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STI risk concern through sexual activity (more to foreplay, not penetrative sex)
Hi, could someone please help answer my concern.
I met up with a guy I recently had been getting to know. At the end of our night we went to his. During this time he did try and initiate sex but I wasn’t trying to as I’ve only recently met him and been on a couple dates.
His penis would have touched near my vagina - when he was attempting to have sex, but I would quickly repositioned myself and moved his penis away to ensure it never entered.
At some moments he would kiss my clitoris and had licked it once - literally about a few seconds if that. It’s clear he wasn’t trying to perform oral sex on me but the brief contact happened.
There was a couple moments where I had been on top and rubbed my clitoris area and some part of my vagina lips along his dick (the shaft area mostly) Again a couple minutes a time max. As when he would attempt to move his penis towards my vagina opening I’ll move away.
On the odd occasion his finger would enter my vagina but again I’ll move his hand and pull it out. There was no consistent fingering that took place during this night.
Ended up grinding a bit on his stomach/ groin area - a few minutes too. He later came through masturbating himself and the cum did go along my ass area. I had been grinding on him and his penis was pointing upwards.
So just to be clear. No penetrative sex took place where his penis went into my vagina.
I am quite on top of sexual health probably for anxiety reasons too. So I did not sleep with him purely because I don’t know his status or past sexual health screen history. So that’s why I was trying to block it when I could, but of course times still flirting and doing a bit of foreplay.
I since spoke to him about this, and he appeared understanding. He then claims his last sexual health screen was February 2023 and supposedly was all clear.
My main concern now is whether I could have contracted an STI from this encounter?
Especially after searching online. Information points that rubbing genitals together etc can cause STI. Especially HPV or syphillis being the concern here. We were in the dark so I’ll be honest and say I didn’t observe his penis to see if anything was on it. Hoping there was not. I am a 30 year old female. Don’t have the most active sex life either and I wouldn’t have assumed this could have happened until the research, now I’m very worried.
I hope this question is clear. Apologies for the excessive details.
I met up with a guy I recently had been getting to know. At the end of our night we went to his. During this time he did try and initiate sex but I wasn’t trying to as I’ve only recently met him and been on a couple dates.
His penis would have touched near my vagina - when he was attempting to have sex, but I would quickly repositioned myself and moved his penis away to ensure it never entered.
At some moments he would kiss my clitoris and had licked it once - literally about a few seconds if that. It’s clear he wasn’t trying to perform oral sex on me but the brief contact happened.
There was a couple moments where I had been on top and rubbed my clitoris area and some part of my vagina lips along his dick (the shaft area mostly) Again a couple minutes a time max. As when he would attempt to move his penis towards my vagina opening I’ll move away.
On the odd occasion his finger would enter my vagina but again I’ll move his hand and pull it out. There was no consistent fingering that took place during this night.
Ended up grinding a bit on his stomach/ groin area - a few minutes too. He later came through masturbating himself and the cum did go along my ass area. I had been grinding on him and his penis was pointing upwards.
So just to be clear. No penetrative sex took place where his penis went into my vagina.
I am quite on top of sexual health probably for anxiety reasons too. So I did not sleep with him purely because I don’t know his status or past sexual health screen history. So that’s why I was trying to block it when I could, but of course times still flirting and doing a bit of foreplay.
I since spoke to him about this, and he appeared understanding. He then claims his last sexual health screen was February 2023 and supposedly was all clear.
My main concern now is whether I could have contracted an STI from this encounter?
Especially after searching online. Information points that rubbing genitals together etc can cause STI. Especially HPV or syphillis being the concern here. We were in the dark so I’ll be honest and say I didn’t observe his penis to see if anything was on it. Hoping there was not. I am a 30 year old female. Don’t have the most active sex life either and I wouldn’t have assumed this could have happened until the research, now I’m very worried.
I hope this question is clear. Apologies for the excessive details.
COMMUNITY LEADER
So yes, syphilis, HPV and herpes can be transmitted by rubbing unclothed genitals together. They do take friction, usually the kind associated with intercourse.
Have you been vaccinated for HPV? It won't treat or prevent an infection you already have, but if you have, it will significantly reduce your chances of getting an infection from this encounter.
There is no test for men for HPV, unfortunately. The only test for women is done in conjunction with the pap smear.
