my boyfriend has no sex drive

Question

my boyfriend has been on suboxone for about three weeks we had sex like four or five times a week before he started th sub now we have only had sex once in three weeks is there anything i could do to get him to have sex i have tryed initiating sex first but he says im tired maybe tomorrow then tomorrow comes and i get the same response

This discussion is related to Sexual Side of Effects of Effexor & Suboxone.

wishmasterqueen · Answer

by all means i do consider going to those meetings, sorry i left that out, lol :) thanks too!

sandy201 · Answer

Hey, Im a female and Im on subuxtone, and have a fine sex drive , in fact, I have the opposite problem, I want it more, and my husband and I have been together for 4 years ,smae thing at first it was freaking unbelievable, like I was in shock by how much he wanted sexually, I couldnt keep up, he got a job promotion, we moved and he dropped like a pin needle sexually... Talking about wits end... I feeel so unsexy , Ive talked to him , even to the point of trying to explain , "Im in my prime, 37 and Im pregnant, and have never felt more womenly than I do right now , weve got 12 months to be alone together and he still just doesnt get it.. which is more sad its like he cant even make himself want it... I know the worthless feeling, but Im beyond that, I dont even feel beautiful anymore. God he used to make me feel so wanted and sexy and like I was the woman, I feel complete opposite . So if you wanna keep in touch Im pretty cool to talk to and this should not be on addiction forum, theis is a sexual issue.. I know plenty of people on subuxtone and have know sexual problems... Not saying it couldnt play a tiny part, but Im thinking theres a little more to it, it could be the change on not being on whatever drug he was addicted to and he is adjusting to that but you need to talk to him. write me back and let me know what going on ?

specialmom · Answer

I'd still love for you to consider an al anon meeting for yourself just to understand the role of a codependent.  I'm not saying you are and you seem intelligent and sincere about wanting to help him.  But it is good to understand all elements to addiction cycles and where we fit when we love an addict.  Consider one or two meetings at least.

wishmasterqueen · Answer

I have always, and continue to agree with that. He doesn't have anywhere else to turn unfortunately. He started Lortabs years ago.... then switched to Subs to try to "self medicate" (stupid stupid idea, I wasn't around at this point in time to tell him it was a bad idea).. and he wasn't self medicating to get off of opiates, he was doing it to "cut down" so that he wouldn't spend as much money. At the time, he wasn't interested in getting off of them, and now its been a long time... way too long, and he's still on Subs. Things are a bit different now. He does want to get off of them. Now he's going to the doctor to get off of them, and going to his group sessions as well. He has been breaking down in tears with me over it all... multiple times a month, sobbing about how its ruining his life, taking fun out of everything, making him feel like a robot or a drone, and how it's cutting into him financially worse than ever (he doesn't have health insurance, so going to the doctor has been costing him an arm and a leg). I believe he is serious about getting off Subs, but unfortunately there's no easy way.

el_em_en_oh · Answer

This sort of belongs in the 'Substance Abuse' community, but I'll say it here... replacing one addictive substance with another addictive substance does not sobriety make. I realize that Suboxone has it's place, and I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but I AM saying that it should only be used in the short-term, and not be used as a long-term solution to opiate addiction.

And that's all I have to say about that.

wishmasterqueen · Answer

who knows. he has been attending group therapy as well as individual. His doctor has been saying that right now this is a "maintenance period" where abusers must first find the root of the problem, and find out why they started taking drugs to begin with. I was happy when he started seeing his doctor though (about two months ago). The doc prescribed only the lowest needed amount of Sub for his withdrawals, unlike other docs that prescribe way too much and seem to only be sucking money out of their clients. But now I'm sort of frustrated, the doc hasn't told my boyfriend to start lowering his doses yet... and I honestly believe he is ready. Maybe I am being too hasty, I do want him off the Subs asap. He wants to be off of them too. He says he's thought about tapering his Sub doses on his own, but that it might not work out as planned. He says he obviously feels more comfortable doing exactly what the doctor says, and being limited to taking what the script says. It's just a frustrating time period I am at right now... I've been told that his libido will come back after he is off the Subs, so I'm extremely excited for that... but who knows when that will happen, providing it does happen (I believe it will).

el_em_en_oh · Answer

Don't take it personally. Suboxone (and all opiates for that matter) have the side-effect of reducing libido (sex drive). I know this doesn't help your situation, but the only way to get around it is for him to stop taking sub's.

Sub is only supposed to be used short-term, so how long before he's off it?

wishmasterqueen · Answer

i feel your pain. My boyfriend and I have been living like that for almost a full year. I call him to come to bed but hes distracted by other things and doesn't make the connection that I want sex... or he lays down next to me and passes out from being tired from working all day, plus the Suboxone side effects. I just can't seem to get him to remember sex exists. It is so tiring and disheartening when you feel like you're chasing your own man around for it. I started feeling like I was worthless, every once in a while i remember to have patience with him. I'm used to having it every night or at least several times a week. Now we have sex once a week at most. It has never been on my mind more than it is now, which makes it even harder to deal with. If I didn't remind him about sex, it would probably never happen on its own. Once he's involved in the sex he's alright usually. We don't have any problems, and he's really into it, but he does sorta lack passion now... and creativity. There's also no spontaneity. I'm at my wits end. 

Is your boyfriend the same way?