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Was it abuse if so what should I do?

I'm turning 15 in a few weeks and the past few months I've been remembering bits from when I was 7 to about 11. I had a friend and I'd go to her house she was the same age as me and she would touch my vagina. I remember telling her to stop that I didn't want her to do it. She threatened me saying that if I told anyone that she would do it to my other best friend. I didn't tell anyone about it at all, I don't know if it happened to my other friend too. The girl that was hurting me moved away but the other friend who it could have happened to goes to my current school. I don't know what to do. I've been considering telling my form teacher about it but I don't even know how to start a conversation like that. Was it even abuse? I feel like I let her do it. If I reported it to the police could they do anything since it was so long ago and I have no evidence. The other friend isn't even my friend anymore because we just drifted apart so I don't know what to do with regards to her. Should I tell a teacher about all of it and see if they could speak to her? Should I write an anonymous note and put it in her locker saying that she is not alone and that it happened to me I case it did happen to her?
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3060903 tn?1398565123
I do think you should talk to a counselor. I think it will help you find some closure. and by closure, i mean understanding that it was not your fault, that many kids at that age might think that , what turned out to be abuse, is a normal part of growing up and having their world change including sex. There is evidence even for young girls that sex is a big part of life, and so it's not that odd that a young girl might think "well this is what it's all about". I think since you've brought it up here that it might be time for you to think about talking to the counselor. It might also shed some light for the counselor to know of these events, and maybe there is something that can be done about it now. I don't know. They would. It is most important that you do learn how to protect yourself moving forward, from all predators, and there will be young men and maybe women that you meet in the future that are sexual predators masked by their age and the fact that they are hormonal. Young men are not monitored and taught how to treat a young lady in many cases. Their imperative is to act on their hormones. You are at the age where you need to have a list of qualities in both boys and girls in order that you are safe and it is worth your time and this is a huge part of being healthy and safe into maturity. i think a counselor would be your BEST bet. Please let us know how you're doing? We care. Liz
Helpful - 1
4 Comments
ps. YES THIS ABSOLUTELY WAS ABUSE.  NOT ONLY SEXUAL ABUSE, IT WAS ALSO THREATENING HARM TO ANOTHER. and because of that, i think the girl in question should be named and you should reveal this to a counselor and the law. Talk to the counselor and see what she says. If this girl is still a minor her parent's should be told about what their daughter is doing. It would ONLY be helping her for you to EXPOSE her at this point.
I think you need to talk to your mom about this, and have you both go to the Police Department. What happened will not likely lead to charges, however, it might save a whole bunch of other young ladies, and possibly boys. This girl is probably currently doing the same thing to other girls in school her own age, and she also may be abusing her cousins, and they may be much younger. Her parents need to be to watch their daughter's behavior. She needs to be told in no uncertain manner that abusing and harming a person, with threats to another's way of life is ILLEGAL BIG TIME. She needs to learn it now that she cannot simply go on and continue doing what she is doing. I agree that to a certain extent childhood fondling happens , but that's not saying that it should happen and parents and adults should be aware and keep their kids safe from it. These incidents went to a whole new level of intent when this girl threatened your friend and had you think that you probably had to continue all those years so your friend wouldn't be hurt. I'm sure that in your mind you may have thought that if it was not you doing this with her, she would move on to your best friend. That would make sense for a 7 - 11 year old girl that was being threatened and abused.  The fact that you were threatened with harm to another if you tell (or stop) turns this almost into rape in my opinion.  Seriously, this girl needs to be STOPPED.

PLEASE DO NOT FEEL ASHAMED OF WHAT HAPPENED. you were coerced in the worst way with the threat of the same happening to your friend. YOU have nothing to be ashamed, and you are not the only one. Maybe there is a group counseling session for kids that have been abused. It helps to be around people that have experienced the same things we have survived.

I'm here to talk about this, no matter what you choose to do. I'm really hoping that you can trust your mother with this information. Please let us know.

PS in case you are using your real name, medhelp can change that for you. You should be using a "USER" name that you make up , for anonymity.  I know I mentioned most of what i've said here in a private message, but just in case another young person reads this, and they need reminding NOT to use their real name, then it's all good. (even if you've made up the name).

blessing to you girl, you're in my thoughts and prayers truly.

Liz
PS In fact, not only should you not be ashamed, you should be proud that you would do what you thought you had to , to SAVE YOUR BEST FRIEND. In my books, also misled and i wish it didn't happen, you are a HERO FOR DOING WHAT YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD TO DO, TO TRY TO SAVE YOUR FRIEND THE SAME FATE.

YOU'RE A VERY SPECIAL YOUNG LADY, AND IT WOULD BE MY HONOUR IF YOU WOULD ACCEPT MY FRIEND REQUEST.
oops ... although misled (not also)
13167 tn?1327194124
Laura, I think it's best for you now to move on,  and take this as a powerful lesson.  You are entering young womanhood and you will need the skills of being able to stand up for yourself and assert your rights.  

You didn't do that with your friend,  and in fact,  kept returning to her home,  even though you weren't welcoming of her advances.

You're so young right now,  and need to develop those social skills that make others know you won't be taken advantage of.  

I suggest you select certain girls that you're acquainted with who have pleasing personalities but whom no one would take advantage of,  and follow their example.  Watch what they do and emulate that.  

Best wishes.  
Helpful - 1
134578 tn?1693250592
I guess in your shoes, I would perhaps seek to talk to a counselor.  I think some touching that happens among kids is playful or harmless and other kinds of touching is harmful, perhaps a counselor could help you sort this out.

I do not think you being more or less passive (in that you didn't hit her or run away or scream) is pretty par for the course, a child doesn't know what it really happening to her and doesn't know she is even allowed to have a reaction. You didn't "let her do it" with full knowledge.  Plus, she coupled the action with threats, making it more frightening.  You were the victim and certainly did not collude.  The counselor might also be able to help you decide whether to reach out to the other girl.
Helpful - 1
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