My life is over...

[CanMom09]

I am 27 years old... have been dealing with bipolar since I was 13. Lately things have been getting so bad. I spent a week in the psych ward recently on an involuntary hold for trying to take my own life. I'm on an array of meds and nothing seems to be working. I keep a blog online, in previous episodes writing would usually help me. Not this time. I just feel like I'm at my wits end. I am currently off work for a while as a result of my disease. It's completely destroying my life. I lost my husband, my kids... everything. I don't know how much more I can take!

Lyssa
http://****.wordpress.com/

[lindahand]

Is there an outpatient program you can go to? I went to an adult day program for a month and it helped tremendously. It made me get up in the morning, and let me use my brain in a gentle way. It gave me back some hope. And it was good to be around other people who were struggling to make something of their lives too. They taught us lots of things on how to help ourselves. I also go and see a therapist about every three weeks and she is helping me with my negative thoughts.

If money or health coverage is an issue one really good book is called "The Bipolar Survival Guide" It is newly revised and costs about $25 through Amazon if I remember correctly. It goes through all the "why do we have bipolar?" and what medications help and what we can do through behavior modification like social rythms (doing things at the same time each day like going to bed on time each night). It even has a section on women and mental health.

Kids have an enormous capacity to forgive. Depending on the age of the children they may not understand and may be hurt. They probably blame themselves as that is what children tend to do. It will probably take a lot of work to restore a trusting, loving relationship, but all is not lost. There is a special love kids have for their parent's. So keep working hard to get better so you can start to repair that relationship. When they become adults they will understand better. If they are adults, getting them to read the information in the Bipolar Survival Guide may help.

It will take time, and perhaps a lot of experimenting with medication. It took me over 2 years to get on the right mix of medications so don't give up yet. Unfortunately this is as much of an art as it is a science.

[Jaquta]

To me it sounds as though you need some quality time out in a safe environment.
I think that often we go through rebuilding phases.  We have numerous losses but somehow manage to pull ourselves through them.  I think that talking and interacting with others can help.

Have you discussed with health professionals how bad you're feeling?

Risk is often higher after discharge so this is something to be mindful of.

Along with the expert's suggestions I would also strongly recommend talking to a psychotherapist.

I don't have bipolar but I have other significant mh issues that impact on my life.  For me, I feel better when I exercise (my doctor says that this is my medicine), when I eat well and get enough sleep.  Talking and feeling connected to others also helps.

It may be helpful to look at what works for you or has worked for you in the past.  Just wondering if the blogging isn't helping this time because things are still so raw.

I think that anything to reduce your stress levels would be extremely helpful.

[Peter Forster]

Thanks for writing in to this site. I hope that it will allow you to hear from some other folks who have successfully dealt with bipolar. Many people have struggled with the same terrible challenges and eventually found a program that works for them and allows them to have a good life, but it is sometimes very hard.

One thing that I think is especially important this time of year is the importance of regular rhythms of light and activity - I have found that early morning light (with a therapy light) and regular physical activity (admittedly a very hard thing to consider now) can make over time a huge difference in folks lives.

Peter Forster