All Journal Entries Journals
Sort By:  

Went to the Dr today, things are not looking so great :(

Jun 06, 2011 - 24 comments

My insurance was back on today so I made an appt and went in. My betas were great! they doubled appropriately
5-24-11 Beta 452
5-26-11 beta 1,112
5-31-11 beta 6,910

Had an ultrasound and no  yolk sac. They said I could be only 6 weeks and then the u/s would be correct. I went for another HCG to see if my numbers are continuing to rise today and I go again Wed. If my numbers are good then they will do another u/s and if still nothing then they are going to look in my tubes next. I am torn!!! I am starting to spot dark red, but my cervix is closed, but she said it can open and close throughout a miscarriage. This was a new Dr in the office and I liked her, she was compassionate and seemed to care. She shared with me her story of how she had 9 m/c's before having her now 13 yr old daughter and they also could never find anything wrong. So My fingers are crossed that there will be a baby on Friday. Please keep me in your prayers!!!!!!!

Dr's office is on my sh1t list!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jun 03, 2011 - 3 comments

So I started to have some dark brown discharge late last night, no pain and just when I wiped. It was a really dark brown sort of like chocolate (sorry TMI). After 6 m/c's I was quite worried and had never had this color of discharge. I called Dr's and they said come in at 11. So I go in and they tell me they can't see me because my Insurance is on hold!!! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So right now I have medical and they said my hubby made to much money and they were cutting us off, I knew this was happening but as long as I am pregnant they can't cut me off since Hubby's work does not offer insurance, blah, blah, I have been through this before and know that. So anyways I tell them why can't you see me it is on hold pending a proof of pregnancy from you guys. They said go down to the office and ask for a proof of acceptance. UGGGHHHH I go to the office and they say your worker is not here you have to talk to the on call worker well she has up to 48hrs. Well they are closed every Friday so I will not here anything until Monday. She gives me a paper to give to the Dr saying it's on hold until my worker gets back or the on call worker. The Dr.s office only will do an exam not an u/s. My cervix was closed and they could not see where the brown stuff was coming from. Frankly I think they are lying, he checked for like 20 seconds and was like ok were done!!!! And said if I was in a lot of pain or started bleeding bright red to go the ER. Then I was so pissed I got dressed and walked out and said you just lost a patient!!!!!! I forgot all about my HCG levels until I got home and called them back and told them I need to know my HCG levels to know if I am going to miscarry or not, she put me on hold and said Dr will call you back, this was like 2 I called back at 4 and still they say DR will call you back. Mother F****er did not ever call me back. I will be making a phone call in the morning and if they don't give them to me I will go in. I don't know what else to do. I am at a loss. All because my Medical is on hold. I just don't understand. When I had Blue cross it was all good. I am so pissed. And from the bottom of my toes to the tip of my head I know what the outcome of all this is...a miscarriage, but I would like to hear it from MY Dr who was supposed to be monitoring my HCG not keeping them from me. I don't want to go to the ER because I have no pain and the spotting comes and goes and It is not red. Man why can't this just be an easy process :(

7th Miscarriage :(

May 18, 2011 - 56 comments




So yes I am miscarrying again! Called my Dr early today because the cramps got super painful along with backache and I could not stop vomiting and I also started spotting, he had me go to the ER and and immediately had my blood drawn and a cervix check. cervix was open, u/s showed nothing. Blood levels were 182 when I got there and after I was there for 4 hrs he had them checked before I was released and they were already down to 144. I knew kit was coming with all these cramps! I was just waiting for it to come. I go back Thursday for another beta just to make sure they are going down. I am upset, but honestly I just knew it was going to happen. Keep me in your prayers, It is going to be  tough couple of days. I am having lots of pain so he prescribed me pain pills and those are just knocking me out.

I need to vent or I am just gonna explode!!!!

May 10, 2011 - 14 comments

So of course this Sunday was Mother's Day or so I think it was...=/ This is where the venting comes in or sadness!
I totally felt unappreciated and I hate feeling this way. Maybe it's my hormones, but I can not shake this feeling of sadness. My DH did not do a DAM thing for me!!!! This is the 1st year nada not one thing was done for me. I don't expect much, it was rent weekend but a card a rose something!!! I mean nothing, my Son even reminded him to tell me happy Mother's day which does not make sense because he just told his mother 15 minutes before :(

This is how it started Friday night he sent me shopping to get his Mom a Mother's day and Birthday gift due to the fact that her Bday is the day after Mothers day and we were going to her house Saturday for a party. I did not spend much only $40 on both gifts, which were adorable! I had the boys paint some wood wind chimes and dragonfly stuff since that is her thing. So my DH left to the store during the party on Saturday to buy cigarettes and I thought this is his chance to get me a little something if he already has not. I told him if we don't have the money that is ok I don't need a present, but I know our budget better then him and I knew after his Mom's gift, rent, and counting money for the week he did have money left over! Well we spent the night at his Mom's and I had woken up in the middle of the night with a migraine so I stayed laying in bed watching tv a little later then everyone. I heard him tell his Mom happy Mothers day, and call his Grandma. So I am thinking I am next, no. I get up do my ting then go out to the living room and still nothing. It was not until 3 hrs later that my Son said Daddy did you tell Momma happy Mothers day? And then he looked over and said it, and then gave me a kiss. I wanted to cry right there, so I got up and walked back into the room. Then to top it off we go to an outdoor swap meet with his Mom and his Sisters 3 kids across the street and he buys them all lunch and a shirt and toy. Mind you he still has not gave me anything so at this point I give up and say I am ready to go home! He looks a little irritated and asks me what's wrong and I say nothing because I don't want to start a fight, we never and I mean never fight but this was just uncalled for! I let it go but yesterday I still felt awful after hearing everyone say what they got and asking me what he got me. So i told him when he got home from work how I felt, he said we didn't have the money!! Really!! Are you Fn kidding me was my response, it is nice to know you put others before your wife! I told him I don't expect a gift but come on you could not spend 2 dollars and buy me a card! I told him next time don't speend all our money on his nieces and nephews. I felt bad, but I feel unappreciated. There have been times on fathers day when we don't have lots of money but he always gets a card and special meals cooked all day for him. We have tons of art supplies at our house and our boys are old enough to make something. I don't think I am exaggerating, am I?

Thanks for reading!! I am glad you Ladies are here!