Out of control 9 year old girl

[upsetmotherof2]

for the last 3 years now i have been dealing with my daughter stealing and lying and dont know how to control it.  She has ADHD and ODD but the meds just dont work she has been on so many different ones..  We have her in in home therapy so that the counselor can see her in her true environment and they are bafflied everything they have tried has failed she is just gettiing worse..  When she was 8 i even  had a police officer come to the house to have a talk with her, he made her promise she wouldnt do it again and not 5 minutes later she was stealing from me yet again..  She has a 16 month old brother and another brother due in may and i dont want them thinking this is good behaviour..  Im at my wits end i lov emy child but it is getting to the point where i dont want her in my house..  does anyone kno wof any advice or meds that are new that could possibly help..  i cry constantly becasue i dont know what to do anymore, people blame me so makes me feel like a bad mother but honestly i have went through parenting classes and everything im doing what im told by therapists and doctors so i know that its not entirely my fault.  someone please help..


This discussion is related to NINE YR. OLD OUT OF CONTROL.

[kizzy80]

my 9 year old daughter is disrespectful and violent. i dont know what to do anymore because she wont listen to me or any other adult for that matter. she doesnt have problems at school but comes home and causes turmoil. im at my wits end and im thinking about sending her away. she is not neglected or ignored . i have three other children and she consumes most of my time. i love her but sometimes its hard to be in the same room with her. she gets good grades and her teachers say that she is so sweet at school. so its not ADHD. she was evaluated by a doctor who told me that she just has a behavioral problem. that diagnosis is not helping my family because she is tearing our family apart with her behavior. my fiance is good with her but she disrespects him to. i dont know what to do anymore. i cant give up on her but i feel like i cant help her anymore.

[tinkerbell1124]

Super nanny???? I'm NOT sure. It seems you have taken all the measures to TRY and figure it out. Parents are NOT always to blame when they have an out of control child!!! I wish there was something I could tell you to make things better.

[jdtm]

This is a stretch but I'm going to mention it anyway.  Sometimes ADD/ADHD and ODD are diagnosed, when, in fact, you might be dealing with a personality disorder.  Medical doctors usually will not diagnose this condition until adulthood due to the "personality" still developing.  I might suggest you check out the internet site "BPDfamily.com" and then the message forums.  There is one board - Supporting a son or daughter suffering from BPD - which should help you.  I would suggest you start first by reading some of the articles in the top section - Discussion:  What Can a Parent Do?  Even if your daughter is not suffering from a personality disorder, you might be able to find some "help" in how to deal with her.  I hope that this is not the path your family will be taking.  All the best ...

[margypops]

May I ask what meds if any she is taking for the ADD and ODD as some do have side effects that can cause some behavioral issues. One other thing could she be jealous of the attention the 16 month old gets, she was your only child for a long time , and now another on the way, maybe she feels left out, focus on her positive side and praise her when you see her doing something right. Make time for one to one with her, take her out, let Dad have her brother, and ask Dad to play games and have fun, perhaps the way it used' to be' when she was the only one ...good luck