Finally a good day! I went to see my mom yesterday and i'm still there and she's doing ok. She's on stronger dose of morphine but thats ok and her lung cancer and brain is stable but she got a new metastase in liver... I something predictable with a generalised cancer...
My neck is 20% better today and have been yesterday after diner. Suboccipital muscles and splenius are a bit less hard to feel and the spasms are a bit smaller. That made me feel 80% better mentally and physical... I even went to rent a video game and actually have some fun playing it! without thinking about my neck and head! Thats kool!
I'm going to start physical therapy just jus in case it's a repetitive strain injury since i overused my laptop for 1 years while i was a student in another city... And someone sugested a girl doing therapeutic massages and they say its a miracle girl... Anyone ill try this out.. Also i took some benzos which helped a lot. I was able to focus on a movie a playing a video which was awesome!
I didn't want to get back on benzos but since i was very depressed lately and my neck was killing me totally and i was unable to to anything i decided to go for the benzos untill i can get my hand on some cymbalta to help with the depression.
I can't imagine what it will be like when my mom will die tho... maybe it will be a releive/release or maybe it will be a nightmare.. i dont know but i will make sure to see a therapist and make things clear with my mom before she go. Since i don't wanna suffer from repressed feelings anymore...
I went to the dentist yesterday and i got 3 repairs in upper front and i got a broken in half tooth repair which is awesome since now i can smile a bit more lol.
Anyway i'm happy to see my neck can be better sometime and it's not worse and worse rather its up and down as i can see now! That rules out several illness i had on my check list wihich is good for my anxiety!
Yesterday i had a panic attack after i went to the chiro... i was afraid about a stroke again... my physical symptoms that tend to worsen everyday got terrible especially the headache and numbness of my scalp. I took 3 tylenol and 1 aspirin in hope to releive the tension headache that was worse than any other day... Anyway that didn't releive the symptoms and only made me sleepy... So i went to bed at 1am..
Today i'm feeling very depressed and i searched again on the internet for my stupid neck and head symptoms as my anxiety grew up... I jus can't beleive something you are feeling 24/7 everyday that is worse everyday day is all related to anxiety! That and the fact that i don't see too much people havin pressure numbness pain in the forehead and bridge of the nose that are constant and can be worsen by touching the sore spot in the back of my head...Today my scalp is terrible and pressure on the forehead is annoying and whats more anoying is that its worse today and probably will be worse tomorow... I can't wait till i get this stupid MRI... I think the depression is really kickin in... Now i experience low back and high back pain... I think it might be due to the fact i started to wear a soft cervical collar when im using the computer to protect the poor muscles in my neck that are overly tired... I'm afraid to die or have this pain all the rest of my life... How can someone that was so normal like me can become a ****** pain. and theres another thing that i'm angry about.. i seem to be unable to get help... can't get a familly doctor , so how i'm supposed to get a diagnosis or some meds to help me out... My dad seems to not understand me like he seems to don't give a **** and act like everything is ok.. if i go see my mom i don't wanna bother her with me since she's got cancer and more to worry about... Ill jus ****** go to a ****** clinic and pay some more cash and try to get help there... now they will tell me they are full and its not till 2 weeks... i dont know what to do....
Today at the gym i did my program twice! So basicly i spent all the afternoon at the gym doing cardio and muscles.
Also yesterday i bought a soft cervical collar to wear in the house, especially when i'm using my laptop or playing guitar and piano or working on music production in my home studio... It helps A LOT! I used to have chronic bad posture all the time i did these activities and now that i have something to support my head it's really helping my neck spasms!!!
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