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Avatar universal

Stay or go? I'm even thinking of leaving everything behind

I started dating a guy about a year and a half ago. Took me on dates, made me feel wanted. Was great with affection until I caught him talking to his ex and 2 other girls he engaged sexual activities with. I at the time didn't care much because it was at the beginning of our relationship. It went down hill from there. Kept finding out lies of other girls and somehow got pregnant. (Later he confessed to trapping me) while I was pregnant he hit me threw me around and verbally abused me. I noticed in the night he was always using the bathroom every time I got up. I left a recorder one day while I left to pick up the kids. Sounds like he turned on the water put the coffee pot on and just sounds of banging and him saying I'm about to come. Atleast it what I hear. He Denys it even when I play it he says it was him washing something in the sink. We move to another state and at this point he noticed that I was recording. I got up to my recorder stopped and turned back on by him so he can act like my iPhone cut off and started recording magically on it own when he was up. I changed the password and didn't notify him and that night I recorded. We were staying with friends and when I listen to the recordings he gets up and you hear a door open then you hear mosning and again water running in the back to drown noises out. When I confronted him he again hit me. Said I was crazy. We have a 5 month old daughter, which I had carried on a few occasions that he's beat me. I have 4 kids of my own that hear the yelling and him cussing me out. If I leave he says he'll come after me and because that's his daughter he'll do anything to take her away and make my life a living hell. I'm now homeless because of all these issues and he's still following me everywhere I go so I have to go along with we are together... Tired just tired. He yells at me out side , cops even warned him one time he slapped a drink out of my hand and a by stander called them because he head butted me and left me on the ground. I was too scared to fess up to it because he was there. What now? I'm too weak and on drugs to cope with everything. None of which affect me being an awesome mom for the past 16 yrs
4 Responses
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3060903 tn?1398565123
I'm afraid you are unaware of the damage you are doing to your children, both by living with an abusive man and being a drug addict. You can save yourself and save your children. Children will become what they live. They won't be able to cope in a normal world, only be abusive or be abused. No child deserves this. My mother was not physically abusive, but i hate her more than my abusive father, because she could have left, before i ever had a memory of the abuse. Instead, 4 out of 4 of her children were all but destroyed from the abuse we had to witness and became victim to. PLEASE, get help and get your kids out of there. You don't have the luxury of throwing away your life for a guy, you are a Mother. You can rebound from this, with therapy (to figure out why you subjected yourself and kids to a mad man, in order to not repeat the action). You can get ;your children therapy because they have witnessed the abuse, and will be grossly affected by it (i'm afraid you are in denial about your kids being looked after properly). They can still think of you as their hero, BUT ONLY IF YOU TAKE ACTION.

If you stay, there's a possibility that your joint birth child will end up being like him, and respecting the abuser more so than the victim, and you will have lost them. It will be your fault, and there is no greater pain as a mother than to know this type of regret. (i know as i was a drug addict when my son was younger).

Please have faith that if you reach out for loving help, you will receive it.

and Please, let us know what you're thinking about the advice you've been given. .
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I have been in your exact position and I want u to know how sorry I am, there is nothing worse then abuse from the person a women trusts most to protect her. The most important thing right now is the safety of u and your babies. Immediately call rose advocates or whatever abuse service your state uses. Build yourself up a support network; any family or friends that will stand beside and behind u because u have to go to war now and it's time to build up your army. U are fighting for your right to live and your children's right to feel safe within their own home. Usually the rose advocates or similar programs can get u out of their as early as tonight if they feel u are in immediate danger, and it sounds to me like u are. If they are not an option for u right now, call your poster or Bishop and explain the situation and ask for help. If u aren't a church member... Now might be a good time to start but many churches will help u even if u aren't a member of their faith. I know that the Las church or Catholics have both helped Wenonah in your situation regardless of the abused own religious background. If u have no way of getting away from him right now... Then start hiding money. As much as u can as often as u can without him knowing and start planning your escape. Most importantly... I know the drugs help u get threw the days and survive the unbearable amount of emotional pain u are in right now.... But they area huge part of why u can't escape. They are distorting your mind and thinking abilities and making u more susceptible to him control. If u aren't already addicted, I beg u to stop using them immediately so u can better take charge of this situation and get u and your babies to safety. If u are addicted, please take only enough to keep u from withdrawal and worry about cleaning up when your family is safe. My drug use never kept me from caring for my babies either, but I now I am 10 times the mom without them. U can survive this but u have to be strong and utilize every service and asset available to u. If there is anything else I can do to help u my email addresses ***@**** and I'd be happy to help in anyway that I can. I will pray for u and hope that u find your path.

Stuffy82
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Leave him now. Tell people about his threats. Don't leave a trail. He will end up killing you.
Helpful - 0
134578 tn?1693250592
You have to get to a woman's shelter like right away.  
Helpful - 0
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