Aa
Am I normal??
I dont know if I am normal anymore.....I spent what seemed like a lifetime (a couple years) being abused sexually by a boy in the neighborhood. I told my mother and she said I asked for it and wanted it to happen.....Fast forward years & years later I was walking home from work one night about 2am through a park (short cut) and was raped by several males they took turns holding me down and forcing themselves any place they could fit. Making me do the unthinkable to them while 2 or 3 others pounded the hell out of my vagina and anus the harder I fought the rougher they were on me.....I cant have normal sex now because the rough sex did something to me making me want it like that again.....please give me some advice I'm so scared to tell anyone that I know for fear they will tell me I wanted it like my mother did all those years ago.....
That is horrible that no one, the police, really helped you. Just because you had some things such a long time ago? That is so not fair!!
"Normal" is pretty relative term. What some people find normal, others might not. The basic thing here is: Your mother did irreparable damage to the way you see others and the way you think. She also might have ruined your self esteem. Being gang raped was IN NO WAY your fault. Only cause you want to experience rough sex now, doesn't mean you wanted it then.
I think all women who blame their children for being abused are worst scum on the earth and don't deserve any kind of praise or affection.
As for your fantasies, it is pretty common occurrence. Women desire rough sex. Some research say that rape is also not so uncommon fantasy among women. The trauma you had suffered yourself is huge, and I would like to know whether you had professional help or not. The way the brain works is pretty misterious, it might be that your brain tried to find ways to cope during the act to lessen the physical and psychological trauma then, or it might be that you want to relive the situation of that night but this time with YOU being in charge. Rape is rarely about sex, it is mostly about having power and in control over someone else. In that moment you had control taken away from you so you want to relieve it but this time YOU having the control. Or it might be you trying to retaliate. I can toss around this layman opinions all day, but the state of the fact is: seek a therapist, talk to them. They will never say it was your fault, and it isn't.
It would help a lot if you described your state of mind then. Were you terrified, were you in pain, how long? Did you report the crime to the police. Do you know those men, or would you be able to recognize them? If you haven't reported this it has left unresolved issues that you need to adress as a rape survivor, don't try to wait for it to go away. It won't.
I think all women who blame their children for being abused are worst scum on the earth and don't deserve any kind of praise or affection.
As for your fantasies, it is pretty common occurrence. Women desire rough sex. Some research say that rape is also not so uncommon fantasy among women. The trauma you had suffered yourself is huge, and I would like to know whether you had professional help or not. The way the brain works is pretty misterious, it might be that your brain tried to find ways to cope during the act to lessen the physical and psychological trauma then, or it might be that you want to relive the situation of that night but this time with YOU being in charge. Rape is rarely about sex, it is mostly about having power and in control over someone else. In that moment you had control taken away from you so you want to relieve it but this time YOU having the control. Or it might be you trying to retaliate. I can toss around this layman opinions all day, but the state of the fact is: seek a therapist, talk to them. They will never say it was your fault, and it isn't.
It would help a lot if you described your state of mind then. Were you terrified, were you in pain, how long? Did you report the crime to the police. Do you know those men, or would you be able to recognize them? If you haven't reported this it has left unresolved issues that you need to adress as a rape survivor, don't try to wait for it to go away. It won't.
1 Comments
Yes I reported it but the police did nothing. Well if you dont know who it was then we cant do anything is exactly what they said! I have a criminal past from about 30yrs ago they hold against me....and anyone else in this town whos ever gotten into trouble. Thank you for your answer!! It helps to know someone is on my side saying I didn't deserve it!
Normal is a difficult word. Given the circumstances that you suffered, I would say your feelings are within a normal range. What you endured was savage, cruel, and awful. I am so sorry for all you have been through. What you have reported above is rape. If your mother states that you asked for it, please understand that her response is not only hurtful, but it is very inaccurate. I'm sure you love your mother, which makes the dynamics of what happened all the more tragic. No one asks to be raped by the very definition of rape. Your mother's comments may reflect her own traumas. Being able to verbalize what happened to you is the first step in getting help. Please seek the advice of a trusted mental health professional, pastoral care, or even a rape crisis center. They can go into more depth with helping you sort out the trauma, any post traumatic stress, and work with you regarding your sexual feelings and any fantasies you have now. I think you have several very distinct issues that require the help of a professional. With that being said, please do not feel ashamed by your desires. Our brains are all wired differently, and when you have suffered abuse it is common for different triggers to bring about pain and also pleasure. Hugs to you for speaking up! One last point: your name, GoodGirlDidWrong. YOU DID NO WRONG. You are still a good person. Remember that please!
In my opinion u are still normal. What happened to u in that park wasn't your fault and I know u didn't want it. But I think u should tell somebody because maybe they can help u your not alone there are thousands of people who get raped and what your mother said to u back then I highly doubt someone would say to u now because I believe your mother was in disbelief that her little girl had got raped by a boy in the neighborhood. It might have been hard for her to accept the fact that something really bad happened to u hope u get help
-Zaria Manuel
-Zaria Manuel
In my opinion u are still normal. What happened to u in that park wasn't your fault and I know u didn't want it. But I think u should tell somebody because maybe they can help u your not alone there are thousands of people who get raped and what your mother said to u back then I highly doubt someone would say to u now because I believe your mother was in disbelief that her little girl had got raped by a boy in the neighborhood. It might have been hard for her to accept the fact that something really bad happened to u hope u get help
-Zaria Manuel
-Zaria Manuel
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