Advice Needed... Please Help.

[Tashi863]

I'm expecting baby number 2. A little girl that I'm naming Jaslynn Chanel. My older child is 5 and is autistic and I tell him everyday that he'll be a big brother soon. I have 17 more weeks to go and I'm not sure if he even understands that I'm pregnant and that he has a little sister coming... It's a bunch of mixed emotions for me because he can't talk but he does understand certain things I say. How do I know for sure if he actually understands what's going on?

[specialmom]

Hi there.  I had a child right after my first one.  He was 15 months when I had my second.  I'm sure he didn't fully get it.  I never really worried about this.  I just did my best to shower my first with love and make him feel just as special when the second arrived.  

Here are some tips when the baby arrives.  Allow your 5 year old to kind of warm up on his own.  Don't make a huge huge deal out of it.  And buy a gift for him FROM the new baby.  

Is your autistic son verbal by the way?  High functioning autism?  I have a child with sensory integration disorder (which many autistic kids also have).  Does he do therapy?  Is he in your school system's intervention program?  

So, when you are nursing the baby, have a box of special toys that ONLY come out when you are feeding the baby for your 5 year old.  Then he will associate this time as a 'good thing for him' and be preoccupied during that time.  I had two boxes that I rotated and I'd put different things in it each day.  

Also, say to your new baby "okay baby, you will have to wait a minute, it's brother's turn and I'm helping brother now".  Do this in an exaggerated way and especially when baby is content (baby wont' care) but then when you have to tell your 5 year old he will have to wait, he will see that EVERYONE has to wait sometimes and he will get his turn to be taken care of while baby waits too.  (my pediatrician gave me that tip).  

good luck!

[Tashi863]

Hi! Your advice and tips are very helpful and I'll be sure to try them and see how well he copes with them. My son doesn't speak in full sentences yet he understands what is said to him and what he's told to do. He gets speech therapy and developmental help from school his school system and is currently enrolled in ESE Pre K. I feel better about taking time and allowing him to warm up to his new little sister. Thank you so much!

[zareenawifey]

I'm the same! 1st was a boy and this one is a girl :)

[zareenawifey]

You could involve him in the baby shopping and explain who you are buying the baby clothes for and that a baby is going to come. But you have a lot of time. I try to tell my son who is almost 2 and he just thinks I'm talking about now. Kids don't really understand time or patience. Try to tell him more towards your due date. :) you could also get kids books about havig a new baby. There are many :)

[Tashi863]

Awww...  That's awesome. I'm 23 weeks and I'm so excited. I can't wait to meet her.

[Tashi863]

Thank you so much... It's kind of frustrating. But I'm still very happy. I got my son and my daughter as I wanted.