urge to get him back for what he did). He knows the real me and I suppose that's why he wouldn't let me go when I tried to end it with him while I was in treatment so that he could move on. Thank goodness for that, as he truly is my soulmate. Don't know what I'd do without him!
In treatment I learned that those who have done us wrong are simply as sick as we are and that we must treat them this way. This is how I was able to forgive Jake. I was sober for 2 years until I met him and he did some things that truly devastated me. I started drinking and abusing other things when I caught him cheating again and again. I tried to leave him each time but we just couldn't quit each other. So instead I kept taking him back and every time he hurt me again, I drowned my sorrows the only way I knew how. But this is obviously not something a person with a normally functioning brain does. I no longer blame him for this relapse because that isn't right or fair and I know he's not to blame, but I did at first because before he hurt me, I never even thought of abusing any kind of drug. I needed help to stop the vicious cycle and learn how to cope with awful feelings and I needed Jake to stop his cycle as well. And as I have changed, he assures me he has changed as well.
I tell you all this because I think people looking to this thread for help and support should see that there can be a happy ending no matter WHAT you go through and it starts with recovery and forgiveness. You can't let others actions make you stray from your sober path. Only you can truly affect you.
This is a "family disease" and your loved one(s) should be educated too. Jake didn't know how to tell me he was concerned. He just accused me of things and yelled at me, and vented on sites like these without simply talking to me. But he just didn't know the right way to go about it. I don't blame him for that. If you are a loved one wondering how to talk to an addict in your life, you must remember to come from a place of love, not anger. Your loved one is sick, not evil.
So in this happy ending, Jake plans to move here and we talk of marriage often! I am finally able to forgive and move on to a beautiful future with him.
Stay strong if you are a loved one seeking advice or an addict seeking support. Life gets better, if you do. It takes two if you love each other. We must continually, consistently work on ourselves. Jake and I continue to do this daily and have never been stronger and more in love.
Take care everyone! Thank you so much for your support of Jake. I appreciate that he had someone to turn to.
1 Comments
Wonder if your both around so inspiring if you check in and I meet you
Hey Jake,
It's an old cliche, but very true. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger........
It's an old cliche, but very true. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger........
Thank you! It really is for the best...for both of us. And I think her parents are coming around. They, in fact, are the ones that paid for her treatment. They're still ignorant and seem to believe that I'm the bad guy in the situation...which is pure lunacy considerring I'm the one that scraped her off the ground both times while they played ignorant.
Anyway, I will find someone perfect for me...maybe in a couple years that person will be her...but I'm not even going to think about that. That's an easy way to miss out on other opportunities and sway my judgement. I'm heartbroken, yes...was totally left alone with all the burden to carry...but I remind myself that I'm doing this so that someone I loved can be healthy and happy. No good deed goes unpunished...but lets hope that she stays in and sober so it's not all for nothing!
Thank you..all of you...I'm SO glad I came here!
Anyway, I will find someone perfect for me...maybe in a couple years that person will be her...but I'm not even going to think about that. That's an easy way to miss out on other opportunities and sway my judgement. I'm heartbroken, yes...was totally left alone with all the burden to carry...but I remind myself that I'm doing this so that someone I loved can be healthy and happy. No good deed goes unpunished...but lets hope that she stays in and sober so it's not all for nothing!
Thank you..all of you...I'm SO glad I came here!
COMMUNITY LEADER
I am glad to see both of you taking care of yourselves now~~~~sara
Hey Jake! Glad to see you back, and even more glad to see you're doing better and that your (ex) girlfriend is finally back in treatment. I know you must be heartbroken right now, but at least all your questions about her behavior are finally answered and out in the open. Did her family ever come around or do they still think this isn't that big of a deal? God bless you for trying to help her and also for making the decision to move on without her. Who knows? Maybe she really wasn't your "soul mate." Give it time and I bet you'll find the real one. :-)
I should add....I love her to death. She was as close to a soulmate as I thought possible! Though I started this thread asking for advice I am going to spread a little advice at this point. If someone you care about has an addiction (whether it be benadryl or crack), the BEST thing you can do is get informed, ask questions (in a loving manner), and do YOUR part to support without enabling. I have also learned that the ONLY way to "push" someone toward positive change is to make them accountable for their actions. Yes...they are "sick"...but they are also human. I mean, if you have cancer you can't just walk around punching people because you hate life or you feel ill. Be supportive without letting them get away with hell! You have to look out for yourself....no matter how much you care about someone else! I mean, like I said, even if the person had cancer as opposed to alcoholism, you would be foolish to let their health effect yours. Someone has to remain strong...especially if one needs support!
To all, be healthy, be safe, and be considerate! Nothing is black and white! Lead by example and, as my favorite saying says, "Be kind, for we are all fighting a great battle." - Philo of Alexandria.