Syphilis is uncommon in most developed countries - the US, UK, Canada, countries in Europe, etc. I wouldn't worry too much about this.
You can test for syphilis at 6 weeks if you feel a need to.
Herpes is trickier, since many countries don't like to do the blood testing, and to be fair, they aren't all that accurate. The hsv1 IgG blood test misses 30% of infections, the hsv2 IgG blood test misses 8%, and has a fair number of false positives.
It's easy to get a blood test in the US, but not easy in Canada, the UK, Europe, etc.
Since this is a new relationship, it's reasonable for both of you to test before any other sexual activity takes place. You can ask for hsv testing, but don't be surprised if it isn't offered if you aren't in the US - and even some doctors/clinics in the US don't like doing them.
He says he tested in Feb. He could have had partners since then, or had partners very close to that testing that wouldn't appear on those test. He can test again if he wants to be intimate with you.
Take a breath. Your chances are probably low. Since you mentioned health anxiety, have you ever talked to anyone about that? Maybe now is a good time. There are great treatments for it.
Have you been vaccinated for HPV? It won't treat or prevent an infection you already have, but if you have, it will significantly reduce your chances of getting an infection from this encounter.
There is no test for men for HPV, unfortunately. The only test for women is done in conjunction with the pap smear.
Syphilis is uncommon in most developed countries - the US, UK, Canada, countries in Europe, etc. I wouldn't worry too much about this.
You can test for syphilis at 6 weeks if you feel a need to.
Herpes is trickier, since many countries don't like to do the blood testing, and to be fair, they aren't all that accurate. The hsv1 IgG blood test misses 30% of infections, the hsv2 IgG blood test misses 8%, and has a fair number of false positives.
It's easy to get a blood test in the US, but not easy in Canada, the UK, Europe, etc.
Since this is a new relationship, it's reasonable for both of you to test before any other sexual activity takes place. You can ask for hsv testing, but don't be surprised if it isn't offered if you aren't in the US - and even some doctors/clinics in the US don't like doing them.
He says he tested in Feb. He could have had partners since then, or had partners very close to that testing that wouldn't appear on those test. He can test again if he wants to be intimate with you.
Take a breath. Your chances are probably low. Since you mentioned health anxiety, have you ever talked to anyone about that? Maybe now is a good time. There are great treatments for it.
6 Comments
Hi Jessie,
Thank you for your response. Yes the main concern for me at this time is Syphillis or HPV (just due to finding out the risk of transmission from the activity we done). Yes I am currently in the UK, so I hope the concern for syphillis is not high or for me to have to worry about.
With HPV I don’t have much knowledge on and yes I guess it’s hard as males may not know due to the lack of testing. I had my routine PAP smear around 8 months ago and it was clear of HPV. Honestly before conversations of HPV was happening of late I don’t think this encounter would have sparked up this concern for me. I have not had a vaccination as here in the UK it’s only advised up to age 25/26. Anyone older its assumed you’ve been exposed to some sort of HPV by then. However I’m sure private places do, it’s just not something I’ve looked into due to it not coming to mind.
I definitely would be opting for a whole sexual screen with him as I usually would with males I date. I just assumed avoiding penetrative sex can help avoid risk. Of course discussing topics like herpes and syphillis etc prior.
Not sure if you can answer this, but is it common for people to contract HPV just by a couple minutes or rubbing. As in maybe 2 short periodic episodes?
I know it’s possible. I just wonder whether the risk is just as high as if I were to have actually slept with him through penetrative sex or even through full oral sex. You’d assume these things are a little less of a concern. Anything sexual now a days seems like it imposes large threats.
Yes, interestingly I am a therapist. So I’m very aware of health anxiety. I definitely am preventing any reassurance seeking behaviours and fixated on worry. I guess I’m more curious for information. As I was not aware and the internet doesn’t seem to be the most consistent with information regarding I guess the type of encounter I had. Hope this makes sense.
Thank you for your response. Yes the main concern for me at this time is Syphillis or HPV (just due to finding out the risk of transmission from the activity we done). Yes I am currently in the UK, so I hope the concern for syphillis is not high or for me to have to worry about.
