7 yrs and 6 yrs. still won't sleep alone

[vchosey]

I was reading about several other parents whose 7 yr old daughters have raging tantrums.  My daughter does this also, will be 8 in February.  Also perfect angel at school, lots of friends and straight A's.  It only happens at home, usually when she doesn't feel like doing something basic like brushing her teeth at night.  In addition though, she still refuses to sleep alone.  She has a 6 yr. old sister and neither of them will sleep without someone next to them, usually I sleep with one and my husband with the other.  They get practically hysterical about being asked to sleep alone, and don't like sleeping with each other either.  My daughter has been shut out of our room , only to end up in a screaming , sobbing,  crying , coughing fit, which then gets so bad she actually throws up.

My parents keep hounding us that the girls need to sleep in their own beds, but we don't mind sleeping with them, because they go to bed on time and we can all sleep.  Just curious if anyone else has this to this degree?

Any comments would be appreciated.


This discussion is related to 7-year old daughter has major rages/tantrums.

[ingorot]

They are 6 and 7 years old- babies really. I remember having these same issues as a kid. And my mom did exactly what you are doing--allayed my fears and comforted me. It gave me tremendous self esteem as an adult. You are doing things right. They will out grow it eventually (though not soon enough, I would imagine).

If it makes you feel any better, I've grown in to a successful, responsible adult :)

[margypops]

Its called tough love its up to you , you can change this in one night, you are enabling it with your love , a lot of European Families sleep together in my opinion its okay but some say at a certain age it is good to get them to sleep in their own rooms. If you do decide you want to go that way, you talk to them once tell them they are going to stay in their own beds and be consistant when they yell ignore it , take them back to their room , they can read for a while but explain they must stay there leave a hall light on, if you get tough it doesnt take long, however I sympathise, its not easy.

[vchosey]

One other thing: you asked if we sneak out, and what happens is this:

Even if we do force them to sleep in the guest room together, they always end up waking up and coming into our bed in the dead of night.  Sometimes we don't even realize it until about 4 in the morning, and then who wants to get up and move them?!.....

I wonder at what age they will feel grown up enough to be in their own beds/rooms?

[vchosey]

Hello and thanks for your comments.  Our master bedroom is downstairs and we have a guestroom downstairs with a queen sized bed.  The girls have slept in it together, but they hate it, and they cry and get real fear, especially my 6 year old. ( she has mood disorder and anxiety also...takes meds for it).  So what we do is let my 7 year old sleep in our bed with my husband in our king bed, and then I sleep in the queen bed guest room with my 6 yr. old.  She is very, very anxious being away from me, and doesn't even want to sleep with my husband if she can't have me.

The thing is, my husband and I are fine with it the way things are.  I figure eventually they will get old enough to want to sleep in their own rooms, it's just I get told by my parents that it's so bad for their emotional development not sleeping on their own, and we MUST get them over their fears...etc...etc...etc.....  ugh!

[Dawnmist]

It is really a difficult thing when this happens. My 3 year old son sometimes wants us to sleep with his. lately We will go up to his room and watch a short dvd or read a book and cuddle. Then we tell him we will be right downstairs, or down the hall. he usually stays in bed. Try this or maybe get them a full sized bed so they have each other.

[Encephalomalcia]

The children usually are scared to sleep alone and the security of having the parent right there helps.  Being like this as a child, I do feel for your children.  You would think having each other would be enough to sleep with.  I was an only child and my mom slept with me a lot.  I was always scared at night.  I had to sleep with one of my daughters until she was 5.  Thanksfully, they sleep alone or with each other now.  We have four children ages 4, 9, 11, and 12, all girls.  You can just keep trying to let them sleep by themselves, but if they get all worked up you will most likely have to give in to get any sleep.  Do you sneak out after they fall asleep or do they awake the moment you try?