I was sexually abused by my brother, what do I do?

[Mira_lee17]

When I was around 6 or 7 years old, my brother had locked me in my room and wouldn’t let me leave until I let him see my breasts. I kept telling him no and he kept making deals with me saying he wasn’t going to touch them and that it only had to be for a second. I finally got tired of saying no so I said fine but only for a second. I then lifted up my shirt and he grabbed onto me, pulling me to him and started feeling me up. I told him to leave and then I started crying. After that, I was in my parents room playing with him and he pushed me onto the bed and tried to finger me. I had a dress on so it was easier for him to do it and when I jumped up, he asked if I liked it. Obviously I said no, but it didn’t stop there. He would constantly touch me and feel me up and I never told. He would tell me to pretend I was his girlfriend and then want me to give him a handjob or let him do something to me. This had made me not feel comfortable with myself and I have a low self esteem. I’ve also gotten into a serious relationship recently and he wants to go further and so do I, but the first time he touched my boob, I started crying because it made me remember what happened with my brother. It doesn’t bother me when my boyfriend touches me like that anymore but like I said, he wants to go further and I’m terrified. I don’t want to feel like I have no control over my body or that I’m being forced into something that I’m not ready for. At such a young age, my innocence was taken away from me by someone I was supposed to be able to trust. Now I can’t even enjoy myself with my partner without feeling like it’s going to happen again. I can’t trust men anymore. I told my brother about what he did to me but he said he didn’t remember and said he was sorry but I honestly don’t believe him. Like how could something that he did hurt me SO MUCH and him not even remember it happening. I just want him to feel as hurt as I do but I also want to be able to do things with my partner without having to think about all of this. I need advice. What do I do? I want to be able to enjoy myself with my boyfriend.

[Petrice123]

You have to tell someone you can trust. Your carrying around something that isn't your fault and you shouldn't have to deal with it alone. You should tell your boyfriend so he can understand and maybe go slow with you and help you through it. You should tell your parents because it's partly their responsibility and they would want to know and you need to stay away from your brother. You could report him but i understand if you don't. Hope this helps.  

[specialmom]

This sounds like a perfect therapy moment.  What happens in our past does not define us!  A therapist will help you sort through your memories, anger, left over feelings, and current life and how your past is impacting it.  It's really the only way I can see for you to move forward.  So, would you consider therapy?

[Mira_lee17]

I’m actually already in therapy. Just feel like I have to keep some parts of the story secret so I always feel like I’m not getting it all out like I NEED to.

[Nighthawk61]

Sorry about the pain you're feeling regarding your brother taking advantage of you Mira_lee - i'm glad that you're in therapy, but you (know) you really need to trust the process and open up == the next therapy appointment would be best. Let them know that you've been holding back and please do what you need to do, be completely open and allow someone to help you.