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Very Upset Six Year Old Girl
Our six year old daughter does very well in school and from what we see, socializes very well. She's very caring and plays very well 95% of the time, the other 5% being when she bickers with her younger brother. She likes playing board games and card games with all of us, and likes cuddling up on my lap at the end of the day to watch cartoons. But since she started first grade, we've been seeing the following behavior during the week:
Some days when she gets off the bus, she seems on the brink of misery. We think it's because she's weak from hunger. She gets upset easily, and is just miserable until she gets food in her. But when she eats dinner, she eats very well and quickly returns to her goofy/funny self.
Most days, it also seems like she gets miserable because nothing goes her way. And not in a demanding sense. But simple stuff, like her hair has a few knots, or her bracelet gets in the way of her writing, or - like this morning - her watch was either too loose or too tight.
At homework time, she "puts on the show" as we secretly call it. She'll softly whine and whimper about her lettering and erase minor mistakes furiously, and start the sentence over in misery. We try telling her she's doing great, but it doesn't seem to help her misery.
It's upsetting for me as a father because I can't figure out a way to identify any specific problems or comfort her. When I ask her why she's getting so upset, she says she doesn't know. This morning right before she got on the bus I asked her again what got her so upset this morning. She said nothing goes perfect for her. I gave her a big hug and talked to her a bit about how it's ok if things don't go perfectly.
To top it off, my wife has all 3 kids during the day, and the baby gets the lion's share of attention. My wife is also doing the best she can, but sometimes she has to yell out "ok, everyone go play downstairs" just to get a moment's peace. I heard her this morning loudly state "hrmpf, I can't take this whining anymore!" to my daughter. (She quickly apologized to her and tried to talk to her.)
We also learned last week that there's an older girl on the bus that's been berating her a bit, telling her to stop talking, that her hair is funny, etc.
I think it's all somewhat normal stressors for a six year old, but I'd like to know what I can do. My wife gets stressed very easily and doesn't hide it. I'm the opposite. I'm Mr. Spock when it comes to stress. Are we making it worse? Is our daughter not learning how to appropriately deal with stress? She's in the middle of a growth spurt. Since it looks like food perks her up late in the day, should we be thinking about forcing more food in her before she gets on the bus? (She's very skinny.)
Thanks in advance!
Some days when she gets off the bus, she seems on the brink of misery. We think it's because she's weak from hunger. She gets upset easily, and is just miserable until she gets food in her. But when she eats dinner, she eats very well and quickly returns to her goofy/funny self.
Most days, it also seems like she gets miserable because nothing goes her way. And not in a demanding sense. But simple stuff, like her hair has a few knots, or her bracelet gets in the way of her writing, or - like this morning - her watch was either too loose or too tight.
At homework time, she "puts on the show" as we secretly call it. She'll softly whine and whimper about her lettering and erase minor mistakes furiously, and start the sentence over in misery. We try telling her she's doing great, but it doesn't seem to help her misery.
It's upsetting for me as a father because I can't figure out a way to identify any specific problems or comfort her. When I ask her why she's getting so upset, she says she doesn't know. This morning right before she got on the bus I asked her again what got her so upset this morning. She said nothing goes perfect for her. I gave her a big hug and talked to her a bit about how it's ok if things don't go perfectly.
To top it off, my wife has all 3 kids during the day, and the baby gets the lion's share of attention. My wife is also doing the best she can, but sometimes she has to yell out "ok, everyone go play downstairs" just to get a moment's peace. I heard her this morning loudly state "hrmpf, I can't take this whining anymore!" to my daughter. (She quickly apologized to her and tried to talk to her.)
We also learned last week that there's an older girl on the bus that's been berating her a bit, telling her to stop talking, that her hair is funny, etc.
I think it's all somewhat normal stressors for a six year old, but I'd like to know what I can do. My wife gets stressed very easily and doesn't hide it. I'm the opposite. I'm Mr. Spock when it comes to stress. Are we making it worse? Is our daughter not learning how to appropriately deal with stress? She's in the middle of a growth spurt. Since it looks like food perks her up late in the day, should we be thinking about forcing more food in her before she gets on the bus? (She's very skinny.)
