Is it the parents fault?

[purple1234567]

Whenever we hear of a young person committing a serious crime, such as the school shooting in Florida- our gut reaction is to find out the reason for why- we want to stop it from happening again, and we want an explanation for why it even happened in the first place.  

Unfortunately, the question of "why" can quickly turn to blame shifting- and everyone has their opinions.  One place blame can tend to rest is on the parents.  

Do you feel that "bad parenting" or "parenting mistakes" can sometimes be to blame in these kinds of situations?  Do you think we should blame the parents more or less when things like this happen?  Have you ever had anyone accuse you of being a bad parent?  How did it make you feel?  

[specialmom]

Since this is an opinion only question, there is no right or wrong answer and I don't mean to contradict anyone with my opinion.  I do not think blame can be put on parents in a simple way.  Most parents are muddling through doing the best they can.  Unfortunately, they don't make parents take class and pass it in order to conceive a child.  :>)  And it's very true that really awesome parents, perfect parents (as close as you get) have children that make wrong choices.  Drugs, not taking school seriously, etc.  And other really pitiful parents that have awesomely spectacular kids.  No matter the background, some things just take over with our kids.

Mental health for one.  We can't control the brain chemistry of our kids and if they suffer mental health issues, that often leads to such situations as these school shootings.  That's a hard position to be in as a parent.  And I can say this as a mom myself, when you are faced with your child's challenges, it's very difficult to always know exactly what to do.  You seek help.  You think you HAVE helped.  Then the disaster happens.  This is like blaming a parent if a child commits suicide.  NO parent wants this.  And if they believed their child was a threat to themselves and others, I would imagine all would act.  But parents love their kids and sometimes it is hard to see clearly. And we are afraid for them and the consequences.  I'd love better understanding of mental health and less stigma surrounding it so that people would not fear treatment.  Taking medication is not a bad thing as mental health is an illness like any other and yet so many really fight the idea of that for themselves and their kids.  Anyway, I digress. Mental health is complicated.  And I feel for any parent that is trying to help their kids with that.  

I have two sons that are getting older, in the middle school years now.   I have done the best I can with parenting decisions and am sure I've made mistakes (many) along the way.  I don't for a minute ever say "not my child" or "my child would never" because kids from 'good' families can have serious issues too.  Add in a few things like drugs or alcohol (which statistics show that often an over controlling parent causes the rebellion that leads a child to try more things than the child who had more opportunity to make choices for themselves under parental guidance to where they grow independent thinking from their parents) and all bets are off.  Finding the balance of structure and boundaries while allowing my kids to explore who they are and be independent thinkers is something I strive for. It's hard because I really do want to tell them what to do all the time. ha  Anyway, so many kids are put in daycare from infancy on these days that parents spend fewer and fewer hours with them.  Are kids untethered because of this?

So, perhaps parenting could be a factor in someone who commits such horrible acts.  But it would be one factor and probably not fair to unilaterally lay blame on parenting.  Crisis kids have a lot going on.  And parents really are often trying their best with whatever personal limitations they may have.

Still hoping for peace on earth.  

[insertcoffee]

As a parent, my opinion is that parenting is definitely a factor, if not THE factor, in a lot of young people’s bad choices. One of my friends with two kids made a joke the other day about how her son is “a lost cause” when it comes to mischievous behavior, and even though she was trying to be funny, I had to reassure her that she CAN do something about it. Whenever I hear of a terrible action done by someone young, it only inspires me more to make sure my kids grow up with the support they need to succeed. I’m not an expert on parenting (obviously) but that’s just my take on the issue.