9 yr and jealous behaviour

Question

I have a similar probem to the previous. My child will be turning 9. I have had the same boyfriend for 2 years (we were nog living together). However, he finally through in the towel and broke up with me on New's Year's Day. He thinks that she was getting everything she wanted. I have been working hard lately, as she has been talking back with me alot and giving me general negative attitude. I have been making reward charts, consequences every time consistenly on this and discussions every time. On New's Night she knocked on our door crying desperately for me to come to her. I was so tired I fell asleep in her bed. He left, packed up his personal belonging s while I fell asleep. I think he left because I went straight for her. Who's more at fault here her or him. I know I'm not a perfect parent but somehow I don't think he was willing to go in it for the long haul, he is older and has older children. It's passed his time. When it comes to her, was she perhaps trying to manipulate me or was there truly an insecurity there?

This discussion is related to Single Parenting and Dating.

eel81 · Answer

i dont think she is jealous, i think she truly needed you  and to be honest if he loved you he would have stayed, he wouldnt have packed up and left. think about your child, this is not her fault that he left, and if you blame her she will sense this.....
this is on him, you are her mother and need to go to her no matter what even if it is nothing. my kids at night sometimes say they see things and i know they dont they are just trying to stay up longer, but i go in hteir rooms and look everywhere, and say nope all gone all good, read a book and then put htem in bed and all is good. so in conclusion, no matter what this is not your daughters fault, it is all on him........

Tara94 · Answer

Behaviour charts can work.  It is not a wast of money. But, not everything works with every child.  I have learned this. It really depends on the personality and motivation of the child.  They actually have worked in the past for me and they work well for children that I work with.   But, Ona, you don;t have to buy. Simply make one or find them on the internet. What costs is the reward at the end. But, a small toy or outing works fine. The super nanny's website has many to choose from.

Tara94

onabug_09 · Answer

Yeah but, to a certain degree children have a way of manipulating a situation into their favor. Your daughter knows that you love her and that she is the most important thing to you. They take that and run with it and expect for you to feel gulty because you need another relationship on another level with someone else besides them. Atleast that is the way that it feels for me right now. I just don't know how to take her.. it's almost like mood swings she likes him and wants him around when it's convenient for her and life just doesn't work that way. 

That is funny that you mention the behavior chart because I was just fixing to go get one for my little girl. Now I am thinking that I will just save my money!

RockRose · Answer

You're more at fault here.  You're her mom,  and she needs you.  

If he was her dad, he would go and comfort her.  He isn't - he's some strange guy and he got up and packed his stuff because she needs you.

Good riddance to bad garbage.