Thanks in advance!
A related discussion, Yelling at Dad was started.
I'm so glad I found this!
My 6-year-old daughter is having so many of these same issues. She is unbearably moody, even once getting furious at one of her younger (twin) sisters for saying "it's dark." Nothing ever goes right for her and she says everyone is mean to her. She is very particular about what she eats and especially at school. There are lots of foods that she will eat at home that she refuses to take in her lunch to school. She comes home pale and exhausted from not eating. She weighs 45 lbs, which seems to be an ok weight for her as she doesn't appear "thin," she just looks average. She also seems on the brink of misery frequently.
Socially, she has always been reseved, but she seemed to be outgrowing some of that. She just seems to have a lot of pressure on herself when it comes to school as far as social aspects go. Academically, she's fine.
All I know to do it love and support her and make as much time for her as I can. I would also love any advice on helping her boost her confidence.
My 6-year-old daughter is having so many of these same issues. She is unbearably moody, even once getting furious at one of her younger (twin) sisters for saying "it's dark." Nothing ever goes right for her and she says everyone is mean to her. She is very particular about what she eats and especially at school. There are lots of foods that she will eat at home that she refuses to take in her lunch to school. She comes home pale and exhausted from not eating. She weighs 45 lbs, which seems to be an ok weight for her as she doesn't appear "thin," she just looks average. She also seems on the brink of misery frequently.
Socially, she has always been reseved, but she seemed to be outgrowing some of that. She just seems to have a lot of pressure on herself when it comes to school as far as social aspects go. Academically, she's fine.
All I know to do it love and support her and make as much time for her as I can. I would also love any advice on helping her boost her confidence.
Well, I did a google search to see why my daughter (6 yrs old)has been kind of clingy lately...that search led me to this website and all of your posts.
What I noticed when reading all the posts was that my daughter has similarities to your stories. But more importantly, what was so blatantly obvious as the reader was that the problem with these kids (mine included) is simple. Not enough sleep, poor nutrition, and too much stress because of school. These are all anxiety provokers. So probably the best thing we can all do is pay more attention and give more love to our 6 year olds. It's easy to forget sometimes with their new yearnings for being independent that their still so fragile and need lots of love...even if they don't send out the vibes to us. They still need it. Curl up and read a book at bedtime with your child. Or really pay attention to their questions.....Or really be engaged in play with them instead of thinking about the 1000 other things you have to do while you are playing with them. And for gawd sakes pack them a lunch!! These cafeteria lunches are ****!
Be interested; really interested in your kids. Before you know it they'll be packing their things to move out, and we'll all wonder how they grew up so fast and we'll all wish we had just 5 more minutes to play, but this time it's our grown up child that won't have time for us.
Good luck everybody!
What I noticed when reading all the posts was that my daughter has similarities to your stories. But more importantly, what was so blatantly obvious as the reader was that the problem with these kids (mine included) is simple. Not enough sleep, poor nutrition, and too much stress because of school. These are all anxiety provokers. So probably the best thing we can all do is pay more attention and give more love to our 6 year olds. It's easy to forget sometimes with their new yearnings for being independent that their still so fragile and need lots of love...even if they don't send out the vibes to us. They still need it. Curl up and read a book at bedtime with your child. Or really pay attention to their questions.....Or really be engaged in play with them instead of thinking about the 1000 other things you have to do while you are playing with them. And for gawd sakes pack them a lunch!! These cafeteria lunches are ****!
Be interested; really interested in your kids. Before you know it they'll be packing their things to move out, and we'll all wonder how they grew up so fast and we'll all wish we had just 5 more minutes to play, but this time it's our grown up child that won't have time for us.
