my unhappy 9 year old daughter...

Question

I have an unhappy 9 year old daughter. I am a hearing imparied. I got divorced when my daughter was 3. She has a twin sister. They are living 50%-50% residential with me and my ex hearing husband. I am getting very tired with my daughter. She is always unhappy, crying and very controlling, tells me what to do. I refused do things when she tells me to do, she cries and throws tratrums. When I ask her to go have a shower, I dont yell, I talk in a very normal smooth voice...she refuses to go to have showers, she just cries and cries..I have tried very hard to help her to talk to me what is bothering her...she would not tell me anything, just cries. She always puts me down, she hurts my feelings. It is very frustrating.. I tried to talk to my ex-husband, he always says "give her a big hug for me, tell her she is not in trouble"..he is not helping me, I don't think he doesn't understand...My ex husband is remarried, his wife has two sons 9 years old and 11 years old. My daughter always say her step brothers giving her a hard time. I have spoken to my ex husband, he says it's not true. HELLPPPPP....

This discussion is related to Unhappy 9yr old Daughter/Very frustrated Mom.

margypops · Answer

Perhaps she demands more I have twins in my Family and one is definatly more demanding than the other, do you treat her the same way you do the other Twin as sometimes they can feel left out if one gets more attention. Focus on her positive side and praise her when you see her doing something right.

Pauline582 · Answer

My daughter tells me what to do e.g "mum, i want to have a party, I want you to buy lollies" etc I want my friends to come over here, she says "I want I want I want" all the time. Like , I say " let go out to shopping, fun..or let's go out for a night cool walk" I am always positive, she just cries and yells "no dont tell me what to do, I am not coming!" She hurts my feelings. Her twin sister is lovely,very a beauitful person, she listens and accepts. She is also getting fed up with her sister's behaviour problems, too.

margypops · Answer

.It may be a good idea to ask specific questions of your daughter regarding how her older step siblings give her a hard' time, do they say mean things to her ,ask her to explain what she means by hard time ,perhaps give her a time frame for her shower and tell her she has a while to do it or no TV or PC or anything she values doing, and stick to it, ket the shower be in her control and if she doesnt do it no favorite show on TV or outing . She sounds upset by something ,it is obvious your EX is going to say its not true what else would he say so find out what it is they do to upset her. When you say you refuse to do things she tells you to do, what kind of thingsand  if they are requests would it hurt to let her have her own way? Is the other twin the same and does she say the boys are mean aswell what is her input here?