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Sleep Problems for Six-Year-Old

For the past two or three weeks, my grandson has been screaming and crying and refusing to go to sleep in his own room.  He has kept his parents awake most of the night.  I suspect he is jealous of his three month old brother, who sleeps in the parents' bed.  The parents are beside themselves, very sleep deprived and not knowing what to do.  They tried to hold out and insist that he sleep in his own room, but because they were concerned about their own severe sleep deprivation, they started letting him sleep on their bedroom floor. Any ideas for dealing with his stated "fear of his own bedroom" and ideas for coaxing the six year old back into his own room? Thank you!
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521840 tn?1348840771
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hello,
   sleep deprivation is really hard to live with, and trying to avoid it is what drives many people to adopt co-sleeping. But co-sleeping does come with costs, like any parenting choice, and the effect on the siblings can be significant. I don't blame this little boy for having strong feelings about his 3 month old brother getting to sleep with Mommy and Daddy--he must feel very upset about being displaced. I would suspect you are correct that this is the reason for his distress. Adele Faber likens the arrival of a sibling to your husband taking on a second wife, and we can imagine how thrilled we'd be to see our husbands deciding to move us out and sleep with somebody younger and cuter!

It sounds like your grandson's campaign to get into his parents bed is working little by little, so he has no incentive to stop his behavior. The more these very tired parents give in, the worse they are going to make the problem over time. They have taught him that his tantrums will work if he only sticks with it long enough. Its not going to be long before he 'ups the ante' and moves into their bed. One of the problems with co-sleeping is when you want to stop doing it, you have set your child up for a hard adjustment. If the parents give in, they are teaching him that tantrums and screaming work, and he is more likely to work himself into fits the next time he is upset about not getting what he wants.

   So the trick is to handle this with compassion for his very real hurt feelings and to work him back into sleeping in his own room. I would acknowledge his feelings with statements like "Its hard to share mommy and daddy with a baby" or "sometimes having a baby around is very tough." Concurrently, his parents need to offer incentives (praise, affection, rewards etc) for gradual progress towards sleeping independently again (that is the end goal).  The book The Kazdin Method  by Alan Kazdin has a great chapter on how to do this that the parents can put to use immediately. The book Siblings without Rivalry by Adele Faber is also an excellent guide to helping children adjust to a new sibling; I can't recommend it enough (once people have caught up on sleep a bit). It would probably also help the situation overall to slowly work the baby into sleeping in his own bassinet or crib.

Best Wishes
Rebecca Resnik
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
Dr. Resnik,  I am VERY grateful to you for your time in responding to our problem.  My husband is online with Amazon as I write this, to order the two books you mentioned.  I am 56 years old, and when I was about 30, I read, How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.  It has remained my favorite parenting book all these years. In fact, I think its advice works on husbands, too. :-) So, of course, I am excited to read Ms. Faber's other book,Siblings Without Rivalry, and passing it along to my son and daughter-in-law.  I am being very careful about offering advice to them, as I am trying to be the world's greatest mother and mother-in-law. :-) Fortunately, my son is actively seeking our advice on this problem.  

Thank you so very much for your kindness, your expertise, and your time in this thoughtful response.
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