This is long...forgive me...
Our 3 1/2 year old son started intense behavioral all day screaming/crying sessions at 17 months of age. I could not wear my hair up, things had to be just so, if something was moved he screamed/cried for hours (no embellishment) to the point that I video-taped the behavior to make a doctor listen to me. He was sent to a child psychologist who gave an informal diagnosis of possible Sensory Integration issues and possible attachment disorder. He was sent to the children's hospital for evaluation of Autism and Asperger's syndrome, including a complete medical. He has no formal diagnosis so we are left on our own to cope with his behavior issues and learn how to manage them.
I can now wear my hair up, however, his emotional meltdowns, although less frequent, are increasing in intensity. For example, he started saying "mommy smile" about 3 months ago, even when I was smiling at him and when I try to ask him why he wants me to smile all the time, he doesn't even listen to me and just repeats "mommy smile" to the point where he gets himself so worked up he spits up. He has no self-calming mechanism, even though I've even tried to teach him deep breathing and counting, hugging his favorite bunny or blanket, tried time-outs - they don't work for him - nothing does. I've tried hugging him nice and close to get him to calm down, to no avail. These are just a few of the many emotional challenges we deal with on a daily basis. He might go a week or a day or two weeks with having an 80% good day, but then the switch goes on, and he wakes up intensely upset and the rest of the day or week or two weeks, etc. are an emotionally charged battle-filled time. We even try to walk away and not react to these bizarre outbursts but they do nothing to alleviate the intensity.
On top of that, his behaviors are still very obsessive/compulsive (makes me repeat his sentences over and over until I say them just right - according to him). Heaven forbid if I get it wrong, he has a complete meltdown screaming mommy no, mommy no, then repeating what he wants me to say over and over and over and over. Our night time ritual is painful - I have to stand at the door and say good night, sweet dreams, see you in the morning, he repeats it, I repeat it, he repeats it, and so forth and it isn't until he finally rolls over and closes his eyes and smiles that I can leave. We are at the point where I try to get my husband to put him to bed every night saying "mommy has to go out with some ladies tonight so daddy's putting you to bed" because if he knows I'm in the house, he'll freak and cry even after my husband puts him to bed until I go and do the ritual.
What's so bizarre, is that these crazy behaviors (of which I've only listed very few), have no triggers. His moods are like a switch going on and off. Looking for answers to help us thru (his 22-mo. old brother is not and has never been like this).
Thoughts? Advice?