With HPV I don’t have much knowledge on and yes I guess it’s hard as males may not know due to the lack of testing. I had my routine PAP smear around 8 months ago and it was clear of HPV. Honestly before conversations of HPV was happening of late I don’t think this encounter would have sparked up this concern for me. I have not had a vaccination as here in the UK it’s only advised up to age 25/26. Anyone older its assumed you’ve been exposed to some sort of HPV by then. However I’m sure private places do, it’s just not something I’ve looked into due to it not coming to mind.
I definitely would be opting for a whole sexual screen with him as I usually would with males I date. I just assumed avoiding penetrative sex can help avoid risk. Of course discussing topics like herpes and syphillis etc prior.
Not sure if you can answer this, but is it common for people to contract HPV just by a couple minutes or rubbing. As in maybe 2 short periodic episodes?
I know it’s possible. I just wonder whether the risk is just as high as if I were to have actually slept with him through penetrative sex or even through full oral sex. You’d assume these things are a little less of a concern. Anything sexual now a days seems like it imposes large threats.
Yes, interestingly I am a therapist. So I’m very aware of health anxiety. I definitely am preventing any reassurance seeking behaviours and fixated on worry. I guess I’m more curious for information. As I was not aware and the internet doesn’t seem to be the most consistent with information regarding I guess the type of encounter I had. Hope this makes sense.
Yes, in the UK, in 2021 (the most recent year I could find stats for), there were 7,056 cases of syphilis. In comparison, there were 159,448 new cases of chlamydia.
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/syphilis-quarterly-data-for-england/syphilis-in-england-2019-to-2021
https://www.gov.uk/government/statistics/sexually-transmitted-infections-stis-annual-data-tables/sexually-transmitted-infections-and-screening-for-chlamydia-in-england-2021-report
(These were only for England - I don't know if that is where you live, or if you live in a different UK area.)
The population of England alone is 56,536,000.
(If you want some comparison - the US had 1,644,416 new cases of chlamydia in 2021 - https://www.cdc.gov/std/statistics/2021/default.htm)
HPV isn't tracked by either country, but is very common everywhere.
Whether or not you had a real risk with the rubbing depends on how vigorous the rubbing was. Two minutes is possible, yes, if the rubbing had enough friction. Again, usually it's the kind of friction associated with intercourse.
The risk is not nearly as high as if you'd had penetrative sex. Oral sex is considered lower risk than vaginal, and rubbing is lower risk than that.
As you well know, reassurance seeking behaviors can cause spiraling. Be careful to not let that happen. I'm sure you know coping skills and grounding techniques - you probably give them to your clients all the time. Use them yourself if you need to.
The internet is a dangerous place, especially with STI info. Many sites say things are risks only to cover their butts, and it might only be a theoretical risk, or because they assume everyone has something. They don't take into account, for example, that most people don't have syphilis or HIV.
If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't test except to test with your new partner. I don't see any reason to rush in panicked asking your doctor for a presumptive pap and HPV test in a few months or anything.
And the thought about most people by 30 having been exposed is correct - it's estimated that 90% of us will have HPV at least once in our lifetimes. Most experts consider it an inevitability.
Hang in there, and take care of you.
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/syphilis-quarterly-data-for-england/syphilis-in-england-2019-to-2021
https://www.gov.uk/government/statistics/sexually-transmitted-infections-stis-annual-data-tables/sexually-transmitted-infections-and-screening-for-chlamydia-in-england-2021-report
(These were only for England - I don't know if that is where you live, or if you live in a different UK area.)
The population of England alone is 56,536,000.
(If you want some comparison - the US had 1,644,416 new cases of chlamydia in 2021 - https://www.cdc.gov/std/statistics/2021/default.htm)
HPV isn't tracked by either country, but is very common everywhere.
Whether or not you had a real risk with the rubbing depends on how vigorous the rubbing was. Two minutes is possible, yes, if the rubbing had enough friction. Again, usually it's the kind of friction associated with intercourse.
The risk is not nearly as high as if you'd had penetrative sex. Oral sex is considered lower risk than vaginal, and rubbing is lower risk than that.
As you well know, reassurance seeking behaviors can cause spiraling. Be careful to not let that happen. I'm sure you know coping skills and grounding techniques - you probably give them to your clients all the time. Use them yourself if you need to.
The internet is a dangerous place, especially with STI info. Many sites say things are risks only to cover their butts, and it might only be a theoretical risk, or because they assume everyone has something. They don't take into account, for example, that most people don't have syphilis or HIV.
