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pregnant, cheated on and impregnated his ex

Please help me get out of a very emotionally abusive and hurtful relationship with the father of my unborn baby, who has cheated and impregnated his ex too, emotionally and physically abused me, sweared at me a million times and has even left me at his place to go and sleep with his ex for two days please I love him but I'm ready to leave this horrible relationship but I just don't know how to. Please help me before I lose my self.
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Thank you so much, I won't lie I really love him and I'm in so much pain some days I can't get out of bed over this but I'm ready to get out of this relationship for my baby and me and raise my baby, I don't want to fall for his ways to make me come back to him because I know he will hurt me again, I don't want to be with him anymore.
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3060903 tn?1398565123
Everyone is tested in their lives it seems, with atrocities of all measure. You and I are no exception. Welcome to Medhelp and thank you for posting. Your insight into your circumstances is valuable to many women in your position. Your strength is showing through, although i know right now, you are broken and i'm so sorry for that.

Do you have family that you can stay with during your pregnancy (that are helpful and not harmful to you and the baby) ? > there is absolutely no good that can come from walking out of one disaster into another.

Do you have any supportive friends, currently, because as i say a lot, never say never, if it hasn't happened for you, it just hasn't happened for you yet.

There are a number of options for you. You've said this... " he's emotionally and physically abused me, sweared at me a million times " This means that he's dangerous to you, and to your baby. You must try to stop him from having visitation until he's attended drug alcohol abuse (if that's why he's so unstable) and/or Anger Management classes. Your number one priority must be to protect your baby and only have them around trustworthy people. People that are competent caregivers.

If it was me, and he had assaulted me recently, i would go to the police and charge him and get a restraining order. I would do this from a trusted friends place, or a women's shelter that he hopefully cannot find. You had a baby with an unstable man and now you have to take responsibility for the fact that you put yourself and baby at risk, and do everything you can now , to do so. (or your baby will resent you, and perhaps be marred by your decision).

When you start to feel bad about charging him, or at the very least getting a restraining order, think again about the fact that this guy, if he wants help to become a parent that deserves a child, can and will do whatever it takes to regain partial custody (the ideal IF both parents are responsible.)

If money is a problem, as it is in many cases, while you're at the women's shelter, they will help you to get welfare, enough for first and last, You can go to school on a loan and become able to provide for your child if you need to. If you are financially stable and have already gotten a post secondary education, obviously you're ahead of the game and you can disregard the above.

You may or may not have come from an abusive home yourself, as many women do come from co dependent homes (a reason why you might not want to go home to your folks), or may not have. If you have, you may need counseling to avoid being attracted to another abusive relationship. This is REALLY important. (trust one that has gone from bad to worse, with men, before getting therapy myself . Fortunately i ended up with a very well adjusted, calm, centered family man). You too can find the right guy for you, but you need to be stable yourself. First things first. Have you worked in the past?

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perhaps be marred by your decision).

?@#???!! Sorry... Your baby WILL BE MARRED BY THE DECISION YOU MAKE IF you allow this man in their lives before they are genuinely rehabilitated. ( Again, I've been there. I was an addict that needed a lot of work, lost custody of my son, fought my way back, got a lawyer, rehab(s) cuz it took more than one. A parent WILL and CAN go to any lengths.)

And if you start to feel bad, (and you will) that you would be responsible for taking this guy out of your child's life as he is now, without rehabilitation, please think again. At ANY TIME, he could get help for himself, but first he must admit that he has a problem. If he WON"T do that for his child, he'll be no good for them anyway, and by no good, i mean he'll do more harm, than good.

Whereas you, if you keep yourself busy doing what you should, will one day be in the position (as i did) to attract a valuable man of ethics that will attend to your child as a father should. (as what happened to my son who loves his step dad immensely.) In fact, often is the case that a newlywed step father will adopt a women's child if the father doesn't show up (PROPERLY) for their child.

LOT"S lot's of options for you to have a GREAT LIFE great life !!!! PLEASE please BELIEVE believe , PLEASE please, have FAITH faith..

I'm here to talk anytime and will send you a friend request should you want to talk privately here through the "messages" feature of Medhelp.

Glad you reached out. This should be the best time of your life, You just have to get to the place where you can exhale and enjoy the life growing inside of you. THEY deserve your loyalty and respect, not this unfortunate sick man who may or may not admit he has a problem, may or may not Ever be trustworthy. YOU NEED TO TEACH YOUR CHILD WELL AND SHOW HIM ALL THE GOOD PEOPLE  IN THE WORLD (not have them live like pawns in an abusive household, as I and maybe you have).

Honestly, whether you are religious or not, it might be a good place to start to join a Church full of believers that we are on this planet together to be good and kind to each other.  It would be a good memory for the two of you.
I'm here anytime you need advice, or to lend an ear. Don't feel you are alone, You're not !!! Many of us have gone through what you are going through . Operative work here, GONE, in other words, the instability is not forever. You can create a great life, have great friends, a wonderful stable career. Anything that you reach out for, will be there for you. It is not reaching out that people get stuck and sucked down. BUT you DID reach out. You're starting on your way to getting through the bad stuff and getting to a peaceful life. Whom better than your beautiful child to walk beside you? Never feel your alone, If you get lonely, put your hand out on you tummy, and dream of the your little girl or boy graduating middle school, high school, college or university (or both like my son, 28 and still going for degrees, lol). Think about what type of life you want for yourself and them while they grow up. Envision , meditate, a positive outcome and it will be yours for the taking.

You're worth the work it will take to have your best life, Your baby is worth the work it will take to have your best life.
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