To all, be healthy, be safe, and be considerate! Nothing is black and white! Lead by example and, as my favorite saying says, "Be kind, for we are all fighting a great battle." - Philo of Alexandria.
To all....
She is in treatment...she will be there and will likely remain in the state where she's attending treatment. Obviously it wasn't just a benadryl addiction....benadryl has just been a long-standing, cheap, legal alternative that she could play off to allergies. I've done almost as much research on Benadryl in the last six months as the FDA...and Benadryl is certainly not as harmless as some like to make it sound...ESPECIALLY when combined with most anythin else. 50 Asprin a day can do serious damage....an antihystamine can obviously be as damaging in doses that high. It's not like she was just taking it to sleep. And, to my knowledge, she has had a history with opiates as well (may have mentioned that before).
Anyway, she's getting help and that's all I could ask for for her. I'm going to move forward and hope for the best, for both of us. Far too many lies have been told and far too much water under the bridge to look forward to some kind of reunion when/if she comes out clean. Thanks a million to Jay Bay and Wolfmedicine for your support, kindness, and advice!
I know enough about addiction to know that the best hope of her getting clean is changing EVERYTHING in her life. I'm man enough to admit that the stresses of our relationship and finances could have contributed to her anxiety and therefore sparked her addiction to resurface. Regardless, she will be better for learning how to love and be with herself. I'd surely do more damage than good trying to rekindle something that literally drowned in Jack Daniels.
Thanks again everyone...and I do check back often...so i don't miss the new posts....just don't always have time to respond.
She is in treatment...she will be there and will likely remain in the state where she's attending treatment. Obviously it wasn't just a benadryl addiction....benadryl has just been a long-standing, cheap, legal alternative that she could play off to allergies. I've done almost as much research on Benadryl in the last six months as the FDA...and Benadryl is certainly not as harmless as some like to make it sound...ESPECIALLY when combined with most anythin else. 50 Asprin a day can do serious damage....an antihystamine can obviously be as damaging in doses that high. It's not like she was just taking it to sleep. And, to my knowledge, she has had a history with opiates as well (may have mentioned that before).
Anyway, she's getting help and that's all I could ask for for her. I'm going to move forward and hope for the best, for both of us. Far too many lies have been told and far too much water under the bridge to look forward to some kind of reunion when/if she comes out clean. Thanks a million to Jay Bay and Wolfmedicine for your support, kindness, and advice!
I know enough about addiction to know that the best hope of her getting clean is changing EVERYTHING in her life. I'm man enough to admit that the stresses of our relationship and finances could have contributed to her anxiety and therefore sparked her addiction to resurface. Regardless, she will be better for learning how to love and be with herself. I'd surely do more damage than good trying to rekindle something that literally drowned in Jack Daniels.
Thanks again everyone...and I do check back often...so i don't miss the new posts....just don't always have time to respond.
Women - huh..?
Could be a form of attention seeking. Could be a fear of taking something that may actually do herself harm? Could be a Loads of things. Maybe she just feels Completely stressed with life? Maybe she's on a Birth Control Pill that is Giving her Anxiety?
Best thing to do is Calmly - Lovingly , look at her and ask why does she take the Benedryl? My wife likes to have a Drink once in a while. Im sure to ask if shes okay...Shes a full time student and she typically explains her frustration or Stress of School.
She does have one Slight addiction though - Nasal Spray. Its mostly concentrated Saline, So I let it slide.
Could be a form of attention seeking. Could be a fear of taking something that may actually do herself harm? Could be a Loads of things. Maybe she just feels Completely stressed with life? Maybe she's on a Birth Control Pill that is Giving her Anxiety?
Best thing to do is Calmly - Lovingly , look at her and ask why does she take the Benedryl? My wife likes to have a Drink once in a while. Im sure to ask if shes okay...Shes a full time student and she typically explains her frustration or Stress of School.
She does have one Slight addiction though - Nasal Spray. Its mostly concentrated Saline, So I let it slide.
I don't know if jake is still around, but things turned out badly, and that's an understatement. It was a combination of benadryl and alcohol along with an enabling family in huge denial. I pray that jake is finding some peace in his life now and that his girlfriend will someday get the help she needs. Really sad...
From a medical Perspective, Benadryl abuse Fortunately isn't too much of an issue. An antihystamine won't really do too much to Wreck ur system.
The concern would be if she turns to something more Real. Like an Opiate or Benzo .
I Understand your concern though, some women are Addicted to Laxatives....I enjoy smoking - but would Much rather have a Benadryl habit.
The concern would be if she turns to something more Real. Like an Opiate or Benzo .
I Understand your concern though, some women are Addicted to Laxatives....I enjoy smoking - but would Much rather have a Benadryl habit.
