Aa
Unsure...
I found out a few days ago I am pregnant. I have a 20 month old son with Down's syndrome and my partner does not even want to think about having another baby. I'm unsure if I want an abortion. I do want to give my son all the time he needs to help him as much as possible. But I really don't like the idea of aborting this baby I'm carrying. As I miss carried before and losing one baby alreadbdestroyed me when it happened. And I do want more children just not yet. But in worried if I do go ahead with it that I will resent my partner. I'm so stupid to even be n this situation but I want to do what's best by my son. Any help or opinions are welcome. I haven't told anyone yet either as I'm embarrassed im in this position of even considering a termination.
Well where should I start we decided to keep the baby but yesterday I started bleeding. I spoke with the midwife and I'm booked in for an early scan so will have to wait until next week. but things are not looking good as I'm still bleeding and it's not getting lighter nor heavier. But at least I will know for sure what's going on I'm quite gutted tbh but such is life hopefully as I have had no cramps or clots its from somewhere else.
Thanks guys it just feels so unreal. I have an appointment with my midwife Wednesday so will unload on her I guess but I'm leaning towards keeping it as I went on Google I know that's the worst thing to do but as soon as I typed abortion the top hit was abortion regret. I will talk to my stepmum next week as she is so helpful and understanding and last time I told my mum I was pregnant she told my whole family before I was ready. Partner seems to have calmed down about it and it's not awkward to bring up to talk about atm. Once again thank you so much. Really helps talking to some one. I will write out the pros and cons and see where I am then xxx
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. Wow, such a touch position to be in. I can understand exactly where you are at. My son has a developmental delay, diagnosed in his toddler years. It's required so much of my time, energy and money. Therapy and early intervention are so key. Your little guy is not yet two which is a very busy time regardless of the downs or not.
This is a very personal decision of which no one else will know what is right for you. Very hard to abort especially when you are such a loving and caring mama that would do that in order to make sure you'd give adequate time and attention to your firstborn. I am sure that would be hard for you. But you also sound realistic. So, you need to weigh everything out.
My suggestion is to take pencil to paper and make a list for each option. It doesn't sound like you are considering adoption as your partner doesn't know and that would be an obstacle. And I agree, I think it is hard for a woman in a relationship to carry a baby to put up for adoption. People ask. It's hard to have privacy with that decision. But I do feel adoption can be a wonderful thing. Dear friend of mine was adopted and so thankful for the opportunity her birth mama gave her.
But if that is not an option, the others to consider are indeed abortion or keeping the baby. I would write out what both of those look like. Do a pro's and con's list for each. But remember, that doesn't take into consideration of what your heart tells you.
Abortion is the right decision for some women. Keeping the baby is right for others. Do you have lots of help? That could make a difference in this. I also think you are going to have to talk to your partner. If you do abort, that could be such a secret to hold that it becomes overwhelming.
I'm here if you need any help. Peace and hugs
This is a very personal decision of which no one else will know what is right for you. Very hard to abort especially when you are such a loving and caring mama that would do that in order to make sure you'd give adequate time and attention to your firstborn. I am sure that would be hard for you. But you also sound realistic. So, you need to weigh everything out.
My suggestion is to take pencil to paper and make a list for each option. It doesn't sound like you are considering adoption as your partner doesn't know and that would be an obstacle. And I agree, I think it is hard for a woman in a relationship to carry a baby to put up for adoption. People ask. It's hard to have privacy with that decision. But I do feel adoption can be a wonderful thing. Dear friend of mine was adopted and so thankful for the opportunity her birth mama gave her.
But if that is not an option, the others to consider are indeed abortion or keeping the baby. I would write out what both of those look like. Do a pro's and con's list for each. But remember, that doesn't take into consideration of what your heart tells you.
Abortion is the right decision for some women. Keeping the baby is right for others. Do you have lots of help? That could make a difference in this. I also think you are going to have to talk to your partner. If you do abort, that could be such a secret to hold that it becomes overwhelming.
I'm here if you need any help. Peace and hugs
You have so much weight on your shoulders right now and it seems to me that you're carrying it all by yourself. You need some help, Sweetie, someone to lean on.
The first thing I'd like to see you do is to stop calling yourself "stupid" for being pregnant. It takes two to tango, as they say, and accidents DO happen. Do not put all of that weight on your shoulders, too.
The best advice I can give you, the advice I would give my own daughter, would be to find a good therapist to help sort out all these issues, to get to a "clear place" where you can make the best decisions for you and your son and to get on the same page with your partner.
You definitely have some very difficult decisions to make and at least one of them needs to be made as soon as possible.
Talk with your OB/GYN or midwife about finding a good therapist. I am very partial to ARNP's with psychiatric training. It's been my personal experience that they are much less rigid in their approach and are much easier to connect with on a personal level.
The decision you are facing can ONLY be made by you, and you must believe it is the right decision for you and your family. It does not matter what anybody else outside of that circle of people thinks. It is YOUR business, your life, your family........not theirs.
Please talk to your care provider as soon as possible............you gotta put down some of this weight.
Let us know if we can help you in any other way.
Be strong and know you're not alone.
Warmly
RubyWitch
The first thing I'd like to see you do is to stop calling yourself "stupid" for being pregnant. It takes two to tango, as they say, and accidents DO happen. Do not put all of that weight on your shoulders, too.
The best advice I can give you, the advice I would give my own daughter, would be to find a good therapist to help sort out all these issues, to get to a "clear place" where you can make the best decisions for you and your son and to get on the same page with your partner.
You definitely have some very difficult decisions to make and at least one of them needs to be made as soon as possible.
Talk with your OB/GYN or midwife about finding a good therapist. I am very partial to ARNP's with psychiatric training. It's been my personal experience that they are much less rigid in their approach and are much easier to connect with on a personal level.
The decision you are facing can ONLY be made by you, and you must believe it is the right decision for you and your family. It does not matter what anybody else outside of that circle of people thinks. It is YOUR business, your life, your family........not theirs.
Please talk to your care provider as soon as possible............you gotta put down some of this weight.
Let us know if we can help you in any other way.
Be strong and know you're not alone.
Warmly
RubyWitch
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