Help. How do I forgive myself?

[Cantforgivemyself]

1. I am a guy... When I was 7 I was sexually abused by a family friend (girl) that was around 10 or 12. I thought that it was okay so at age 8 or 9 I started to do the same thing. Two people (boy and girl) in particular I know I touch inappropiately. I was 9 and they were 4 and 5. I dont mean to be disgusting but we would "play doctor". Never any penetration but I did kiss there privates before while we played. This continued until I was 12.

I am 22 turning 23 soon and I feel absolutley disgusting about it. I told both of the people sorry when i was 13 and that what i did was not right, but i still feel that they hate me and i hate myself.

I often tell my girlfriend i need to go to jail. I feel absolutely disgusting. How do i forgive myself?

[TruthLady]

A lot of children do this kind of experimenting that can actually be identified as molestation. If you need help to get over this then you need actual professional help. Find a therapist and open up to them. At least give some consolation to yourself that you haven't hurt them physically, and it might even help if you talked to them if they are still in your life. See if they feel abused, if they remember it as negative experience or if they remember it at all.
Children start generation sexual thoughts as early as age 4. They try to experiment with it at very young age (not all of them). So what happened to you here is pretty common occurrence, don't beat up yourself too much about it, but also don't postpone seeing a therapist.