Playing "house" as a kid

[whatamidoingrn]

GRAPHIC DETAILS. warning


So let me start with this.. I usually smoke before I sleep. Last night I was very high, paranoid and emotional. I don't know why, it has never been like this.
I went to go masturbate as usual. As I was, I suddenly stopped and was overcome by my childhood memories.
As a kid, I used to play house, when I was 6-9 years old with all my female friends. I would always be the "dad", we would always be kissing and such and "having sex" (kissing for more than 2 minutes.) Usually, i was the initiator, but we were just kids and didn't know any better. It would happen a lot. I remember at a different friends house, her sister was 2 years older than us, and her and her female friend along with me and my friend basically all were kissing and grinding and dancing and sleeping naked. For some reason, my childhood was very sexual.
Now i remember one incident that was the root of my anxiety last night. I had a neighbor a year younger than me that I would always kiss and stuff. one night specifically we got naked and laid in bed until the babysitter called us for dinner. I don't remember if i had touched her inappropriately but i do remember telling her we were playing house and married and thats what people did. I think we just laid there.
My anxiety was:
1.why did i act like this as a kid?
2. i wonder if she still thinks about it like i did? can i possibly remember everything that happened?
3. could it have ruined her life?
I don't remember.

As a kid I started watching pornography at a very young age, always lesbian. I was so scared of being gay. One night I cried for hours with one of my "house" playing friends, we were scared our parents would find out. Now at 20, i havent really been with girls just primarly men, ive had sex, boyfriends etc.  I havent even thought about that since last night.
I just wanna know perhaps why i acted like that as a child. Pedophilia, rape, etc makes me DISGUSTED. I was raped by a man at 16 and it still changed my life for he worst.. Idk where this came from .My oldest sister is gay, but i know she would never hurt me in any type of way. Can someone help me out

[Nighthawk61]

I'm really sorry to hear that you were raped at 16 and are feeling regrets of having  highly sexually charged relationships at a very young age. I think this is coming to you now, because it's your time to talk it out with a therapist. While i appreciate that you are concerned about your friend's condition, it's important that you look after yourself first and foremost. after all that is something that you can control., and i think that being in control right now is something that you need. Smoking weed can be a depressant so maybe try to not smoke if it makes you overly emotional right now. until you're feeling better.

[Problem21xoxo]

Your childhood sounds almost exactly like mine... only my sister 4 years older than me in some ways molested me.

I can't say for sure if she initiated it completely or if it was mutual. But we would play house together and be married and kiss and get naked. It stopped after a couple times I think, but we were both so young. I was probably 3 or 4 and her 7-8. Later in life found out our babysitter which happened to be our male cousin (late teens) molested her when she was probably about my age 3/4/5 and then our girl babysitter from down the street (a teen) would make her perform oral sex on her throughout the years she babysat. I think my sister took the brunt of it because I really don't remember anyone else doing anything to me. But as I got a little older 6 7 8 9 10... I would participate in sexual activities with my girl friends. My bestfriend in 1st grade would kiss and lay on eachother naked, another friend told me what sex was and same with her.
And then another girl and I would act like moms and dads in her play house which happened to be a furnished garage, looking back I don't know why we were allowed so much time alone considering her family was strictly religious Mormons. The older I got, around 9 or 10, I started feeling really guilty. I remember Christina Aguileras song beautiful came out and had some lgbt stuff in it and I prayed I wasn't a lesbian. It ruined my Christmas and decided the only way I could come clean was to tell my mom what my friend and I were doing in the garage at her house. I balled my eyes out because I knew it was wrong but I enjoyed it. I too wonder why I was so sexual as a child. Because now as an adult I have issues with hugging people, especially family and being sexually free with the man I've been with for years. At times I loosen up but most of the time I feel dirty for truly exhibiting enjoyment. I can't have orgasms without a vibrator by myself either. But what's weird is my teen years I was very promiscuous, not because I enjoyed it but because I wanted the boys to want me and I gave it up too quickly. I lost my virginity at 12 because I was blacked out drunk and a boy I liked went from fingering me to taking my virginity, I was so out of it i didn't know what was happening just that I thought his fingers were hurting me so bad. Around 18 I had a house party and did a keg stand to which I fell face first into the rim and knocked myself out, a neighbor broke into mine and my roommates house after everyone was gone and I layed in my bed with blood all over me from busting my nose. I woke up the next morning to a condom on the floor next to my bed and had no clue what or who took me while I was out. I guess now that I'm older I think I'm trying to make sense of all of it because it's alot. I wish i would let go of it and be normal. A part of me also knows I might be bi sexual but I know that's not the full problem. You're not alone. I guess the guilty feeling we get as kids never really goes away, we block it out and it creeps up years down the road.

[specialmom]

Hello.  Playing house is pretty normal.  Acting out things mom and dad did also can be normal even if a bit sexual.  Sounds like this went a bit too far though.  The main concern is that perhaps your friend was molested as a child and then acted it out on you or that you were and acted it out on her.  But in general, even young girls can feel sexual pleasure and while 'Playing' feel that and be motivated to do it more.  Parents weren't supervising ---  but had no idea this was going on.  (makes you realize that we DO need to keep tabs on our kids).  Child upon child molestation occurs---  this is hard though as you were both willing partners and it was innocent in terms of the circumstances.  You can see a therapist to explore further. But I'd try to move on as well.  Let it go.  It might be something your friend remembers, doesn't remember or blocks out.  Sorry it happened all together.  You do seem hyper sexualized at a young age.  Not sure why.  Again, you can explore with a therapist.  How is your sex life now? Would you describe it as normal?  Or are you doing things that are risky?