Gay porn

[Summernights]

I am new to this forum, and am looking for some genuine help please.
2 weeks ago I found gay chat sites on my husbands iPad, of course being the curious person decided to look more into it before I confronted him. I found that he had made up a profile and had sent messages to other men of rather graphic nature, also wanting to meet up. I confronted him and he has assured me that it has gone no further than messaging and that he has never meet any one. I don't know what to think, it feels like my word has been tipped upside down, the man I meet and married is no longer the person I know. I feel dirty and so alone as I have no one I can talk to about this. Has anyone out there got any words of wisdom or been through this themselves. Thank you

[Summernights]

Thank you for your comments. We have talked and he has assured me it won't happen again and that he isn't gay/bi. For me I can't quite get my head around that as why would he be on these sites. I don't feel angry and when I talk to him am very calm, considering the situation. He says he was curious and it was nice to feel the chase, I asked him why not women's chat rooms and he said he felt that would be cheating. No wonder I feel so confused. Now since all this is out I feel destroyed, I find myself questioning everything, if we don't have sex I wonder is it because of me, do I not fill his needs. It's is so nice to be able to get this all out and have unbiased advice. Thank you.

[juswan2003]

Summernights, run as fast as you can---he's a liar!  If he's gone as far as creating profiles on gay sites and admitted that he "likes the chase" he gets from gay men---he's gay!  No questions about it.  If he lies to you about this, there's no telling what else he's lying about.  You'll always question almost everything he does and you'll always have doubts making you feel more insecure by the second.  Plus, you don't want him bringing you back an infection.  It's been several years since your original post.  I'm interested to know if you're still with him?  I'd bet the tip of my right pinky nail you've wised up and cut out.

[AnnieBrooke]

I'd say the same.  You need to know if he is cheating, first of all.  If he has been having sex, you need to get checked at the doctor for STDs.  You should obviously discuss if he is gay, bi, or just "gay curious," and especially, what that means about you and your marriage.  Some women are married to gay or bi men, and the couple has worked out an accommodation to that.  Some women have no interest in such a life.  It will take some talking together to decide what you're both wanting now that you know, and he needs to be honest.  It's more likely to happen if you are calm and concerned, not freaking out and wringing your hands.  If you can do that.

[YardBull]

This would be a surprise for anyone in your situation, and I understand your reaction.  It may not solve anything, but you could try to talk this out with your husband in a non-confrontational, calm manner, if possible, to hear his reasons for behaving in this way and what he thinks about his and your future.