4 year old refuses potty training

[frustratedmom03]

We have been tryining on and off for 1.5 years to potty train our daughter.  She flat out refuses.  She says it 'diapers' for her and heads the other direction.

We've tried the laid back approach (apparently), the commando approach, the potty parties, the peer pressure.  It does not impact her desire to use the potty or toilet.  She adores her father so he evern took over for a while, no go.  We have every gadget or gizmo on the market.  To her, they are all toys.

She does not have a bladder issue because she will hold in her pee if she is bare-bottomed or in panties.  I hated doing this for fear of UTI's but it one more piece of advive from a professional.  Needless to say it did not work either.  After 5 hours I caved in for fear of causing an infection.

Now that she is older (than most kids), I ask her why she does not use the potty or toilet.  She just plainly says she doesn't like them and want her 'dippies'.

Does she want to stay a baby?  Maybe I baby her too much, she is an only child (at least for now, one on the way).

Where do I go from here?

Desperate mom.

[Fuscia13]

Can I delete that? I wrote it on a low day. I think my daughter has OCD and it's over whelming at times

[Fuscia13]

My daughter is four and has been saying since she was three that she is not getting older and is still a baby. Babies where diapers and she wants to be a baby not a big girl. Great. She also says she's afraid of the potty. I was already having no success and then she started having constipation issues, well after I stopped talking about trying the potty for a reward. So that made things worse. She also started holding in her urine sometimes for over 24 hours. The urologist couldn't find a physical issue. Haven't been to the GI doctor yet. She's not normal. Still refuses to wean. Yes, wean. My life is a living hell sometimes. She is fearful of others, doesn't like swings, or slides, but jumps off the furniture and climbs around the kitchen. Everything must be just so. No changes. She gets upset a lot and yells or cries. I've never had a day or night away from her. So I'm beyond exhausted. I also feel like a huge failure.

[Mkmills07]

Any update?

[rockinbina]

This sounds stupid but I made a chart and put my children's pictures (I have triplets) on just a piece of poster paper and everytime they went potty I would put a sticky star on it.  1 star for PeePee and 2 stars for PooPoo.  It was a huge hit and they loved putting the stars on the posterboard.  Then there was a reward for every 10-20 stars.  Something small but it meant lots to mine.  It sounds too easy to actually work but it really did for mine and it wont cost much.  Good luck!!!

[twoboys12]

I know it seems like it will never happen,but eventually we all graduate to the toilet!!ha. My 4 1/2 yr. old son  fianally gave up diapers recently . he would potty outside,off the deck and even in the toilet around 3,but the poopoo is what had him flipped out! he only wanted to go in a diaper-he would hold it for days-so maybe its not the potty part holding her back,she could be nervous about relaxing in panties because of a poopoo issue?? good luck!

[boo_mommy]

what worked for me was cheering anytime they went pee. i prefered they peed in pants and underwear because it was obviously uncomfotable for them within a few seconds of peeing as opposed to being naked. i banished all the diapers in the house ( i mean waited till we had NO DIAPERS LEFT and had none at all) put underwear and easy to get on and off pants on them and waited. we hung out read books, played ect and when they peed i would say YAY RUN TO THE POTTY!!!! where i would have stashed several new pairs of pants and underwear. so i could whip the old ones off and throw the new ones on while they sat on the potty. lots and lots of juice helps too, they can only hold it so long once they have had 4 or 5 cups of their favorite juice. I only give my kids water to drink, but at potty training time its a beverage free for all. the more time they succeed in peeing (even if its in their pants) the more practise they get and the more likely they are to get to the potty next time. have lots of papertowels on hand and stay firm about no diapers and dont worry about the floor. a day or 2 and they will be going like pros and you can rent a carpet cleaner LOL goodluck! potty training is HARD!

[jayncandi]

I wish I had an answer for you but my son is 4 (5 in May) and is still not potty trained.  Like you I have tried EVERYTHING!!!  He is my 4th of 5 children so I know a little about what to do here.

DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF!!!  You have absolutely no control over her potty habits.

And know you are not alone!  It has been very hard with comments from others and the inability to enroll him in Preschool, but I have learned to deal with that and try to just love him to pieces, even if he is in diapers.  Eventually all otherwise normally developing humans end up using the toilet, so I assume some day he will as well.  His day is just taking WAY longer than I expected!
Take Care