11 year old baby

[Meal]

My husband and I are very concerned about the way our 11 year old acts when we are in public or when we have anyone over to our house.  He wants our undivided attention and will interupt constantly.  He also climbs on and under things in the stores runs around. He also makes up imanginary characters to talk to and is very defiant towards others, not us.  When I talk to him about the way he is behaving he tells me he is bored but he is embarresing me and my husband and we do not want to take him any where.  He has had so many problems in school that we have taken him out and I am now homeschooling him.  PLEASE HELP!

[tigerkat]

A related discussion, 11 year old girl out of Control was started.

[Meal]

Thank you for your help and I am going to continue to home school him for the time being and use the ideas you gave me.

[bre1]

Don't let anyone tell you that you need to put him into a "special class".  I teach in a fully inclusive school where everyone of the special needs children are in a regular classroom with thier learning is geared toward them.  Everyone can succeed in a regular class as long as they have the appropriate modifications and parallel activities.  It sounds to me like he needs a strict behavior modification program in school that is coordinated with you at home.  There are many kids that are very intelligent that have no social skills.  How to behave amoung company is a social skill.  How to behave appropriately when there are others around is a social skill.  If he is smart he knows that these negative behaviors are getting a positive response from you.  What I mean is that you may be angry with him, however that is still attention whether it be positive or negative.  Try working something out with him ahead of time.  For example, he does A and receives B.  Or He does A and is rewarded by B.  What ever that may be!  You and him should decided together.  He is old enough...  And make sure it is not a new car!  Start small.  There also had to be some very strict guidelines that if you have to write down.  The instant that he does not stick to his end of the deal there needs to be a consequence. This might be extra chores.  It might be going to his room or losing something of value to him.  He has to learn very strictly that there is a consequence for his actions and you can not stray from them.  Many behavior plans can be carried out between school and home if everyone works on the same team.  Including him!!!!!!!!!!  Hope this helps!!!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It is difficult when the school doesn't have a program that's a good fit. It sounds like he would need a class (small) for children who have normal IQ and normal learning capacity but whose behavior requires more structure than is available in the typical regular ed classroom.

[Meal]

The school system wanted to put him into special education as well but he is very smart and when I did as they ask he did not receive instruction at his level.  He is only having difficulty with his behavior and they treat him as though he were not intellegent.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Your son is displaying markedly immature behavior for a child his age. His social and emotional development are not at the level they should be, and he may display some hyperactivity as well. It would be very reasonable to arrange an evaluation with a mental health clinician in order to take a closer look at his functioning and to, at the very least, develop a sound management plan. Be sure at home that you do not cooperate with his interruptions. At the outset, describe your expectations, let him know that he will be sent to his room if he violates them, and then be sure to floow through if he does violate them. You might also consider re-evaluating your decision to remove your son from school. He likely will require some special education assistance, and you won't be fostering his overall development by schooling him at home.