Anxiety and paranoia leading to irrational thoughts?

[Andioop]

I’ve gone to get blood drawn twice to test my health. The results come back as fine, but for some reason my mind doesn’t believe it. I work up theories such as “I didn’t see her draw the blood so it’s possible she didn’t and will instead replace it with somebody else’s blood” which when I share it sounds ridiculous but for some reason when I’m alone makes total sense. There would be no reason for a licensed phlebotomist to do anything besides wait until the blood is drawn and move on with her day as normal I assume.

[Paxiled]

Anything happen recently to make you feel so insecure about your life?

[Andioop]

Well I don’t know if insecure is the correct word but in February I had an emergency surgery to adjust a twisted ovary and remove a Fallopian tube. It was kind of hard for me just because of the thoughts I had while recovering. I was scared my ovary was gonna die while twisted and I wouldn’t be able to have kids which really made me realize how fragile life is and how mortal I am. To make matters worse around that time my bf at the time broke up with me and I see him living his life happily with a new girl and I don’t know why but when I think about that, it intensifies the feeling that I can’t be fully healthy like I don’t deserve it almost while he’s happy. I don’t understand the thought process fully but I just push the idea that maybe the phlebotomist used somebody else’s blood instead of mine because I have difficulty drawing blood so she’d get frustrated because of how busy the blood draw center would be and decide to pass over me. Even though I know it makes no sense logically because she’d be risking her job and license and possibly jail for altering test results on purpose like that when it’d be easier to just wait on the blood to come out. And probably nobody else without a paranoia like mine would even come up with that possibility.

[AnxiousNoMore]

They are unrelated events so perhaps the problem is to figure that out, accept that they are unrelated , and stop associating them.  You already figured out that it makes no sense for her to not do the job right. Step 2 is to stop dwelling on the idea that you are fated to have bad medical experiences, because your last post makes it seem as if you are doing that just so you can think about the departed boyfriend - but no one can diagnose from here so I just offered a guess.

[Paxiled]

Sounds like you went through a lot.  That might just explain it.  I think therapy would be very helpful for you right now.  By the way, breakups are just nuts.  They're always nuts, especially for the one who gets broken up with.  Most recover with time, some don't, but it always affects our self-esteem.  Most get it back with time, but sometimes it helps to work it out.  Best of luck.

[Andioop]

I think so too. It was a toxic relationship too so it did really tear me down. I think for now I have to fully come to terms that there would be no reason for the phlebotomist to tamper with my blood or another patients when she most likely waited and finished the draw or for the lab to falsify my results. I think my biggest fear is accepting that I’m ok and feeling happy and then finding out that there was a mistake and I’m actually not. Which is something I need to work on. Thank you all for your help I really appreciate it.

[AnxiousNoMore]

If this has only happened twice, perhaps your issue is minor and a friend can help you through it. But if you don't have any friend to talk this over with, then it is something you should discuss with your doc and a therapist to see if it can be resolved. Or maybe see a psychiatrist to see what he thinks. No one here can diagnose you from here, because you need some one on one discussion with a professional.