My husband doesn't want me to touch him

[cwchristine]

I am a 60 year old female.  I exercise with 30 year olds and keep up with olympic lifting, running, pullups.  I can still wear a bikini at 60.

My husband doesn't want to have sex with me and won't let me touch him.  My feet touched his the other night while we were sleeping and he became violent.

We have not had sex in 2 years.

I don't know what to do,
CWChristine


This discussion is related to I don't want to be touched....

[specialmom]

Well, I think whenever someone says that their partner becomes violent, I worry.  That is an extreme reaction to a simple thing.  Is he furious with you?  Is he this way when he is out of bed if you say, walk by and brush his arm?  How long has the no touching thing (not just the sex) been going on?  How long have you been married?  Does he have any health conditions that you know of?  

I'm wondering if your strong, lean physique is something he resents.  By this I mean, you are clearly proud of how you look------------  you let us know how in shape you are and that you still wear a bikini at 60.  Perhaps he feels you put an emphasis on looks and he doesn't measure up??  Just wondering how this plays into it.  And you could also have told us this to describe yourself as desirable and that you don't understand why your husband is not wanting sex with you.

Intimacy is often a barometer of other things in the relationship.  If there is a lack of it, there is often a whole host of other problems.  Where is your relationship at with that?  Do you otherwise get along or are there other issues?  

I agree that talking to him about this is important. A therapist may help you do that.  Good luck.  I've asked a lot of questions but I'm just trying to understand what is going on in order to try and help you.

[AnnieBrooke]

I guess I'd ask him what is going on.  Would he be honest with you, do you think?  As Connie said, it's really not the physical shape of the person that makes a lot of difference if someone does or doesn't want sex, (unless, of course, the other person's body simply was of a type that turned them off entirely, such as a 130-lb. woman being asked to have sex in the missionary position with her 380-lb. husband, and even then there probably are women who do and like it).  But if he is getting violent about you accidentally brushing your foot against his, he sounds furious or phobic or closet gay or something else.  How long have you been married?  Has it always been this way?

[ConnieG]

I think it probably has much more to do than your physical condition.  Communication is important and you would probably be wise to ask him what is troubling him....when he's not throwing a fit because you touched him.....