If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't test except to test with your new partner. I don't see any reason to rush in panicked asking your doctor for a presumptive pap and HPV test in a few months or anything.
And the thought about most people by 30 having been exposed is correct - it's estimated that 90% of us will have HPV at least once in our lifetimes. Most experts consider it an inevitability.
Hang in there, and take care of you.
Hey Jessie,
Thanks again! Looking at those statistics surprised me. I’ll try and not threat about syphillis in that case.
I’ve read a few times on here that friction is a key factor for infection. I honestly wouldn’t be able to detail the level of friction used. I’m really hoping the rubbing wasn’t vigorous and hopefully there wasn’t enough genital contact for potential infection of HPV and syphillis during the encounter.
Really hoping this case of rubbing was low in risk for transmission, especially as it was the first time with this male. I’d definitely be avoiding it in future. Scary to think this is a possibility, but also disappointed in myself that I was unaware. What I’m thinking isn’t a cause of concern really is.
Ok, so you don’t reckon there’s a great need for me to be worried about testing because of this encounter?
Ideally whenever I’m due to test with a long term partner will be ok instead?
Note: I got screened in January and all clear. Haven’t had any encounters like this since.
Most definitely, we always say this. Therapist need therapy too and must remember to utilise the same tools and techniques we advise others to use. I needed that reminder. Anxiety really can overtake your mood at times. It has impacted mine since all this reading about this.
Thank you!
Thanks again! Looking at those statistics surprised me. I’ll try and not threat about syphillis in that case.
I’ve read a few times on here that friction is a key factor for infection. I honestly wouldn’t be able to detail the level of friction used. I’m really hoping the rubbing wasn’t vigorous and hopefully there wasn’t enough genital contact for potential infection of HPV and syphillis during the encounter.
Really hoping this case of rubbing was low in risk for transmission, especially as it was the first time with this male. I’d definitely be avoiding it in future. Scary to think this is a possibility, but also disappointed in myself that I was unaware. What I’m thinking isn’t a cause of concern really is.
Ok, so you don’t reckon there’s a great need for me to be worried about testing because of this encounter?
Ideally whenever I’m due to test with a long term partner will be ok instead?
Note: I got screened in January and all clear. Haven’t had any encounters like this since.
Most definitely, we always say this. Therapist need therapy too and must remember to utilise the same tools and techniques we advise others to use. I needed that reminder. Anxiety really can overtake your mood at times. It has impacted mine since all this reading about this.
Thank you!
"Ok, so you don’t reckon there’s a great need for me to be worried about testing because of this encounter?"
If it were me, I wouldn't test.
"Ideally whenever I’m due to test with a long term partner will be ok instead?"
Yes, this is fine. If you and this current partner end up being in a relationship, you can test. If not, waiting until you find your next relationship is fine, too.
Stats often help settle me, too, when I'm anxious about something. STI educators and the media love headlines like, "Syphilis rates explode from last year!" If you don't read the story, you won't know that they went up from 2020 - the pandemic/lockdown - to 2021, and that they still weren't where they were pre-pandemic.
All you'll take away is "omg, syphilis is every damned where, huh?" Perspective is really important.
Anxiety is tough. I'm sure you know this, but remember that your mental health is as important as your physical health, and whatever happens, you'll be fine. :)
If it were me, I wouldn't test.
"Ideally whenever I’m due to test with a long term partner will be ok instead?"
Yes, this is fine. If you and this current partner end up being in a relationship, you can test. If not, waiting until you find your next relationship is fine, too.
Stats often help settle me, too, when I'm anxious about something. STI educators and the media love headlines like, "Syphilis rates explode from last year!" If you don't read the story, you won't know that they went up from 2020 - the pandemic/lockdown - to 2021, and that they still weren't where they were pre-pandemic.
All you'll take away is "omg, syphilis is every damned where, huh?" Perspective is really important.
Anxiety is tough. I'm sure you know this, but remember that your mental health is as important as your physical health, and whatever happens, you'll be fine. :)
You’re so right about those headlines!!!
Most definitely. They’re both a priority.
Honestly, thank you so much for your responses. You’ve been a great help. An amazing platform! :-)
Most definitely. They’re both a priority.
Honestly, thank you so much for your responses. You’ve been a great help. An amazing platform! :-)
You're quite welcome. Happy to help! :)
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Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
