Should I be worried about STDs or HIV?

[Trumbi]

I (F) had a sexual encounter with a male last night. Before the encounter he told me he was clean and on PrEP, but did not show me any proof. I asked again after if I should be getting tested for anything and he said no. The head of his penis was rubbing on my hole for an extended period of time. Protection was used during penetration EXCEPT for one time he entered me without protection which lasted less than a minute as I stopped it as soon as I realized. He would touch his penis then finger me multiple times during the encounter. There were a few times he put the condom on backwards, then just flipped it around and still used it. Should I be enquiring about PEP? How long should I wait to get tested? Is this as big of a deal as I am making it out to be?

[auntiejessi]

Fingering is not a risk for any STI or HIV.

When you say "an extended period of time" - what does that mean? A minute? 5 minutes? 10?

Penetration that lasts less than a minute can, in theory, transmit STIs and HIV, but isn't likely to.

Flipping the condom around after putting it on wrong is more of a concern for pregnancy - in theory - than STIs or HIV.

I'm a little concerned that he's on PrEP. That would indicate he has high risk behaviors. Did you ask him why he's on that?

Also, saying he's "clean" - which is a stigmatized word and implies that people with STIs are dirty - means nothing if he hasn't tested to know he's actually infection free. Being on PrEP is good, and means he might be tested regularly, but again, we don't know that.

I'd guess that your chances are low, but I don't know for sure.

[Trumbi]

By extended amount of time I would guess around 10 minutes. I cannot get pregnant, so thank you for the information about flipping a condom. I didn’t ask him why he was on PrEP, but he did tell me that he also has sex with men. Thank you for telling me about the stigma around “clean.” Will not use that in the future. I went to a clinic and opted not to start PEP due to the low risk according to the doctor. Scheduled an appointment to be tested for most things in 3 weeks.

[Gazsmithster]

Well done on deciding on getting tested. It is always good to do this regularly. Like AJ said, the fact he is on PrEP and indicted to you that he has sex with men would indicate that he has sex without protection (which is did with you before you stopped him).

The actual penetration part of less than a minute which is low for the transmission of STIs. The rubbing for 10 mins could pose a risk, but less than insertion.

I agree that PEP probably wouldn't be needed here but 3 weeks is a little short of the window period. Here are the times:

Chlamydia - 2 weeks
Gonorrhoea - 2 weeks
HIV - 4 weeks
Syphilis - 6 weeks.

It is worth noting that Syphilis is uncommon in most developed countries (though does seem to be on the risk in the UK ever so slightly) and is seem on more gay/bi males than females.

I think the fact is, although the risk was low, it is not 0% so worth getting checked out - even just to put your mind at rest :)

[auntiejessi]

Absolutely agree with this. Since he has unprotected sex with men, it will be worth following through on the testing, including syphilis. I think the risk is low, but worth it to get checked to be sure.

[Trumbi]

Thank you both so much for all the information. I called up the clinic and changed my appointment to 4 weeks from now. I also will get tested in 3 months to be sure and for things that have a longer window period. I've been working out my anxiety surrounding this with a therapist and truly believe I'll be OK :)

[auntiejessi]

"I've been working out my anxiety surrounding this with a therapist"

I'm really happy to hear this. :)

I'm glad we were able to help. Let us know how it all turns out.