Aa
Did this sound like hocd?
Whenever I’m in lockdown I get so anxious over being or become lesbian or bi! I’ve always identified as straight. Always liked boys always wanted to be with boys. I’ve got an amazing boyfriend now. Yet when I get this anxiety I have thoughts like “ just come out” or “imagine having sex with a woman” I hate these thoughts I don’t get a thrill from them I get anxiety I feel sick, I just wanna know what to do if I can even do anything to stop these thoughts! Anyone with any advice please, I beg just help.
The question isn't what you "identify" as, the question is, what do you do? And the answer is, you get involved with men, not women. So that's your answer. As to why you're thinking like this, something triggered it somewhere and because you suffer from anxiety you let the thought become an obsession. HOCD is just a label, but the problem is anxiety and the phobia we all have about being gay because for centuries being gay has been considered a sin. Wasn't always like that, and it's changing again so it's now more accepted, but there's still the stigma of historical discrimination. You have a bias against being gay, as does almost everyone in the last few hundred years of western civilization. Actions tell you what your sexuality is. Anxiety and insecurity make you obsess over something that if it were true would be no big deal. And it doesn't appear to be true. We have lots of thoughts, and this is just one of them, but when thoughts bother you this much it's an anxiety or insecurity problem. Therapy can help with this. Meditation can help. Looking at the thoughts and laughing at them can help. Anything that demystifies them helps. Now, if you are gay, again, so what? But clearly so far you aren't and so you aren't likely to be. If you were gay you wouldn't like your boyfriend all that much and wouldn't be attracted to him. Are you bi? Who knows? Again, doesn't sound like it, but also again, if you are, so what? So just focus on the fact this bothers you, not the content, because if you do decide you want to have sex with women, that's okay. But really, that's not who you seem to be.
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The thing is I’m just scared more of having the thoughts and the anxiety of all of this again I think that’s why I’m becoming anxious. I don’t care if people are gay bi that’s up to them I would never judge anyone. But that’s not what I want at all, I’ve always wanted a boyfriend. I’ve got an amazing on. I don’t know why my thoughts want to try and say otherwise
Your thoughts don't want anything. You don't feel like it right now but you're in control of how you interpret your thoughts. The definition of an anxiety problem is the thoughts get the better of us. Nobody knows why this happens, but again, we all have thoughts. Your problem in an anxiety problem and you might want to work on that. Your problem isn't that you get thoughts. And it doesn't matter a whit that you are accepting of others being gay, if the thought of being gay is that upsetting to you it's a bias and we all have it in modern times. Otherwise it wouldn't bother you. That's why it bothers you so much. And it helps to see that if it helps you to stop worrying about it, as your actions are not those of a gay person. All the best.
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