losing my virginity

[Questionsab]

hi, I'm getting married and I'm still a virgin but I think I might have stuck my finger in my vagina but I did not bleed. I want to know where is the hymen located and is that what causes a girl to bleed. Is the hymen inside or outside the vagina, and if inside how deep is it. Also is there any way a doctor will be able to tell if I have never had sexual intercourse??
Thank you.

[chouchou88]

A related discussion, am i still a virgin? was started.

[Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D.]

don't worry about the hymen. Its just a very fragile piece of tissue ( most of the time, anyhow) slight inside the vagina. It can be broken by a finger, a tampex, or just exercise! Sometimes it even slides to the side and allows the penis to go in even when its more or less intact.

A doctor can usually tell if you have had intercourse in other ways. Usually by the tightness of the vagina and the fact that even a finger inserted can be painful. But why are you so worried? Do you think your partner won't believe you are a virgin if there is no blood? ( which does sometimes happens when the hymen tears upon intromission of the penis-- but not always!)  Your partner should believe what you say-- if he doesn't , why would you want to be with him? A true relationship, much less a marriage, is based on trust, respect and mutual protection. If other proof of your virginity is important besides your word, you are with the wrong guy.

[jesslee83]

it sis possible if  you were spotting after touching yourself, wether intentionally or accidentally, that you scraped yourself with a fingernail....i used to use OB tampons with out the applicator, and there were times when i could *feel* i had scraped myself.....do not feel as though this is something you should be ashamed of! i did not bleed my first time, through the 2nd year i was having sex, and only after getting married and having *intoxicated sex* which later proved to be painful(haha!), did i actually bleed.....

***the definition of virgin is***

A person who has not experienced sexual intercourse.
A chaste or unmarried woman; a maiden.
An unmarried woman who has taken religious vows of chastity.

now i have also read the definition as it being *a person/woman who has never been penetrated by the male penis*

your virtue is intact and i would not stress about this! as long as your partner is aware of the issue you're having you are fine! (as i know some men believe if their wives do not *bleed* on their wedding night, they were not virgins, which is untrue!)

[ShainaW]

It's easy enough to look up on the web for a picture of where the hymen is, but the other posters are right.  Women lose their hymen from numerous ways, not necessarily just from sex.  Also, even if yours is in tact it may not bleed.  It depends on what kind you have, if it has more holes in it (and depending on how slow and easy your partner takes it the first time) it can be streatched instead of ripped.  Really though, it's easy enough to lose ... be it from a tampon or anything else.

[jml1986]

I can tell you that if you have ever used a tampon, you hymen is probably no longer in tact. This does not mean you are not a virgin. It just does not take much to break it.

[Clarissa82]

No, the hymen is not inside. It covers the entrance of the vagina. It's just a membrane, a piece of tissue, it is pink colour. I know because I have seen mine. There are several kinds of hymens and they all have an opening to let menstrual blood out. In very rare cases there is no opening and surgery is necessary to make an opening so that blood can come out. You can see your hymen with a mirror. However, you may not have one. Not every girl is born with one and sometimes it is broken due to intense physical activity. However, it is not likely that it's broken by a finger. It can stretch, so a finger won't break it. A hymen is not a proof of virginity, some hymens are very elastic and can strech during intercourse and then they come back to ther original place. Virginity is a rather debatable concept that people define in different ways. In the western world it is usually accepted that a person is a virging if he/she has not had vaginal/penile intercourse. So, as long as you haven't had intercourse you are a virgen whether there is a hymen or not, so I'd say don't worry about it, and yes, if you bleed during intercourse it's because there is a tearing of the hymen, but there could be other causes as well. If you keep bleeding then you need to see a doctor. I suggest you do some research to inform yourself about your own anatomy.

[snippets69]

The hymen is inside the vagina.  A Dr. could tell if the hymen was still intact or not, but this isn't a 100% indicator of whether you've had sex or not because some women/girls lose the hymen before sex.