innapropriate intrusive thoughts

[renny108]

so i’m a 14 year old girl and i’ve recently been depressed because of intrusive thoughts. i think of everyone in a sexual way and this includes my family. i cant even be around them without thinking about it and it’s ruining me. i know i don’t actually want to **** my family but these thoughts won’t leave my brain. and i had a couple incidents with my brother. he is severely autistic so he’s not responsive to these things mostly. like 4 or 5 years ago i didn’t know what a ball sack felt like??? so i just touched his, the whole thing only lasted like 5 seconds. the second is one i feel very guilty for. i had previously watched porn and knew i was into grinding, one day when no one was in the room i just sat on my brothers lap and grinded on him. i feel like **** just writing this. it didn’t do anything for me and it lasted legit like 2 seconds then i just got off. i was tempted to try again but i held myself back, plus my mom came in. this was 2-3 years ago. i also previously had dreams of performing sexual acts with family members. i feel horrible since i took advantage of his disability. idk what to do but i feel like ****, these thoughts and the guilt i have are controlling my life. this probably isn’t the right forum to post this to but here we go. i just don’t know where to go from here, help

[specialmom]

Ya, that's not right to grind on your autistic brother.  You know that.  We are not animals. Hormones maybe strong but we still need to have control of ourselves.  Sometimes in the early teen years, hormones come crashing in and you have to really not totally be ruled by them.  This is like a pregnant woman thinking she can scream at everyone because of hormones or a menopausal women always being angry at her family.  Hormones affect us this way and it is our job to be the boss of the hormones. You need to be the boss.  One thing that might help you is get more busy. I have a 14 year old son and it is such an odd age.  Still kid but not really.  Some get jobs but not many and it seems many have an abundance of free time on their hands in the summer.  Luckily my son is into sports and has had practice the entire summer for his fall sport every day and he's also about to start band camp.  When you have to think about other things, sexual intrusive thoughts are much less than a problem.  I would not think that you have OCD/obsessive compulsive disorder and wouldn't try to self diagnose yourself as that.  Lots of kids your age really do have inappropriate thoughts, etc.  Especially if you are already watching porn.  yikes.  Is school about to start?  That might slow this down too.  If you do have sexual urges toward your brother that you can't control, you need to tell your parents.  That's abuse towards him.