What caused my BPD? (I can’t remember anything)

[Jonaloren]

So when was 9 I was bullied for being too fat, or weird, or ugly and I was always talked about and had no friends at all. I then decided to tell my mom that my vagina hurts so we would go to the hospital at night and hopefully stay there for so long that I wouldn’t have to go to school, after about 2 trips to the hospital a social worker came in to talk to me and although I never ever remember being molested or raped by anybody I lied and said that my dads roommate did it because I thought I was in to deep and couldn’t back out of the lie. After that for the next 2 years of my life it was multiple appointments and court dates and stress for everyone all because I Started this stupid lie, I then between those time started to feel suicidal also and have been depressed and suicidal for 3 years now. I cant remember much bad from my childhood other than being whooped when I was bad and I don’t recall being mentally or sexually abused. But for the past 2 years my mom has hated my dad and the roommate( that’s been kicked out) and every time I have an outburst or my depression kicks in or my bpd kicks in she always blames it on that lie, so I wonder sometime really what started to make me even so angry and suicidal since I don’t recall ever being  sexually abused what could it be? Someone help me please I’ve been wondering and I need to know why I am this way.

[safetydave720]

Generally speaking BPD is more of an organic brain issue as opposed to something you did wrong or can just up and fix. Professional counselling is the very first place to start. If you cannot afford counselling, ask your medical practitioner for a referral. If that doesn't work, try your county Social Services.