What to do with 4 year old bad behavior.

[possibilities]

My child is 4 1/2 and lately he has been cranky with both my husband and I, almost just fighting for his independence yet still fighting for mommy or daddy to do things for him. He is hard to read.  We really don't want him to be so manipulative and it turns into frustration verses just having fun. This is new behavior over the last 2 to 3 weeks. We do place him in time out for 2 to 3 minutes and tell him after that when he is ready to come to the table (sitting and eating at the table is an issue) he can come back, sit at the table with us and finish the rest of his dinner.  He is very manipulative at the dinner table to the point that my husband and I had to  sit down alone and discuss a way of coming up with a behavioral plan:  Issue: Takes a long time to eat at the table (almost an hour), he is consider "Failure to Thrive", meaning he needs to take in more calories (so this hangs over our head), he is a picky eater, he won't sit for the full dinner, he argues with us about eating all his dinner and often asks us for something else.
  
Plan in place at this point: A timer is put on for 40 minutes, reminding him that he has until it goes off, then his supper/lunch/breakfast will be put a way, he is offered 2 different meals (since he is in need of calories we want to still implement this to at least encourage him to eat), if he complains about the food up to 3 times then he is placed in a time out (in which we both remind him why he is in a time out),  meanwhile the 40 minute timer is still in use and being used against the time he has to eat. THIS ISN'T WORKING, ANY SUGGESTIONS?


This discussion is related to 4 Year Old Behavior Problems.

[margypops]

Is it a race in your house to eat, would it not be okay if he took longer,seems the rules you are putting on him are hard for a 4year old, he is punished for saying something about his food, this is the behavior of a normal little boy I think you need to let him do his own thing a bit and not make it a Battle ground which is what it sounds like  with rules and regulations. Try to ease off he may feel better and do some of the Behavior things you think he should do.He sounds like he just wants some independance and freedom of choice.