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Intense desire to cheat
I have never cheated on my husband. I recently found out he obtained a go phone. Although I've never seen it, I did find some entries on his web browser that are undeniable proof that he activated one. The visited web pages can only be reached by signing with an account. They're very precise web pages. I confronted him but he denies it. He cries and says I'm mistaken ( Only seen him cry twice in 20+ years and it's been death related). He says it wasn't him. We live alone and nobody visited us on the days that coincide with the dates on the history....Also it was on his personal Kindle fire and not on the laptop that's available to guests. I have suspected him of cheating for the last two years. He put me through hell! I feel extremely hurt and angry! I feel like treating him the way he has treated me. Letting think everything is ok and having hard hot sex with someone I find attractive. I know this sounds immature but at the moment I don't know what else to do.
Two wrongs don't make a right.
If you think he's cheating on you and you think that cheating on you is a bad thing, do you really want to become just as bad as him?
What's the goal in your idea of having sex with someone else? When you wake up the next day, then what? Do you keep having sex with other people? Do you embark on a full-scale affair? How would that lead you to a better life?
If you want to have sex with someone else, end your current relationship first. Nobody will respect you for setting fire to your relationship on the way out. You could very easily come out looking like the guilty party. Even worse, if he isn't cheating at all, you could destroy both of your lives for nothing.
Time to make a real choice - stay or go. If you want to stay, find out for sure what's going on and try to fix it. If you want to go, go.
Don't for one moment think that you can try to do both and end up happy.
If you think he's cheating on you and you think that cheating on you is a bad thing, do you really want to become just as bad as him?
What's the goal in your idea of having sex with someone else? When you wake up the next day, then what? Do you keep having sex with other people? Do you embark on a full-scale affair? How would that lead you to a better life?
If you want to have sex with someone else, end your current relationship first. Nobody will respect you for setting fire to your relationship on the way out. You could very easily come out looking like the guilty party. Even worse, if he isn't cheating at all, you could destroy both of your lives for nothing.
Time to make a real choice - stay or go. If you want to stay, find out for sure what's going on and try to fix it. If you want to go, go.
Don't for one moment think that you can try to do both and end up happy.
1 Comments
Just realised that this question was posted two years ago. Probably a bit late to be of any help!
men dont cry usualy..i think you should give him some time..may be there is some one trying to destroy your life...like your best friend or cousin or siblings..
Yes....I'm not interested in someone else....he could help me regain trust but he's not willing.
Well, then do what you think is best for you. No trust, means no foundation to work with. Seek legal advice before you pack your bags. If I were you, I would leave him first, before starting something new w/ someone else. Leave with a clear conscience...
Good Luck
Good Luck
But--that's exactly how I feel. I feel he got a go phone and has cheated (why else would a person get one?.) So he decided it's ok for him but not for me. So he exited the relationship and decided for both of us It's over and NEVER told me. So there's no trust left. Screw him!
Sorry, I had to cut my comment short earlier..
I get where you are coming from, I understand it completely. Just know that if you act on your urges, it doesn't necessarily mean that he will acknowledge, or actually care that you can feel desire for another person. What if it doesn't make any difference to him whether you cheat on him, or not? Maybe he'll expect you to do so? Maybe he'll feel as though he deserves it ~ that is if he actually cheated.
My point is, at the end of the day, you will have to come to terms with what you have done, and how it affects you. If you feel that having an affair will make things better for you, then go for it. Starting an intimate relationship w/ somebody outside of your marriage will certainly complicate your life emotionally; nothing can prepare you for that.. Just know, that when people start cheating, they pretty well know that the end of their marriage is near. Once you cross the line, there's no going back; you'll have to accept partial responsibility for the demise of your marriage. Ultimately it is up to you on how you want to handle the future. We can only give you advice here, it doesn't mean that you have to follow it.
Best wishes, take care.
I get where you are coming from, I understand it completely. Just know that if you act on your urges, it doesn't necessarily mean that he will acknowledge, or actually care that you can feel desire for another person. What if it doesn't make any difference to him whether you cheat on him, or not? Maybe he'll expect you to do so? Maybe he'll feel as though he deserves it ~ that is if he actually cheated.