Good luck everybody!
wow. i have pratically the same situation with my 6 year old daughter, only child.
very thin (35lbs!), very picky eater, has decided that she wont or cant eat lunch at school so eats nothing all day until she comes home. she is STARVING at that point and pretty much eats until bedtime. she is anxious about riding the bus, recess, and going to her friends houses, and feels like she doenst really have any friends, altho she does and other moms have told me how much their children like her. she is academically advanced. my husband and i have just recently decided that we think she needs to mature socially---that is where her anxiety is coming from, we think. she is a young first grader, having only turned 6 in august and has always been challenged somewhat socially. fortunately, we have a great neighborhood and so kids have been 'patient' with her awkwardness and outbursts.
she has always experienced constipation, and i just had her to see a G.I. specialist hoping that might give us an answer as to why she has difficulty eating in school. again, now we are beginning to think it is her social ineptness causing anxiety and no appetite in school.
does anyone have any ideas for helping an otherwise healthy and developmentally solid child advance with her social skills and confidence??
very thin (35lbs!), very picky eater, has decided that she wont or cant eat lunch at school so eats nothing all day until she comes home. she is STARVING at that point and pretty much eats until bedtime. she is anxious about riding the bus, recess, and going to her friends houses, and feels like she doenst really have any friends, altho she does and other moms have told me how much their children like her. she is academically advanced. my husband and i have just recently decided that we think she needs to mature socially---that is where her anxiety is coming from, we think. she is a young first grader, having only turned 6 in august and has always been challenged somewhat socially. fortunately, we have a great neighborhood and so kids have been 'patient' with her awkwardness and outbursts.
she has always experienced constipation, and i just had her to see a G.I. specialist hoping that might give us an answer as to why she has difficulty eating in school. again, now we are beginning to think it is her social ineptness causing anxiety and no appetite in school.
does anyone have any ideas for helping an otherwise healthy and developmentally solid child advance with her social skills and confidence??
I also have a 6 year old that can be very testy at homework time , dinner time and before leaving for school, she is very moody!!! My main concern is her horrible eating habbits!! She will not eat meat, chicken , fruit or veggies. Breads and pasta, pizza and soup are her daily meals, and she just takes small bites. Chips, brownies and cookies are her snacks, she is very skinny and weighs about 47lbs. I am terrified with her unhealthy eating habits. I make her special meals seperate from what the rest of the family is having and if I don't she will not eat at all and goes to bed hungry.Any advice would be great, her Doctor told me she is fine and healthy, but I am very worried..........
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
For the most part, it sounds like your daughter is experiencing the normal ups and downs of a six-year-old. They are quite depleted at the end of a school day, and children are more vulnerable when they are tired and hungry. It's one of the reasons why a snack after school is helpful. Your daughter may be displaying somewhat of a perfectionistic streak as well, and you'll have to monitor this a bit because it might indicate early signs of a developing obessive-compulsive condition. For now there's no need of any professional intervention. Reassurance and support can go a long way. It's absoultely necessary to maintain equanimity in the face of her behavior - it's not like she's acting 'badly'. For some parents (e.g., you) this comes easier than it does with other parents (e.g., her mother). So her mother will have to work on this and control her responses. It's not helpful to act out her exasperation.
Just a thought, but have you taken her to the pediatrician to rule out any GI diseases that might lead to malabsorption/hunger/lack of weight gain? Kids who aren't feeling well often are a bit fragile behavior wise.
From my own experience with kids is that they can become irritable when their tummies are hungry, and that their mood turns around after a meal or some food. Also, the demands of going to school puts them under some stress, especially going all day, and makes them tired. My kids adjusted with time, and I pack them a few snacks to boost them up.
She was always in the low percentile in weight. She did just get over being sick for two days, however. I didn't think about that. And she is gaining weight, according to my wife. Maybe she's exhausted? She is very active. Not enough fuel in the tank? This morning she poo-pooed breakfast for over an hour, and ended up having just a glass of milk and half a bowl of rice crispies. She ate pretty well last night, but not a whole lot of protein.
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