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Surgery update

Sep 25, 2009 - 1 comments

Well... I'm back! Turns out, I didn't have to sleep at the hospital, came home the same day which made me very happy. I was at a different hospital this time and loved it. The one I usually go to is horrible. They make you change into a gown and make you wait in a general waiting room for 3 hours.

This time, it took me a total of an hour from the time I checked in till I was in the operating room! The nurses there are amazing. 1 nurse for every patient and every other nurse checks up on you as well. I had a nurse next to me when I woke up so no confusion or being scared.

So I was expecting 2 little holes from the laparoscopy but woke up with 4 holes. LOTS of pain. They only found 2 endo spots :) Cut out some nerves which kills now. They also removed my appendix. Funny story, they said that my intestines are so small that they found my appendix on my left side. It's supposed to be on the right side lol That's probably why I have extra holes.

Anywho, lots of pain and meds don't help. Just wanted to give you guys an update cuz I worry whenever one of my ladies goes in for a procedure and I don;t hear from there.

Love you all!!!

Thank you!

Sep 21, 2009 - 3 comments

I would just like to take this time to thank everyone for the well wishes for my upcoming surgery. It's not easy for anyone but with friends like you guys, it makes things a little less stressful.

I'm going in on Wednesday. They'll be removing my endometriosis. My other 2 surgeries, they burned my endo but this time, the doc is removing it. Also taking out my appendix and cutting some nerves at the bottom of my "spine". Supposedly, this stops the pain in the middle of the uterus. They do grow back though.

For the first time ever, I will be staying in the hospital overnight minimum. That's what I'm mostly scared about. I've always had huge issues waking up after surgeries. On top of all that, the anesthesiologist told me that I might have an iv in my spine for pain meds. So I can't lay down on my belly and can't lay down on my back. I just don't like hospitals all together. I don't think anyone does lol

So thanks to everyone and I'll be sure to come back after I feel better and can't wait to talk to you guys soon :)


Aug 20, 2009 - 0 comments

Has anyone ever wondered if karma truly exists??? We say it all the time and some of us are raised with the saying " don't do to others what you wouldn't want done to you", " Help someone in need because one day, you'll be needing someone"... I've never met anyone that has more faith in "good things come to those who do good" than my grandmother. She has been one of the women I admire the most. After my grandfather passed away, she dedicated her life to the church and to help others. She was blessed with 9 kids and all were old enough to take care of themselves at the time. She was still young and could have remarried but she chose to help others and be the strength of our family. I believe that deep down inside, we all turn to her for faith when we need it.

Lately, faith has not been a part of my life. When ppl are having a hard time, I am always there and the first to say that everything happens for a reason even if we don't see it at first. But how can you preach such a thing when you don't believe in it anymore?!

I must have been a murderer in my past life or I broke wayyyyy too many mirrors because everything that ppl say should make you happy... nada for me.

Good health: I have been sick for most part of my life. For as long as i can remember, I couldn't participate in gym during grade school. Highschool, I spent it in the library writing essays for my gym credit. I was never part of any sports team. My clubbing years were spent going home early because I couldn't tough it out lol I had the chance to pursue my dream of being a chef but now, because of my health, I will never be able to continue on. So when do you accept that most of your dreams, are out of reach?

Good friends: I don't know if those exist. I've gotten caught up with relationships in my past so some of it has been on my part. But today, you see who your friends are when you're in need and they are there. The good friends are the ones that do something without you having to ask. I have been too sick to do anything for the past 3 months. Sitting in my apartment, watch reruns of Oprah and Dr Phil lol I have not had ONE single visitor! That hits you. Some ppl are available to party or to complain about their bfs but when it comes down to doing something for their friend in need... POOF... they disappear... crazy magic trick. Why do ppl disappear when someone is in need?

Good fortune: I am not the only person who has it rough in this world but I have always been selfless... doing everything for others. I wonder everyday "when is it time to be selfish???" Cuz most ppl that are in my life, are the most selfish ppl I have ever met. If you are offended by this, it's cuz you know you're one of them! lol My luck consist of having something that brings me happiness but taken away from me. I'm not asking to win the lottery, would be nice, just a break. I lost my best friend at 16. Ever since then, my "luck" is nowhere to be found. I had to grow up faster than anyone I know when someone close to me got sick. She's like super woman to me but watching her in pain, it wasn't right. I will never be able to get those images out of my mind. I spent months trying to cope with the fact that I would have to live my life without her at the age of 19. So my good fortune, the fact that she was given another chance or maybe I was given another chance?!? If you take someone for granted, imagine them near death and how lucky you truly are to have them.

