wendy111's MedHelp Blogs https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/1436228 Medical communities and forums staffed by doctors from leading medical centers. Over 325 forums and communities providing medical information and medical help. en it is not always fair It does not seem fair when everything in life is crashing in. It is not fair being an addict and kno wendy111 Tue, 15 Mar 2011 18:32:24 -0400 https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/275806/it-is-not-always-fair https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/275806/it-is-not-always-fair hit a wall I am working hard at keeping it together but losing the battle. so tired of being down having nothin wendy111 Tue, 01 Feb 2011 14:51:27 -0500 https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/265085/hit-a-wall https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/265085/hit-a-wall feeling good I am not sure how this happened but I feel good. my life has not changed all the problems are there wendy111 Tue, 11 Jan 2011 17:44:45 -0500 https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/259410/feeling-good https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/259410/feeling-good What is normal anyways? what is normal anyways. 79 days and I do feel OK and sometimes good but not that giddy good feeling wendy111 Sat, 08 Jan 2011 14:07:39 -0500 https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/258605/What-is-normal-anyways https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/258605/What-is-normal-anyways need to get out of this mood Just looking to find that rush of feeling good. I know it is not worth it I have come so far. Going wendy111 Sat, 27 Nov 2010 08:52:43 -0500 https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/248658/need-to-get-out-of-this-mood https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/248658/need-to-get-out-of-this-mood step up make changes not working and not having much of a life really makes everything such an effort. applied for a f wendy111 Fri, 19 Nov 2010 08:53:03 -0500 https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/247033/step-up-make-changes https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/247033/step-up-make-changes starting to live life straight 27 days clean and had my first dream about using. when others talked about them and how real they fe wendy111 Wed, 17 Nov 2010 08:21:09 -0500 https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/246470/starting-to-live-life-straight https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/246470/starting-to-live-life-straight feel good/able to function not sure why but got up today and felt ok. like I remember how I felt when I was working and just go wendy111 Thu, 11 Nov 2010 08:40:58 -0500 https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/244987/feel-good-able-to-function https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/244987/feel-good-able-to-function finding my way/baby steps the past two days I i feel on the road to being normal whatever that is. I keep noticing things I al wendy111 Wed, 10 Nov 2010 07:47:59 -0500 https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/244712/finding-my-way-baby-steps https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/244712/finding-my-way-baby-steps what is missing this site has been helpful and learning from others is the reason I am straight again. still an addi wendy111 Sun, 07 Nov 2010 10:44:06 -0500 https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/243950/what-is-missing https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/243950/what-is-missing past/present/future it is hard to believe it has been over two weeks since i used. the first time around I was still add wendy111 Sat, 06 Nov 2010 07:42:38 -0400 https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/243678/past-present-future https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/243678/past-present-future soo tired mental or physical or both? 11 days it has been a tough few days. I am so tired unable to do much and whatever I do I am dragging and th wendy111 Mon, 01 Nov 2010 08:13:38 -0400 https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/242430/soo-tired-mental-or-physical-or-both--11-days- https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/242430/soo-tired-mental-or-physical-or-both--11-days- Relapse taught me a lot about life and me it is a funny feeling the lack of feeling I want to use. One of my biggest triggers used to be when I wendy111 Wed, 27 Oct 2010 08:29:38 -0400 https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/241249/Relapse-taught-me-a-lot-about-life-and-me https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/241249/Relapse-taught-me-a-lot-about-life-and-me day 1 again new start different attitude I had 20 percs in the house and figured my husband and I would get high a few nights and just kinda e wendy111 Fri, 22 Oct 2010 09:37:31 -0400 https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/240037/day-1-again-new-start-different-attitude- https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/240037/day-1-again-new-start-different-attitude- do i want it that same nagging ???? how do you do it. I know someone told me once that I am already ready to relapse, by thinking the wendy111 Sat, 02 Oct 2010 10:55:12 -0400 https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/234895/do-i-want-it-that-same-nagging- https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/234895/do-i-want-it-that-same-nagging- need to find the fight in me it feels like I made friends here and learned so much. as we all know it is not only the drugs that wendy111 Tue, 28 Sep 2010 13:02:51 -0400 https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/233932/need-to-find-the-fight-in-me- https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/233932/need-to-find-the-fight-in-me- do i want this 26 days clean I guess somehow I must want this if I am still here. Day 27 tomorrow. the last three days I so wendy111 Thu, 23 Sep 2010 16:42:58 -0400 https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/232703/do-i-want-this-26-days-clean https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/232703/do-i-want-this-26-days-clean day 26 slept for over seven hours the past few days actually could not get out of bed. set alarm for six th wendy111 Thu, 23 Sep 2010 06:13:02 -0400 https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/232519/day-26 https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/232519/day-26 so many wanting to use kept reading the posts today and so many wanting to use, MANY tthat have been clean for months.I did wendy111 Tue, 21 Sep 2010 21:13:41 -0400 https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/232105/so-many-wanting-to-use https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/232105/so-many-wanting-to-use logical side of brain day 24 other feeling side I am fighting just read a few notes and now i feel quilty cause of all the support you have given me but I s wendy111 Tue, 21 Sep 2010 07:43:49 -0400 https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/231923/logical-side-of-brain-day-24-other-feeling-side-I-am-fighting https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/231923/logical-side-of-brain-day-24-other-feeling-side-I-am-fighting