My point is, at the end of the day, you will have to come to terms with what you have done, and how it affects you. If you feel that having an affair will make things better for you, then go for it. Starting an intimate relationship w/ somebody outside of your marriage will certainly complicate your life emotionally; nothing can prepare you for that.. Just know, that when people start cheating, they pretty well know that the end of their marriage is near. Once you cross the line, there's no going back; you'll have to accept partial responsibility for the demise of your marriage. Ultimately it is up to you on how you want to handle the future. We can only give you advice here, it doesn't mean that you have to follow it.
Best wishes, take care.
I'm serious about this extreme urge to cheat. I haven't ruled it out. It won't be anything like a stranger through Ashley Madison though. There's people that have expressed interest in me and I may just take that leap. Maybe if I had a little on the side I wouldn't feel all this pain and anger. ...
For him to see I can too provoke delicious passion in another. For him to see it's easy to give into carnal pleasures. For him to see I'm as desirable to others as he finds other people....I know it's stupid....futile. I already know all these things about myself. I just wish he'd recognize those things in me. I'm not a cheap tramp.....
Hi,
Regarding the title of your topic here, 'Intense Desire to cheat'; I have a two part question for you, and a few suggestions.
First the question; are you considering cheating because you want to make him hurt and feel the pain that you are feeling ~ or is it that you crave human contact and truly miss intimacy?
The thing about cheating is that you end up putting yourself on the same level of shame as the supposed cheater. Cheating will complicate and disengrate.
Regarding the title of your topic here, 'Intense Desire to cheat'; I have a two part question for you, and a few suggestions.
First the question; are you considering cheating because you want to make him hurt and feel the pain that you are feeling ~ or is it that you crave human contact and truly miss intimacy?
The thing about cheating is that you end up putting yourself on the same level of shame as the supposed cheater. Cheating will complicate and disengrate.
Nope...go back and read my post. No way of gaining access to those web pages without an account. I will seek counceling for myself. I'm in pure agony but I'd rather hurt than live a lie.
The only proof you have is that he is surfing these sites, not that he is flat out cheating.
If he isn't going to admit to what he has done, then I can't really see how couples' therapy would be of help. No admission for him=no problem.
I do recommend you seek counseling to guide you in the appropriate direction on how to sort this out as cheating on him won't resolve any of this. In fact, I think it would just complicate things more.
If he isn't going to admit to what he has done, then I can't really see how couples' therapy would be of help. No admission for him=no problem.
I do recommend you seek counseling to guide you in the appropriate direction on how to sort this out as cheating on him won't resolve any of this. In fact, I think it would just complicate things more.
I'm still trying to process all this. I don't think I can accept any of these unless I receive validation from him. I won't continue to sweep dirt under the carpet. I plan moving on either with or without him.....I would prefer with. If we are to restore trust then there has to be a clean slate. If not we will have a faulty foundation. I don't think he's willing and I know I simply cannot look the other way. I deserve better.
Well....what other reasons do people have for getting a secret go phone? In my opinion if that can't be addressed, then what chance is there for resolution?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Okay. Well, you are still making assumptions about what it means. Are you wanting to work on the relationship or not?
I would think that most people would have a contact in order to use a communication device. It would prove a need for secrecy.....all during a time when I believed we were moving on. Also---I forgot to mention there was another entry a month later(go phone plans are on a month to month basis).
COMMUNITY LEADER
I understand that you have proof of a phone but really, what does that prove?
Thank you for replying. The proof of the existence of the go phone is due to the web browser history log. Let me explain: when you first go into the site you reach the general info page (has rates, products, etc), then if you proceed on that site it takes you to a page called "Activate my device"; once the device is activated you can go into a page called "my personal info". You cannot go into that page unless you have an account. I even visited a store that sells these and where the activate phones and they said there is no way to reach those pages without an account. I know I sound ridiculous when I say I want to cheat....but---I feel like a complete idiot that has stayed at home crying while he was enjoying the never ending "business dinners". I'm not to happy with my medal for being a good girl today....
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. I read your other post so have that background information as well. Hon, I strongly urge you not to act on this impulse. You will feel worse about yourself and the situation. Instead, ask him to see a counselor with you. Or see one on your own. And decide if you want to go forward with the relationship or not. If you do, work on it. If not, then work on leaving. After you have left, take some time to heal and THEN consider having a new man in your life. Trust me, you don't want to be as bad as him by cheating if he DID cheat (and you haven't written anything that to me is definitive proof).
We are here to talk if you need someone to vent to. good luck
We are here to talk if you need someone to vent to. good luck
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