Love: Love comes in so many different ways. You know it's love when you feel it. Lately, all I see are ppl getting engaged, planning weddings, buying houses and having children... these are all ppl that are my age. I live alone, with a dog and my date nights include watching Hell's Kitchen and being with the only 2 ppl that truly cheer me up... Ben and Jerry! lol Why is it that I don't have any of those things and I'm just as good as they are? When ppl are asked what they want out of life, most of their answers are being successful and being wealthy. For me, all I've ever wanted was to have a loving partner and healthy children. My idea of success is watching my grand children play in the yard when I'm 60 while rocking on a chair with my husband. Why is it that the most "normal" things are so hard to achieve???

Some of my friends are planning a grade school reunion soon. The more I think about it, the more I believe that there's no point in showing up. I don't have a career, a fiance or children. I do not own a house or make a lot of money. It's embarrassing! So do I show up and prove to the "bullies" that they were right... I would never be anything?

How do you accept the fact that maybe god has forgotten about you?! I'm sure I'm not the only one who is or has felt that way. I know it's wrong to say but with everything happening, I wonder.

So I believe that karma does not exist. It's merely something that's said to give ppl hope. If you are good, good things will happen to you. All of the bad ppl I know are better off than me. How is that possible?

So when is it ok to lose faith?


Aug 20, 2009 - 1 comments

Well being on sick leave has its ups.... you get LOTS of time to think about things. The one thing that I wonder about is why are women so obsessed with love?! Bachelorette, More to love, Dating in the dark... that's all that plays these days.

Just as a warning, the following is a "gathering" of many different woman's heartbreaks, venting nights with their gfs. Some are personal experiences and most of from others experiences.

From the time we're born it is engraved in our minds that one day, we will have a prince charming rescue us and live happily ever after. Look at our fairy tales.... Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty....

So we believe, that's how our love lives will be. Then, we grow up but still... most of our grownup movies are the same; He lies, he cheats, he breaks our hearts but in the end... we take him back.

What makes women so obsessed with being in love? We tell ourselves that we are nothing if we don't have a man by us. We are miserable without them. We spend most of our adult lives searching for the right man. When women get married, ppl tell you it's the time that your life truly begins. When men get married, they're told life is over!!! So what do we have before that and what happens to the ones that don't get married? Is a woman's happily ever after marriage and a man's happily ever after being single?!

We do so much just to be loved; we change ourselves inside and out. Just like at the beginning of a relationship, the honeymoon stage, both partners put their best forward. We don't show little things that could turn one away. The things is, some women never stop that phase. We aren't our true selves just to please. We change our hair color because he prefers blonds, we go on diets, we jeopardize our connections with our friends and family... we sacrifice! I was always a strong believer that a relationship is not about sacrifices, it's about compromises. The first few months of a relationship is what us women fall in love with. But men, as soon as the honeymoon phase is over, everything comes out. They stop telling us we're beautiful, the romance is non existent, they leave the toilet seat up at your place when he doesn't even live there!!!! lol All of these little things that can sometimes make you love them more or make you wonder... is it best to just do those things from the start so that you know you've fallen in love with the real thing?!

Why do men have 2 categories in their lives that can never be compared or asked about... their friends and their girl friends?!? It's a drag for men to go out their way to plan something romantic for our birthdays or anniversaries but they're the first in line to plan their buddies bachelor party? Why is it that men can cancel on us but NEVER cancel on their friends? Why are men so paranoid that their gf will become a controlling "mother" but the only ppl who whip them are their buddies. If one of the guys doesn't bring their gf along to an event, you can forget about your invitation as well. They will lie to us but the only time they lie to their friends is when they're talking about us. They don't like talking on the phone when all we want is to hear their voice but there's no problem staying on the phone for 15 minutes talking about which club to go to or if they saw that great move during the hockey game the night before. They can't remember the exact date of our anniversaries but they never forget who scored the winning goal in any sport playoffs 5 years ago!!!!

If their friends are always first and so much more fun and not as complicated as women, why don't they marry each other?!?! Are we just there for when we're needed?

But the blame is 50/50... why do we put up with it? Why do we accept the lies and the cheating? Why do we stay and believe that WE will be the one girl that makes them want to change? Why do we allow ourselves to fall in love with someone who will never love us as much as we love them? Why do we give second chances... a dozen times?!? Is it about being with a man or being with THE man? I don't think women even know anymore.

When do you give up on someone? When is it the end? Everyone tells you that things will be ok by saying that he'll come back or you'll find someone new... so the only way for us women to be ok is to get him back or find another one that might give us just as much, if not more, trouble?!?

It's easy to love a child. It's easy to love a sport. It's easy to love a good meal.... so why is it so hard for someone to love the person that loves them?