Sorry you have had so much to deal with lately. But like you said, probably best for her anyways. Considering what was going on it is probably best for you right now also even though I'm sure it's tough. She may get out and be a whole new person.
Best of luck to you! Who knows what the future has in store.
Brian
Best of luck to you! Who knows what the future has in store.
Brian
Hey Jake,
Sounds like you are both going in the right direction. All the Best. Good Luck on moving forward. WM
Sounds like you are both going in the right direction. All the Best. Good Luck on moving forward. WM
Hey there...she's in another state in a treatment center. Checked in yesterday. Cross your fingers for her. Unfortunately I"ve been forced to move on. Probably best for her anyway. I'm personally ok...a lot to deal with and it has been quite the mess...but thanks!
Thank you for that post!
Mi Espanol es muy poquito y muy muy mal, pero, intiendo su post. Yours is also more formal than is my TexMex.........Gracias.
Mi Espanol es muy poquito y muy muy mal, pero, intiendo su post. Yours is also more formal than is my TexMex.........Gracias.
I am happy for both of you , Jake...
Michelle... por favor, respeta que los miembros del forum no tienen por qué entender español y si intercalas palabras en español sin traducirlas en tus posts sólo los haces confusos para quien los ha de leer. Gracias :)
please, respect that the members of the forum don't have to speak Spanish and if you write your posts with spanish words or expressions in that language without translating them , it is really confusing for the person reading them . Thank you :)
Michelle... por favor, respeta que los miembros del forum no tienen por qué entender español y si intercalas palabras en español sin traducirlas en tus posts sólo los haces confusos para quien los ha de leer. Gracias :)
please, respect that the members of the forum don't have to speak Spanish and if you write your posts with spanish words or expressions in that language without translating them , it is really confusing for the person reading them . Thank you :)
Wow! Thank you all...for everything. Granted, it's inevidible to get off topic or stray from the issue in forum threads but I appreciate the responses. You're right..it's about me and it's about her. I love her and I want whats best and that's why I seeked advice.
On a wonderfully happy note, not knowing she had seen this thread, we had a wonderful discussion and she has taken the time to learn the harmful effects of the substance and she is working towards change and I am supporting that effort 100%
Thanks for the advice all! I apreciate it!
On a wonderfully happy note, not knowing she had seen this thread, we had a wonderful discussion and she has taken the time to learn the harmful effects of the substance and she is working towards change and I am supporting that effort 100%
Thanks for the advice all! I apreciate it!
This is Wolf's wife - Jaybay. Ya'll, please remember that this thread is not about any one of us and who is right and who is wrong. It is about JAKE. He came here for opinions and advice and we all have done that. I received a PM late last night from Jake's girlfriend, so they are obviously talking about what they are reading here. That's a good thing! I hope they both come back and let us know how they're doing, and that they're both working through their issues together now, and hopefully with a group like NA or a private counselor.
From Wolf to Michelleln1978 - Con cuidado con su hablar.
From Wolf to Michelleln1978 - Con cuidado con su hablar.
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You are in the unfortunate and uncomfortable position of either -
1) playing DEA cop to gather evidence that will satisfy your suspicions, or
2) calmly asking her to be honest with you about the behavioral changes you've noticed.
Who knows? It may not even BE benadryl alone that is changing her behavior and sleep patterns. It may be a combination of that along with something else. You said in your first post that she is a habitual liar - even when confronted with direct evidence like the cigarettes - so you'll have to trust your own judgment. If her behavior is beyond what you can live with, it's time to go.
You're right - it's not your job to convince your girlfriend that she's an addict. It IS your job to tell her that her behavior has become a problem, and her actions have consequences to your relationship with her. It is also your job to determine what those consequences will be as far as your life with her is concerned and make them clear to her. How you say it probably won't matter. She's going to be angry; she's going to be defensive; she's going to deny; she's going to lie; and she probably won't change a thing, but you'll have it all out on the table with honesty.
In one way you are being an enabler. You are enabling your girlfriend's addiction problems to run your life. How much time do you spend wondering what you'll find when you get home from work? How much of your life do you want to spend having to count pills? How many sleepless nights do want to endure while you watch her to see if she's still breathing? Your relationship is already turning toxic because she won't work her recovery, and frankly it doesn't sound like she's recovered from squat at the moment.
Let's look at what you've written. Your girlfriend
1) Is an alcoholic/ addict
2) Has harmed herself and continues to harm herself with substance abuse
3) Is now harming YOUR life with continued substance abuse
4) Is a liar
5) Is unemployable in her chosen profession as a consequence of her addiction
6) Refuses to work a recovery program and wants to pretend everything is just fine.
What is left in this relationship for YOU?